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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sounds petty but need perspective - Really pissed off our neighbours and feel really bad... :-(

201 replies

Academ · 02/10/2015 20:44

I feel really terrible right now and would like some perspective. We share a drive with our neighbours, each house has parking at the front. We had block brick paving on ours and the actual drive was concrete. Neighbours decided they wanted to block pave theirs and then wanted to pay to block pave the whole share drive. we raised a number of concerns including that there was no way we could afford to contribute and worried this would cause future conflict, and how it would blend into ours etc and were reassured that the builders would take up the side of ours then use the pattern and take this across the whole drive and onto their side hence making it look like one big shared drive. We reluctantly agreed as the drive was uneven and they both struggle with mobility. This isn't what has been done. The builders have put a big border down the side of our parking and then extended their block paving from the parking across and up the shared drive. Effectively when you stand in front of the houses it looks they own a massive drive and the drive between the houses and we simply own the now smaller parking in front of ours.

Normally these things really don't bother me, I am not petty or narrow minded, nor do I want to fall out with my neighbours who we adore, but we do want to put our house on the market in the next year or so and I know shared drives put people off and worried this will put people off further. I raised it with neighbours and asked if the builders could return and blend the patterns together to make it not look like we had a very small drive and they own the rest. I raised it really nicely and really gently and they are still really pissed off, saying they paid for it all and not understanding our problem. Our problem is it is not what we agreed and I raised concerns from the start about this - they needed our permission to do it and that was on the basis it would all blend. I am now sitting here feeling terrible but also feeling that I needed to raise it? AIBU?

OP posts:
merrymouse · 03/10/2015 08:42

I agree - even if the deeds show that the land is yours you are going to have potential buyers who assume it isn't, estate agents who aren't sure and lawyers who charge you when they send letters clarifying the situation.

You are going to waste time explaining an issue that shouldn't exist.

clam · 03/10/2015 08:46

Essentially, they've done the block-paving equivalent of moving a boundary fence over a few feet onto your land.

You really can't let it go, sorry.

charlestonchaplin · 03/10/2015 08:52

People are assuming that the shared drive can be split down the middle, but it may be that they don't own exactly half the drive, rather both neighbours both own the whole drive. (A bit like the difference between joint tenants and tenants in common.) It would help if OP clarifies as it makes a difference as to what solutions are best.

DoreenLethal · 03/10/2015 08:53

We have a canal side garden, which is on a shared plot. Essentially it is split like allotments.

When the people a few doors down were selling up, the estate agents put a picture of our canal side garden on the website. I only found out because people kept asking me if it was still included in the house sale. I got it taken down and they got the right hump but really, who cares? It's your property and it will cause issues down the line.

lljkk · 03/10/2015 08:55

I must be really dim because I can't picture this at all!!

I think (happy to be corrected)....

Imagine 2 very similar houses with off road parking spaces in front of each front door, and a shared driveway exactly inbetween them.

The neighbours block paved their parking space and the shared drive. Nothing has moved, there is no impenetrable border to stop OP using the shared drive she still owns. But the block paving has a noticeable border of colourful bricks only on OP's side of the drive, plus OP's park space is completely different to look at (gravel or old grey concrete or some such). As a result someone glancing at the 2 properties could assume OP has only a small tatty parking space while the neighbours have a lovely big drive & matching parking-space.

I still suspect something can be sorted out to visually match OP's space to the drive, or just remove the obvious border, it's not that big a deal.

SeaRabbit · 03/10/2015 09:00

I agree you've been taken advantage of. I agree the timing was no coincidence.

Psychologically you will probably squeeze onto 'your' bit, and they will spread out on 'their' bit, so you've lost some drive.

They have done this on your land and it's not what was agreed. They are in the wrong. Why should you be worried about upsetting them when they've upset you, and they have taken something from you that decreases the value of your home and increases theirs. I suspect that it will be worth your arranging to reinstate the clear border between the two, because otherwise you will lose a lot of buyers.

OurBlanche · 03/10/2015 09:00

Or

Imagine a semi circle. Split it into 3, vertically.

Left hand 3rd is neighbours parking space; right hand 3rd is OPs parking space, middle 3rd is shared.

NDN has, effectively, painted both left hand and middle 3rd the same colour, making it look like she owns it all.

Bakeoffcake · 03/10/2015 09:02

Op did you say it's actually your drive and they just have access?

In that case if it is your deeds, then there isn't a legal problem- it's just cosmetic.

I wouldn't put the boarder down the middle because it then looks like you share it rather than it belongs to you.

I'd swap the boarder to their side of their parking space, so the boundary is very clear.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/10/2015 09:03

Can you pull the border bricks up yourself? or are you not able to? I can understand that your neighbour doesn't want to have to pay for extra work, and you don't want to have to pay for something to be put right that should never have happened in the first place, so can you do it yourself?

I agree you absolutely do need to do this, because it will definitely look as though your neighbours own the shared drive outright, which is absolutely not on.

lljkk · 03/10/2015 09:08

OP and neighbour jointly own and access the drive. We have this too. Ours is just dirty gravel.

anothernumberone · 03/10/2015 09:10

Can you run a border fence from the house down a portion of the drive that would clearly identify a division of ownership. I think I know what you are describing and I have seen it in similarly attached houses before but I do think you are actually being a bit unreasonable. They could have paved up to meet the concrete and put in their lovely border, that would have looked shit for both houses and potentially put off buyers too. They did not have to match your side with no border on their own property. Before you sell next year you can look at improving the feel of your side, put in a border, so it looks more balanced.

bedraggledmumoftwo · 03/10/2015 09:12

I'm thinking more like a T shape, and ndn have reblocked two thirds of the top and the down line, like a large L and put a border round the whole shebang, leaving out only the remaining third of the top that looks like it is ops. I think either the border on ops side needs to be removed ( ideally putting a border round ops side too, to turn the L back into a T) or a matching border needs to be added in to separate ndn side from the shared drive too, even though colour wise the shared drive will look the same as their side and not ops.

anothernumberone · 03/10/2015 09:13

Sorry I just reread is it actually shared ownership or is it shared use? Do they actually own the drive in front of their own property with shared access because that was my assumption.

TheCatsMother99 · 03/10/2015 09:27

You really really have to get this sorted, especially as you're looking to move soon.

I've got my own drive, as has my neighbour but as we are in terraced houses there's a walkway between the two that actually belongs to my neighbour but I have the legal right to use it to access my garden (think wheely bin access etc). Even just getting the solicitor to check that was 100% correct caused a little stress as we were concerned at first about the access should the neighbour decide to block it off. I don't want to add stress to you but if I'm imagining it correctly, what you're describing would really put me off buying your house as I would have concerns over ownership and also your neighbour claiming possession of all the land that they paved.

If they've offered to get the builders back then get them back ASAP as it'll be easier to sort it whilst they're showing the tiniest bit of cooperation.

I might be overly dramatic but if they didn't put it right, and it was going to cost a lot to resolve, I'd be looking at a small claims court to get it resolved.... Although you'd then have to declare a dispute with your neighbour when selling - but I think it would still be worth it.

catfordbetty · 03/10/2015 09:42

I know you couldn't afford to contribute to the original work but could you pay for a (reasonably priced) remedy? I know it isn't a problem of your making but the offer might help to defrost the neighbours - even if they have, as some suggest, behaved badly. Ultimately, your goal is to sell your house and this might be a way to do it.

Lj8893 · 03/10/2015 09:47

If I'm picturing this correctly, would you or your neighbours be happy to pay to pave over your parking space, and move the border, so it all looks the same?

insertimaginativeusername · 03/10/2015 09:48

I think I can imagine what the OP is describing as I have recently viewed a house for sale with a shared access. The drive was effectively a fan shape with the narrow point as the entrance with trees either side so only single vehicle access. The driveway then fanned out to each of the two houses. It was all Tarmac but the house we were viewing had been done separately (or re-done at a later date) so had a join in the Tarmac.

It made it look like the other house owned most of the drive and was one of the reasons we didn't put an offer in.

Is there any way you can offer some money towards the work so they can't claim any 'ownership' over it?

flanjabelle · 03/10/2015 09:57

.

Osmiornica · 03/10/2015 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlisonWunderland · 03/10/2015 10:21

I'm not surprised your neighbour is pissed off.
If I'd paid over the odds - 7 thousand!!- I'd be pissed off with the builders too.

Unless the errant border is concreted in, it shouldn't be too difficult for the builders to lift some bricks and rearrange them to both your satisfaction.

It is quite hard to lift out individual bricks- the chap who did our drive extension had a nifty gadget so that he could lift out random bricks to make the extension and hide the fact that the new bricks didn;t match

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/10/2015 10:43

They have no right to be cross with you! How dare they. They have behaved very badly.

lavenderhoney · 03/10/2015 10:47

It sounds as if they might be moving too, as they now say their house looks more valuable, which was their aim and why they did it when you weren't there, I expect.

Call their builder and ask what he was instructed to do, and ask him how much it will cost the ndn to have him rectify it ASAP?

notapizzaeater · 03/10/2015 11:00

I'd be inclined to make a different pattern with the bricks already there making it look different.

WhoAteMyToast · 03/10/2015 11:05

I wonder if they are feeling a bit rejected that you are planning to move and are acting up?

TidyDancer · 03/10/2015 11:07

I find it hard to believe anyone would think you would be okay with this. Your neighbours don't sound as nice as you think they are.