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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike the term "full time mum"

310 replies

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 04/10/2015 20:49

Last time I checked all mums were full time mums, you don't clock off when you go to work.

What's wrong with housewife or stay at home mum or unemployed? When did being a parent become an employment status?

OP posts:
Sleepingbunnies · 04/10/2015 20:50

I hate the phrase too but don't pay attention to people who use it :)

laffymeal · 04/10/2015 20:50

This subject has been done to death on here.

FWIW I actually agree with your OP, it's a stupid term that makes little sense.

But it's been discussed interminably already.

JumpRope · 04/10/2015 20:50

Since you get asked about 20 times a year what your employment status is.

Trills · 04/10/2015 20:52

Depends on whether you think being a mum is a thing that you ARE or a thing that you DO.

When you are at work, you still ARE a mum.

But you're not DOING any mum-ing at that time.

Saying "full time mum" is usually in response to a question about occupation, in which case it refers to the DOING of mum-ing, not the BEING of mumness.

AuntieStella · 04/10/2015 20:53

That's why the MN norm is WOHP, WAHP or SAHP.

A consensus thrashed out over many threads, over quite a long time.

So I very much doubt the phrase is used much here (perhaps occasionally, by someone who has not yet been assimilated by the Borg acquired the MN lingo) but wherever you've seen it, I can see why it would rile.

Kampeki · 04/10/2015 20:53

I hate the term "full time mum", but I think it's wrong to suggest that sahms should describe themselves as unemployed.

Liquoricetwirl · 04/10/2015 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiggeryoubastard · 04/10/2015 20:54

I agree OP. it seems to be used by people that are so insecure by their lack of employment that they try to put others down. Which is stupid really, as whatever we do is important in our lives.

Original poster
LunchpackOfNotreDame · 04/10/2015 20:55

Sorry, I've been here years and must have deftly avoided all the threads Grin

I'm watching x factor fwiw and It made me twitch

OP posts:
jorahmormont · 04/10/2015 20:56

YANBU, the phrase annoys me too. Since having to leave my job if someone asks me what my job is, I say 'stay at home mum'. Much better than 'full-time mum'.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 04/10/2015 20:57

housewife has negative connotations about being defined by the husband.
unemployed implies that you're looking for work.

Stay at home home mum is identical to full time mum.

YABVU to suggest that "full time mum" is an employment status, and then suggest "unemployed" as a suitable alternative.

Kampeki · 04/10/2015 20:57

But you're not DOING any mum-ing at that time.

Well, that depends on what your definition of "mum-ing" includes, doesn't it?

For me, earning money to put food on the table and a roof over our heads is as much part of being a parent as changing nappies or helping with homework. So for me, I don't stop "mum-ing" when I go to work. My daughter needs to eat.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/10/2015 21:00

Unemployed signifies someone wanting to be employed. I dont think that's correct for SAHM.

HumphreyCobblers · 04/10/2015 21:02

I entirely disagree that people use it in an attempt to put others down. They are just describing what they do. I do not work at the moment, but neither do I stay at home. I am not unemployed either. It is just a way of saying that you look after your children in the daytime. I just don't get why people would take offense at this.

Having said all this, it is not a phrase I would use as I know from reading threads here that people ARE offended by it.

I have worked full time whilst a parent and I never even considered this phrase an issue.

Spidertracker · 04/10/2015 21:03

It's not something that bothers me, that said it was never a phrase I used in the 9 years I stayed at home.
I used to say housewife as I felt that summed it up, I looked after the children and did all the chores, errands, shopping cooking etc.
Now I am back at work I still do the same amount of mumming and DH does the same amount of Dadding. He just does more of the household duties and I do less so its closer to 50/50. I still do a bit more as I work part time.

Sirzy · 04/10/2015 21:03

Sahm is the best phrase I think. Full time mum suggests those who go to work are only "part time mums" when really they are working and juggling child stuff.

belleandboo · 04/10/2015 21:04

I can see why 'full time mum' seems offensive but I can't think of another way to put that isn't at the expense of non-working mums. Because I, as a mum who is with my kids all the time, don't like being defined as 'unemployed' simply because I don't earn a wage. I certainly have an occupation. I don't like being wrongly typecast as a 'housewife' (did you really have to ask what was wrong with that term?!) or stay-at-home mum - because I don't stay at home while raising children and nor does anyone I know.

If you are not working, you're spending many hours more engaged in parenting activities - in fact, you're doing these parenting activities all the time, or full-time. That's where the 'full time' bit comes from - though I agree you are no less a full-time mother if you work. However, if you're working, you are only doing these parenting activities part of the time.

A new term needs to be found for parents who raise their children all of the time. One that doesn't define them in terms of their employment status or make them sound like a agoraphobic or Nora from Mad Men.

HumphreyCobblers · 04/10/2015 21:05

You see, it seems to me that those who are offended by the phrase are those who are insecure about their choice to work and think that others are commenting negatively.

NewLife4Me · 04/10/2015 21:06

It doesn't bother me tbh.
i only see working mums complain about it on here and have never heard anyone else bothered.
Wtf do people want a label anyway, I don't work but am not unemployed as I am employed in lots of ways and am not job seeking.
I'm not a sahm because I don't sah and my dc aren't little or at home much.
I'm not a housewife as I'm not married to a house and I don't work as a husband skivvy.
So, I'm just me. Grin

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 04/10/2015 21:07

I couldn't care less.

I work but that's not defines me as a person, nor does my DC.

If someone asks me what do I do my response is usually is my hobby at that time.

Secondtimeround75 · 04/10/2015 21:07

I say I'm at home full time .

Trills · 04/10/2015 21:08

Kampkei when you are "earning money to put food on the table" it is in no way different to what other people are doing at your work who do not have children.

Yes, your children benefit, but that is not a parenting activity. It is exactly the same activity for parents and non-parents.

belleandboo · 04/10/2015 21:08

Bearing in mind that for parents who do parenting activities rather than earning a wage somewhere else, putting up with pejorative terms like 'house wife', 'unemployed' or 'stay at home mum' is something we've been doing for years while women who work often use very self-congratulatory language about how much they are successful, love a challenge, too intelligent to find child-rearing duties fulfilling, giving their kids a far better role model etc etc.

Liquoricetwirl · 04/10/2015 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katytatiepot · 04/10/2015 21:08

I've literally just had this conversation with my husband - also watching X Factor. It absolutely drives me insane! I work in a school where lots of the mothers are unemployed and most describe themselves as full time mums - no love, you're unemployed. Whether by choice or circumstance, unemployed is unemployed. If you are not under contract by an employer then you have no job, therefore are unemployed.
The term especially annoys me when used by parent whose children are in school all day 5 days a week. If you are classing full time mum as employment status, surely the fact that your children are out of your care for a huge chunk of every day takes away the validity of that argument.