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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sounds petty but need perspective - Really pissed off our neighbours and feel really bad... :-(

201 replies

Academ · 02/10/2015 20:44

I feel really terrible right now and would like some perspective. We share a drive with our neighbours, each house has parking at the front. We had block brick paving on ours and the actual drive was concrete. Neighbours decided they wanted to block pave theirs and then wanted to pay to block pave the whole share drive. we raised a number of concerns including that there was no way we could afford to contribute and worried this would cause future conflict, and how it would blend into ours etc and were reassured that the builders would take up the side of ours then use the pattern and take this across the whole drive and onto their side hence making it look like one big shared drive. We reluctantly agreed as the drive was uneven and they both struggle with mobility. This isn't what has been done. The builders have put a big border down the side of our parking and then extended their block paving from the parking across and up the shared drive. Effectively when you stand in front of the houses it looks they own a massive drive and the drive between the houses and we simply own the now smaller parking in front of ours.

Normally these things really don't bother me, I am not petty or narrow minded, nor do I want to fall out with my neighbours who we adore, but we do want to put our house on the market in the next year or so and I know shared drives put people off and worried this will put people off further. I raised it with neighbours and asked if the builders could return and blend the patterns together to make it not look like we had a very small drive and they own the rest. I raised it really nicely and really gently and they are still really pissed off, saying they paid for it all and not understanding our problem. Our problem is it is not what we agreed and I raised concerns from the start about this - they needed our permission to do it and that was on the basis it would all blend. I am now sitting here feeling terrible but also feeling that I needed to raise it? AIBU?

OP posts:
GarthAlgar · 02/10/2015 20:48

No of course you're not being U, they went ahead and had something done that you didn't agree to. Can you raise it with them again and maybe not be quite as nice because they clearly didn't listen before. Tricky situation!

SouthWesterlyWinds · 02/10/2015 20:49

Have they block paved over your section f drive? Or have they actually gone over some of their garden / own space? I don't understand how it can appear bigger except by the last example if you were the first to block pave.

LindyHemming · 02/10/2015 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

laureywilliams · 02/10/2015 20:50

Photo?

Liomsa · 02/10/2015 20:50

Gosh, I don't know why your title focuses on being sorry you've pissed off your neighbours! Isn't the issue that (wherever the fault lies, in lack of clarity, builder error etc) your property now looks as if it's theirs? Why aren't you livid with them, if you were in fact entirely clear about what you wanted? Your post does suggest you may not have been firm and clear, though. You sound as if you were persuaded into something you never wanted and allowed your objections to be overruled.

ToadsforJustice · 02/10/2015 20:52

Nope - YADDDNBU. You need to get this sorted straight away. Get your neighbours to either undo the work so it looks half/half or do the entire drive in the same pattern.

Academ · 02/10/2015 20:53

Our parking was block paved before we moved there, they had a gravel drive in front of theirs. In the middle was a concrete drive running up between the houses which we both own. they have replaced their gravel drive and the whole concrete drive with block paving, it has cut into to ours, so about a foot of our block paving was cut away, a long row of bricks acting as a border between the two and their block paving butts up against ours. The agreement was no boarder between the two and their would bland into the pattern. Difficult to describe without pic!

OP posts:
merrymouse · 02/10/2015 20:55

I see your problem. Their builders did not do what you agreed so really they are in the wrong. However, did you put anything in writing?

annielouise · 02/10/2015 20:55

I'd be very pissed off and insist they change it or get builders in yourself and get rid of the border. I'm sure the builders can match it up so there is no border. It would be civil but frosty relations after this.

Academ · 02/10/2015 20:55

I spent an hour with them talking about our concerns and they assured us it would blend in, they wanted to pay for it all and we would have full input as it was done. Builders arrived a week earlier than we thought and we have not been at the house (house sitting my parents) so when we returned we have been shocked by this.

OP posts:
Academ · 02/10/2015 20:57

Legally it is on our land, we have every right to have it as we want... but I really do love our neighbours, we have always had a good relationship and I really don't want conflict. There is no stopping her once she has an idea but she can be easily upset.

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 02/10/2015 20:57

so it looks like you just have a parking space and they look liek they have a parking space AND a drive, that is actually shared? and there is a border making it look like a property boundary?

Academ · 02/10/2015 20:59

Exactly PHANTOM

OP posts:
Pumpkinpositive · 02/10/2015 21:04

What did they say when you raised the fact that this was not what you agreed?

They don't actually sound very nice at all actually, no matter how much they might sugar coat the exterior.

Pumpkinpositive · 02/10/2015 21:06

Builders arrived a week earlier than we thought and we have not been at the house (house sitting my parents)

That was no accident. I think you've been had.

Griphook · 02/10/2015 21:06

It will effect your ability to sell your house with a drive, basically they have stolen some of your land.
Do you have money to have it ripped out?

Academ · 02/10/2015 21:07

She sounded very frosty and said she was really upset, they'd paid £7k for it and she was delighted with it and really didn't seem to understand our problem, thought it made the house look better and more valuable. She would get the builder to meet with us and we'd have to discuss it with him. Just sounded really, really frosty and upset. Drive was only finished yesterday, we saw it today and phoned them this eve.
They really are lovely most the time, adore our children, always been able to talk chat etc,

OP posts:
Academ · 02/10/2015 21:08

Legally we own the drive regardless, it is shared access, nothing changes that. I was wondering if I was making mountains out of it, but it'd put me off buying a house...

OP posts:
jorahmormont · 02/10/2015 21:09

thought it made the house look better and more valuable

Is it possible that she means it makes their house look more valuable?

merrymouse · 02/10/2015 21:10

I think you have to just stick to your guns - you agreed x, they did y. Whether they like or dislike what the builders did is not up for discussion.

Legally I think you could ask them to return your half of the driveway to its previous state.

Arsicles · 02/10/2015 21:12

YANBU, they are in the wrong. But, I wouldn't let it escalate if you want to put house on the market. You would have to declare any dispute with neighbours.

Bearbehind · 02/10/2015 21:13

You say the neighbours are lovely but it sounds to me like they are piss takers who are relying on you thinking they are nice.

You have 3 options IMO-

  1. Let it go.

  2. dig your half up and do something else with it

  3. come to an agreement to make it look more balanced- either by removing the border on your side or putting the same on their side.

lastuseraccount123 · 02/10/2015 21:13

yuck.

It seems to me you don't have a lot of options.

  1. Talk/fight with them about getting it rectified - accept relations may be soured between you as a result. Go to lawyer etc.
  1. Pay to fix it yourself.
  1. chalk it up to experience and next time, get everything in writing (preferably through a lawyer) and with photos as well. Learn you can't always trust people to have your best intentions at heart.

Personally I'd go for 2 or 3, because I don't like conflict.

Academ · 02/10/2015 21:14

Agree Bear I am currently angling for option 3!

OP posts:
winewolfhowls · 02/10/2015 21:16

They actually cut away some of your existing paving did you say?! Cheeky gits. If I were you if that is the case I would be asking for them to pave your side over to make it all uniform

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