Sounds petty but need perspective - Really pissed off our neighbours and feel really bad... :-(

[Academ]

I feel really terrible right now and would like some perspective. We share a drive with our neighbours, each house has parking at the front. We had block brick paving on ours and the actual drive was concrete. Neighbours decided they wanted to block pave theirs and then wanted to pay to block pave the whole share drive. we raised a number of concerns including that there was no way we could afford to contribute and worried this would cause future conflict, and how it would blend into ours etc and were reassured that the builders would take up the side of ours then use the pattern and take this across the whole drive and onto their side hence making it look like one big shared drive. We reluctantly agreed as the drive was uneven and they both struggle with mobility. This isn't what has been done. The builders have put a big border down the side of our parking and then extended their block paving from the parking across and up the shared drive. Effectively when you stand in front of the houses it looks they own a massive drive and the drive between the houses and we simply own the now smaller parking in front of ours.

Normally these things really don't bother me, I am not petty or narrow minded, nor do I want to fall out with my neighbours who we adore, but we do want to put our house on the market in the next year or so and I know shared drives put people off and worried this will put people off further. I raised it with neighbours and asked if the builders could return and blend the patterns together to make it not look like we had a very small drive and they own the rest. I raised it really nicely and really gently and they are still really pissed off, saying they paid for it all and not understanding our problem. Our problem is it is not what we agreed and I raised concerns from the start about this - they needed our permission to do it and that was on the basis it would all blend. I am now sitting here feeling terrible but also feeling that I needed to raise it? AIBU?

Lynda A and a certificate in the next mumsnet assembly

If it's shared land presumably they can't make changes without agreement from the other party.

Personally I would get a quote to remove the border and pave my front patch to match. If everything looks the same and new and shiny across both houses it may help you sell.

Yes, act quickly!

It is irrelevant how much it cost - they've done something which significantly alters the kerb appeal and thus value of your house.

These are not your friends... Friends don't act like this... They are taking advantage of your niceness... You sound lovely... This is what they're playing on. That you'll just put up, and shut up, while they massively increase the value of their property, while devaluing yours.

I'm looking to buy now. It would seriously put us off if there was a shared access drive, and the neighbours had already essentially stolen part of the land... We'd be worried that these neighbours would continue to be a problem for us. Massive red flag!!

Your niceness (and your neighbours' under handedness) may cost you your sale, or a much reduced offer.

You need to act now, so there is NO DOUBT that this is unacceptable! If you leave it too long, they may argue that you've accepted it!

Please get some proper legal advice. Actually I would say it's so potentially serious - I would see if I could get some proper advice from a property barrister, it may save you in the long run, rather than CAB, they can talk you through all the potential issues and find a way forward.

Many barristers are now direct access (the public can see them directly, not via a solicitor). A property barrister will have all the arguments you need in their head.
Many will give an initial consultation free of charge.

You do want your neighbours' actions to stand in the way of your future.

I would guess that any legal advice would suggest that you send a letter to the neighbours outlining your position. So they are in no doubt ab9ut the unacceptability of the work.
Something like:

Dear neighbours,

we agreed this on the 5th of X. We agreed the drive would be blended in, as you wished to pave your drive. We agreed to this, but indicated we would be unable to pay for this.

On our return from holiday, we were horrified to note that your builders had come a week early, and that in OUR absense, had carried out your instructions on our land, in such a way, that it now gives the obvious impression to an impartial, reasonable, observer that no 9 owns all of drive... A substantial part of our property.

We note that this substantially improves the kerb appeal of YOUR house, while being detrimental to our home.

We want this ot be resolved at your cost.

Please indicate when this work will be undertaken.

Yours

Pissed off friends.

It strikes me-do ndn know you're moving? They may be doing this now, as they know full well you don't want a neighbour dispute to declare to any potential new owners?

Think about this:

Re discussing it with the builder. I wouldn't do this. Its not his problem. They need to instruct someone to remedy.
What YOU don't want is the 7k con builder arriving on site, and sucking through his teeth, and saying doubtful if he can change it, but he could see for x thousand quid.... Then your lovely neighbours will say they can't possibly afford it, and if you want to dig up their beautiful driveway so much etc etc...

That sketch is exactly how I imagine it! If your part as per another poster was the same it might be cheaper for your ndn? But why didn't your ndn suggest it? Then you would have ended up paying half the drive, perhaps? What's the cost of your bit being made good? Ask more than one builder:)

It might add value to your house at minimal cost to you in the end. Perhaps your ndn might pay for half, as I don't think they would pay it all.

I don't think you have to convince them to change it, more it's going to have to change ASAP certainly by end October latest and you need to seek legal advice, just in case, perhaps put in writing and give them a copy.

I think having a note re selling about the dispute if it does go that way is worth it, because a new buyer won't want a dispute either! They might just not buy it. And if it does look like the sketch they are absolute gits and taking advantage of you not wanting a dispute, and not wanting to make a fuss. List out the solutions and talk to them about each one, and don't leave until you decide with them what's going to happen next. Don't let them decide alone iyswim

If they won't change anything then you have to seek legal advice. Pop and see them today, or give them a call- if you're away.

I would include a list of remedies that you would find acceptable, the costs of which to be paid by them such as:

Have your parking paved to match

Return to the shared area back to it's original state

Return half of the shared area back to it's original state

Change half of the shared area to match your parking space

and so on...

I hope you are finding these suggestions helpful, OP - I think there are some great suggestions here. This is actually one of the nicest, most positive threads I have read in a long time!

Thanks Bettercall, yes I am. I really appreciate everyone's time on this thread and how much helpful support has been offered. I am going to have a conversation with them and have a clear argument, I will also be clear about our rights. I looked at the deeds this morning and it is slightly different on there. We each own half the shared drive, the boundary runs down the middle, but we have shared access and right to access by car up the drive as garages at the back of the houses. Just makes a lot of the advice even more pertinent as it is our land and they cut back our current drive and on closer inspection left the bit they cut back in quite a mess. I know this will cause tension but we have to protect our asset especially as we need the most value possible to be able to move...

It's not just about house value. There is also cost if your house takes longer to sell or you have to pay more to solicitors when you sell.

I'm so glad you're going to talk to them - I think Random's suggestions of options is a really good idea. You're entirely reasonable and not being remotely petty! Are you feeling angry? You should be!

And agree that you shouldn't talk to the builders - it's not your problem that they've been horribly ripped off I'm afraid

That's great, Academ, you sound really clued up now & I'm pleased you're going to speak to them armed with all this info.

That it's in the deeds is great. They can't argue with that. Good luck. let us know what happens.

Well spoke to them and that did not go well, thank you for all the advice but it all fell on dead ears and they said I was being petty, bloody minded and they had done us a favour in improving our 'dump' of a house and made it more sellable. I think this means we have fallen out maybe?
I feel really sad about it all, I have to stick by my guns but I hate conflict and feel terrible. Our most compromised solution is for DH to remove the border and relay all our side to match in.... What a silly, unnecessary mess - others learn from me please!!!

Sorry to hear that Academ. They're not friends of yours. They don't seem to care that they've done something to fall out with you. They caused the silly, unnecessary mess. Stick to your guns and treat them with the contempt they deserve. It's going to cost you to put right but if you have to make it look all the same for a future sale, that's what you have to do. I wouldn't declare on any solicitor's forms as conflict with neighbour as if you've compromised on this then there's no need. What a bunch of arses. I'd ignore them from now on. Personally I'd be tempted to get a solicitor involved and force them to put right.

Gosh I'm so sorry. At least you've found out they aren't very nice people! They sound very rude.

If you do get solicitors involved you will need to delpclare it on the legal forms when you sell. Personally I wouldn't because that would put off buyers. I'd just sort it yourselves. It may cost you but your neighbours are right in that it will have added value to your property (as long as the boundary can be sorted).

My guess is they are being defensive aggressive because they know that they are actually in the wrong .

They had no cause to use words like 'dump' and dunking to that level , to sort out a grown up disputed is pathetic.

Stay calm , stick to your stuck record of 'it wasn't what we agreed and I appreciate that you have views on how it looks as you are entitled to do . But we prefer clarity as to the boundary DP would prefer to stick to what was agreed.

Stay calm, stay firm, this is not if your making.

The cheapest option may be to re-do your part at the front of your house so that they are all the same? How much would that cost? Would they be willing to pay for it- or part?

Huh, so much for "lovely" neighbours then, eh? Sorry it's turned so sour, at least you'll be moving soon though (hopefully). And yes, I think relaying your own bricks is really the only option left to you now - how bloody annoying for you though!

Am really cross on your behalf that they called your house a dump - how very fucking rude!

And it really isn't, it is a nice three bed bungalow in a rural village and just valued at 240000 and noted as good condition by the estate agent!!! Feel so sad though, I don't want to fall out with them though... I mean these are the people who made our sons birthday cakes and at christmas when they were home alone, we got them round to join our family for Christmas dinner, we helped them when they had a horrific car accident and supported them as much as possible and when we were having a rough time with family they were so supportive.... I'm really, really sad we can't resolve this amicably

They get on with people who do what they say.

If you moved the bricks to the other side of the drive way, it'd be their turn to be ''petty''.

However it is resolved it needs to be done without costing you a penny. There is no way I'd let them get away with this!

Your neighbours have shown their true colours now, OP. Up until now, you have been (very creditably) explaining their actions as a genuine lack of understanding of your point of view. Now there is no doubt - they have been putting their interests quite cynically and selfishly before yours and are now turning nasty because you are asserting yourself. At least you no longer have to worry about offending them!

There is now nothing to stop you going ahead and getting things fixed. Just decide on the best solution to blend the border and your parking space into the rest of the driveway and do it. It may be that you have to end up doing it yourself, rather than having a protracted battle with your neighbours over them paying for it - but better an imperfect job which restores the selling value of your property than a neat one which could seriously reduce it.

It's amazing how things can change when money becomes involved. They've paid out, you haven't - so now they think they can call the tune and you have no right, none at all, to question what's happened. Because of the money.

Money ruins so much in relationships of all kinds :(