To dislike the term "full time mum"

[LunchpackOfNotreDame]

Last time I checked all mums were full time mums, you don't clock off when you go to work.

What's wrong with housewife or stay at home mum or unemployed? When did being a parent become an employment status?

I think if you want other people to respect your status as a parent in paid employment, you should be a bit more respectful of other peoples' status. Otherwise you come across as a bit of a condescending bitch yourself.

But yes, full time mum is offensive to mothers in paid employment outside their own home.

I remember asking a woman what she did at a party a couple of years ago and her exact response was "I'm a mummy!" Which I thought was quite a strange thing for a grown woman to say to another adult.

Now I'm older and wiser I try and avoid asking people their occupation as my own is very boring and I hate talking about it/being defined by it. But if I hear people say they're a "full time mum" I understand what they mean, and don't think it's generally intended as a slight against mothers who work.

This old chestnut. I work full time as a researcher. Nobody needs clarification that I finish at 5 and go home. Full time is understood by everyone as during normal working hours.

Some of my friends are full time mums, I'm a researcher. I'm also a parent, but that isn't what people mean when they ask what I do. Men don't get aggrieved because a teacher or a postman doesn't include a caveat about parenting.

Nowt wrong with saying full time mum, it answers the question asked.

I go to work whilst the children are at school and pick them up at home time, do homework , cook supper and read the bedtime stories but because I work does that make me a " part time mum"? Sounds pretty " full time" to me !

I quite like "homemaker" but I'm sure I'm going to be told that working mums make homes too!

Can I call myself a child-minder? That's essentially what I'm doing, it's just that the children I'm minding while other mums are out at work are my own!

Why is childcare only work if it's done by someone else?

I dislike the term immensely, but mainly because it's such a female oriented argument - how many men do you think would even consider entering this debate? How many men would jump to judgements that women who dislike the term must do so because they are secretly worried about the choices they have made?

But I do see the difficulty with all the phrases used.

Part of me wonders whether the reason you are not in paid employment can have an affect on the term used. So my mother, who gave up work pretty much on marriage and has never been in paid employment since, could arguably be called a housewife, as that is what she has always and will always do - she has 'kept house' for her husband, then her kids too, and now just her husband again.

However most of the Sahms I know at my age are not in paid employment at the moment as they've chosen to take a break while their kids are.young, but are hoping to return at some point in the future.

Imo there's quite a bit of difference between the two (though certainly not implying either is more valid than the other)

Pippi

I'm sure if you were asked what you did, you would state your job that you do during your working hours.
Some people are full time mums, they don't have a job.

I think working mums get upset because of guilt, but they needn't do.
It's nothing against working mums, it just describes what a person does.

trill I'm not sure I agree with you entirely. I work full time but I'm still doing mum-ing I bring in an equal amount as my DH and I put food on the table and clothes on his back and put a roof over his head. Yes I might not be there 9-5 but I am most certainly doing mum-ing I'm as much of a full time mum as any sahm.

Done to death.

I don't agree with you - it's an occupational term, Full time parents are full time parenting. When a wahp is at work they are still a parent but have delgated the parenting to someone else. Much like a part time nurse doesn't cease to be a nurse when (s)he is at home and off duty but doesn't work full time as a nurse.

SAHP are not unemployed. Neither are full time carers of other kinds.

I'm not mum-ing when I'm at work, I am concentrating on my work. When I work my childminder is caring for my children. I'm not cleaning my kitchen either, that's the cleaner.

Who cares if this has been "done to death" if it bores you, don't respond. Not all of us have discussed this 'to death' and yes I have been using MN for years and never taken part in a discussion like this. Such is life.

How are you doing mum-ing when you're at work, prettyeyed? If your children aren't there and someone else is looking after them, you have delegated the mum-ing so that you can go out to work and resume mum-ing on your return.

How are you doing 'muming' when the children are at school?

Same thing surely? You dont mentally switch off because they're not in your presence

Not mentally switching off doesn't mean you're actively doing something. You could be at home, not switched off from work - but doubt your boss would pay you for it.

Doesn't bother me at all. Not now that I am back at work nor during the many years I spent as a SAHM to three children.

There's no perfect way of phrasing it. Each way offends one group or another.

Not something worth getting particularly worked up about IMHO.

Yes, I still remain a Mum when I work but I'm not attending to my kid's immediate needs whilst at work. Is that expected now? Is my dh supposed to complete his work whilst maintaining an ever present vigilance about the minutiae of the kids movements whilst in paid childcare, or just me?

of course you are still mumming or let's have it right, parenting when the kids are at school and you are at home or work.
You think, you plan, you clean up after them, do their washing, run them about, do errands for them.
I agree you don't switch off because they aren't in your presence.

However, I still can't see why people get offended by what somebody else calls themselves. Why so defensive? Is it because you think people who refer to themselves as a full time mother, think you are less of a mother.

I'm sure it's the furthest thing from their mind and they use the term for clarification. "I look after my child full time and am not employed or self employed". Bit of a mouthful, that.

My children aren't in school (one Home educated, two below school age)..I suppose I'd be doing mum-ing if I was preparing activities for their return, doing mothering-related jobs, getting their dinner ready...those things, if parents were at work, would be delegated to childminders, after school clubs, etc.

Using similar logic, people should never claim they work full time, either. Nobody spends 24 hours a day at work, 365 days a year. Besides which, there is nothing to stop a parent in paid employment telling someone they are a full time mum, is there? It's only your obsession with your paid employment that stops you.

You mean the things those of us who work do when we come home? (homework, cleaning, make dinner etc)

Now, if full time mothers ever went around asking people whether they were full time parents or only part time, that would be very rude. But be honest - has anyone EVER done that to you? The use of the phrase full time more often than not just means don't ask me if I do anything else as well, because I don't see why I should detail every activity in which I am involved during my waking hours.

Don't like full time mum but don't like unemployed either