Sounds petty but need perspective - Really pissed off our neighbours and feel really bad... :-(

[Academ]

I feel really terrible right now and would like some perspective. We share a drive with our neighbours, each house has parking at the front. We had block brick paving on ours and the actual drive was concrete. Neighbours decided they wanted to block pave theirs and then wanted to pay to block pave the whole share drive. we raised a number of concerns including that there was no way we could afford to contribute and worried this would cause future conflict, and how it would blend into ours etc and were reassured that the builders would take up the side of ours then use the pattern and take this across the whole drive and onto their side hence making it look like one big shared drive. We reluctantly agreed as the drive was uneven and they both struggle with mobility. This isn't what has been done. The builders have put a big border down the side of our parking and then extended their block paving from the parking across and up the shared drive. Effectively when you stand in front of the houses it looks they own a massive drive and the drive between the houses and we simply own the now smaller parking in front of ours.

Normally these things really don't bother me, I am not petty or narrow minded, nor do I want to fall out with my neighbours who we adore, but we do want to put our house on the market in the next year or so and I know shared drives put people off and worried this will put people off further. I raised it with neighbours and asked if the builders could return and blend the patterns together to make it not look like we had a very small drive and they own the rest. I raised it really nicely and really gently and they are still really pissed off, saying they paid for it all and not understanding our problem. Our problem is it is not what we agreed and I raised concerns from the start about this - they needed our permission to do it and that was on the basis it would all blend. I am now sitting here feeling terrible but also feeling that I needed to raise it? AIBU?

Personally I wouldn't do anything yet. I would write to them stating the facts, and that they have the option of putting it back to the way it was or making it good with the boundary in the middle or you will be forced to take further action. I'd also put 'without prejudice' at the top of the letter and include a copy of the deeds that state where your boundaries are, and a photo of the access as it stands now.

They cannot just do this without your say so.

I was being petty, bloody minded and they had done us a favour in improving our 'dump' of a house

I'm wondering where my neighbour ended up. She said the same thing to me.

Your DH's plan sounds good but it shouldn't have happened. You're right, it's a mess, but it's not your fault.

One thing I would say is not to be afraid of getting a solicitor involved if it cannot be resolved with you DH doing a bit of DIY.

Yes, you will be in dispute with them but with any luck he or she will resolve it so you won't have to declare it to a buyer because it will be done and dusted.

You are meant to declare ongoing disputes. I'm not sure you can get away with not declaring a feud with your neighbour just because you haven't involved the authorities. Particularly if a buyer asks what the neighbours are like - and that's a guaranteed question.

You need to get it solved and if that means instructing a solicitor then that's the best thing. That's what I ended up having to do and it's been fine. Expensive, but fine

But with any luck your DH can just spend a weekend playing Jenga with the bricks.

It is really sad Academ, but it is not your fault. As a poster said a few pages back, they have done the block paving equivalent of putting a fence up on your land - not just any old bit either, but a particularly key bit you need for access. By all means feel sad, but do not feel guilty.

It is crappy that the solution involves effort and probably expense on your part, when you can ill afford it. It would obviously be better if your neighbours could be persuaded to put it right, but failing that, regard it as one of those annoying responsibilities of home ownership like dealing with boilers blowing up or trees landing on roofs. Depersonalising it might help stop you stewing.

I don't think that's true limited - I think the OP has to declare it if it's been put in writing or solicitors have been involved.

I'm so sorry Academ - what a horrible thing to happen to you. It's awful when you find out people are not who you thought they were. If I were you, I'd go with your solution because you want to sell (presumably fairly soon if you've had the house valued) so it's really not worth rocking the boat.

Do you think they're angry with you for moving? I know it sounds a bit bonkers but it does sound as if they've become quite reliant on you

I've just read your last post and can see why you're torn. It seems that you have been good neighbours to each other in the past and they have been genuinely kind. But you have too - it's been a mutually supportive relationship.

The thing is - matters affecting the sale of your property are of huge, life-long importance, influencing not only your immediate happiness but also when you can start - or increase - your family, which school catchment you're in, commuting distance to work, ability to pay off your mortgage before retirement etc. That is why the value and sellability of your present house is so crucial - it really is a huge deal. And that's why you are right in being very concerned about this change and should put it right without delay.

You think one thing lynda and I think something else.

The only thing we both know for sure is that we are not lawyers - I'm assuming you're not.

Therefore it's wrong to give our interpretation of the law. That could be far more costly to the OP than an hour with a solicitor.

Don't you think?

OP maybe it would be a good idea to post in Legal before doing anything. There are lots of good people there and this could turn nasty.

Start taking up the bricks on the bit of the drive you own and throw them on the neighbours side and see how quick they are to rectify it

It's not what I think limited, it's what I was told by my solicitor when I bought my house! Having said that, I agree that it would be worth posting in legal.

Just a minor point re declaring the dispute if a house is sold. I know someone who was involved in a boundary dispute. It even went as far as court papers being issued but it was formally resolved before it got to court. One of the parties sold their house and did not declare it on the basis that the dispute had been resolved. The law is a little grey on this part they might be right. I would however always suggest legal advice is sought!

OP - Can you pop out, take a photo and then post it.

We may be able to give better advice for re-arranging the pattern to fit it better.

Regardless of the fact it wasn't your money it is half your drive, half your land and a shared drive

Also there's a lot of people on her telling you to see a solicitor, pull up the paving on your side and throw it onto their property etc - what daft advice.

At worst, the neighbours are guilty of being aresholes selfish. They sought your permission to work on your land and you (although reluctantly) gave it.

Unless you put stipulations in writing to the neighbours about what was and wasn't acceptable, they can just claim a misunderstanding. I doubt you have any real legal footing for a claim - a solicitor may charge you several hundred pound to come up with this belief.

Did you not check on the work after day 1 to see if it was conforming to what you agreed to??

You have been left in a horrible position and, without seeing the drive, all I can suggest is that you get OH to relay the bricks in a way that is more aesthetically pleasing to you - sod the neighbours.

can you get the same estate agent round to revalue the house? if it has gone down then you have a firm number to give them for the damage they have cost. Plus, get a quote for removing the border, and blending the driveways?

Also, do you know which builders did this? can you get hold of them and tell them that they have damaged your property etc. They may have no idea, and may be willing to make amends just to stay out of any legal trouble. After all, if they weren't carrying out the work as you'd agreed, then they should never have set foot on your property, and certainly shouldn't have damaged your existing driveway.

We're still not at house and staying elsewhere but dh popped again and now they've calmed down I think they see our point and have agreed for dh to relay the border and then our bricks it is a whole lot of work, BUT cleaning up our bricks and relaying to fit into this will make the whole thing a lot better. I hope this is the end of the upset. They turned uite ageessive on me when I was being calm which I really think has damaged our relationship as frienda but hefully we have resolved the neighbourly dispute, though with a lot of hassle on our side.
dame I saw builders when they were taking up our side of bricks and checked what was happening, he confirmed the pattern would continue, all they did was cut into ours and leave a jagged mess and then a lovely big sweeping drive other side of border. We will just sort this now and put it behind us..

Sorry for grammar/ spelling.... sleeping child on me and can not see keys properly!!

Thank goodness they've realised your point of view!!!

Sounds like the builders ripped them off in every which way.

Friendship over. I hope they sit and reflect on it and realise what arseholes they've been. Lesson learned. I'd never buy anywhere with a shared drive because of the potential for neighbours like this.

I'd love to see a before and after photo once you do get back home. I'd take some anyway as evidence in case needed.

OP - I think your solution is, under the circumstances, the best that can be hoped for.

Just remember that you are not friends with your neighbours - definitely keep them at arms length as you've seen their true colours!!!

I think they were aggressive because they knew they were wrong but had no quick way to put things right.

And they are more agreeable now you have come up with a way of rescuing the situation which means they dont have to do anything physically or financially. Which sort of sucks really.

They have shown their true colours and are not to be trusted. I dont think the timing of getting the builders in was an accident either.

It would be a cold day in hell before I would get back to any sort of kind and caring ways with them .

I really think they should be doing t, why on earth should your husband have to?

I assume they're covering the cost of the work?

I think they should too, but also I think we would launch into some lengthy battle over it if that is the case and our bigger picture is moving to another village 10mins away where our son goes to school and we have a small farm, so we're just focusing on that goal if I'm honest picking the fights if that makes sense.

That is definitely the best solution, OP. Keep your eyes on the bigger goal. Soon you will be out of this situation and free of this horrible, embarrassing argument.

Are you a lawyer DameMargaret?

I have a feeling I know what you're going to say