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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sounds petty but need perspective - Really pissed off our neighbours and feel really bad... :-(

201 replies

Academ · 02/10/2015 20:44

I feel really terrible right now and would like some perspective. We share a drive with our neighbours, each house has parking at the front. We had block brick paving on ours and the actual drive was concrete. Neighbours decided they wanted to block pave theirs and then wanted to pay to block pave the whole share drive. we raised a number of concerns including that there was no way we could afford to contribute and worried this would cause future conflict, and how it would blend into ours etc and were reassured that the builders would take up the side of ours then use the pattern and take this across the whole drive and onto their side hence making it look like one big shared drive. We reluctantly agreed as the drive was uneven and they both struggle with mobility. This isn't what has been done. The builders have put a big border down the side of our parking and then extended their block paving from the parking across and up the shared drive. Effectively when you stand in front of the houses it looks they own a massive drive and the drive between the houses and we simply own the now smaller parking in front of ours.

Normally these things really don't bother me, I am not petty or narrow minded, nor do I want to fall out with my neighbours who we adore, but we do want to put our house on the market in the next year or so and I know shared drives put people off and worried this will put people off further. I raised it with neighbours and asked if the builders could return and blend the patterns together to make it not look like we had a very small drive and they own the rest. I raised it really nicely and really gently and they are still really pissed off, saying they paid for it all and not understanding our problem. Our problem is it is not what we agreed and I raised concerns from the start about this - they needed our permission to do it and that was on the basis it would all blend. I am now sitting here feeling terrible but also feeling that I needed to raise it? AIBU?

OP posts:
DolphinsPlayground · 03/10/2015 11:08

How cheeky! It could affect your sale price so needs to be put right at their cost. And get it in writing.. The original agreement and what they have done!

PegsPigs · 03/10/2015 11:32

Pictures would help OP when you have a minute but it is looking like they might have done something which benefits them but at your expense.

kungfupannda · 03/10/2015 12:43

Some people can be very nice...until money is involved, and then you start getting a glimpse of their true colours.

You need to resolve this for several reasons. Firstly, if it's left as it is there is a risk of the neighbour trying to claim the land in the future. I have no idea if they'd succeed but it could be complicated.

Secondly, it may put off buyers.

Finally, even if you do sell, there is a real risk that it will hold up the conveyancing if any query is raised. Our purchase was slowed down by a non-existent boundary/access issue. When you looked at the plans there was a line that made it look as though a driveway was actually an enclosed space in front of the neighbours' house. The mortgage lender's solicitor decided it was a courtyard and would not be budged from this opinion. I eventually sent google map shots and multiple photographs to prove it wasn't what he thought it was. It just takes one person in the process to get rattled about a boundary and the whole thing could slow right down.

I can't quite picture the situation, but it sounds like the builders need to be rectifying it. Whether that means that the neighbours incur extra costs is between them. You didn't agree to this and it needs to be sorted out.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 03/10/2015 13:02

I'm imagining it's like a Venn diagram. You each have your own outside parts and share the central element. Neighbours have paved the centre piece of the diagram the same colour as their stand-alone section, making it look like it belongs to them only.

Most shared drives can't be split down the middle as the owners need to use them to access their parking spaces.

MaidOfStars · 03/10/2015 13:05

If I'm picturing this correctly, would you or your neighbours be happy to pay to pave over your parking space, and move the border, so it all looks the same?
This was my first idea for a solution too.

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/10/2015 15:46

In the end, OP - pictures speak louder than words, to quote an old, true saying. No matter what's on the deeds, if potential buyers think your property looks smaller and less impressive than your neighbours', that's how they will vote with their wallet.

Bite the bullet and get it sorted. If your neighbours are worth worrying about, they will understand and be friendly again in the end.

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/10/2015 15:53

On a lighter note, I would love to see all posters' sketches of how they imagine the driveway to look on one page - Venn diagrams, T-shapes etc! And then the real one...Grin Maybe we could have a prize for the best effort!

FannyFifer · 03/10/2015 15:59

They are totally at it & knew exactly what they were doing,

clam · 03/10/2015 16:41

I don't think anyone has seriously suggested that the driveway looks like a semi-circle/Venn diagram. They're making the point that that is the proportion of land that has been effectively requisitioned.

DontOpenDeadInside · 03/10/2015 16:59

OK, here's my take on how it looks.

DontOpenDeadInside · 03/10/2015 17:01

Hmm PIC didn't attach...

limitedperiodonly · 03/10/2015 17:02

I've been following this all day OP.

Like PPs have said, you really do need to get over your reluctance to upset your neighbours.

Kungfupanda's suggestion of making your neighbour resolve it with the builder at their expense is wise.

This is your property and they have encroached upon it and you want it put right. This is a matter for her and her builder. You shouldn't have any dealings with him except to say when he can come and put it right.

You may have to get a solicitor involved. It doesn't have to be that expensive and is worth it.

I am drawn to nutty neighbour stories on MN because I had one. She behaved exactly like yours. Whenever I said: 'Why have you done that on my land? Stop it at once and put it right' she would get terribly offended and tell me she was doing me a favour.

Good luck

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/10/2015 17:47

Oh, don't spoil my fun by being sensible, clam!

clam · 03/10/2015 17:59

Sorry! Blush

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/10/2015 18:01

That's ok! Grin

wowfudge · 03/10/2015 18:15

I really would not stand for this - the neighbours need to think how they would view this if the boot were on the other foot. There needs to be a border on the neighbour's side or none at all and the block pavers blended to give a seamless look.

limitedperiodonly · 03/10/2015 18:31

£7,000 is an awful lot to have paid for that. I don't think you'll see these builders again, unless they think you're ripe for ripping off too.

It has to be put right but I'm guessing not by them. It should be at the neighbours' expense.

You're going to have a big falling out with them unless you want to pay for it.

What a mess. I do feel sorry for you.

clam · 03/10/2015 18:53

Actually yes, hadn't thought of that. We only paid £3K for a whole double width, double length driveway, which was widened from a single width, so meant digging up some of the garden.

clam · 03/10/2015 18:54

(That'll be our garden, not next door's! Grin )

Academ · 03/10/2015 19:24

Yes, DH nearly passed out when I told him what they had paid, it was for 2 guys for three days!! I was amazed!!

OP posts:
amarmai · 03/10/2015 19:27

Agree this was not an accident,op. I was encroached by neighbours on 2 sides when they put up new fences and stole part of my land. When i sold the house the fence on one side was ripped down by the new owner as it had only been up for a few years. However the fence on the other side was erected 20 + years before and it was not torn down. When you are encroached on its a hostile act. It is working for them being pleasant if you allow them to get away with this. Be equally pleasant and keep on repeating your message that 'they are not understanding how what they have done is affecting your resale value and you know they are decent people and want to do the right thing '! You may have to cough up some cash to sweeten the pot or DIY .

Binkybix · 03/10/2015 19:30

lljkk thank you! I can picture it now. Will now finish reading the thread.

RandomMess · 03/10/2015 19:33

I think you just keep repeating "Yes it makes your property look better and like it has a huge driveway, however you have just devalued our property hence we said that any work had to blend in so that this didn't happen"

TheCatsMother99 · 03/10/2015 19:40

Exactly what Random said. They're seeing it all from their point of view and not taking yours in to account at all.

If you can, you should say what Random said about the values. Might make it hit home for them.

Binkybix · 03/10/2015 19:41

I would also like to see people's sketches! I agree it sounds as though they've done this on purpose or at the very least are being very narrow in their thinking (ie only focusing on impact on their house).

If the border is on your land then you have a good case for them remedying it - try to get them to move border and do your space too - at least then you'll benefit in the end!

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