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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sounds petty but need perspective - Really pissed off our neighbours and feel really bad... :-(

201 replies

Academ · 02/10/2015 20:44

I feel really terrible right now and would like some perspective. We share a drive with our neighbours, each house has parking at the front. We had block brick paving on ours and the actual drive was concrete. Neighbours decided they wanted to block pave theirs and then wanted to pay to block pave the whole share drive. we raised a number of concerns including that there was no way we could afford to contribute and worried this would cause future conflict, and how it would blend into ours etc and were reassured that the builders would take up the side of ours then use the pattern and take this across the whole drive and onto their side hence making it look like one big shared drive. We reluctantly agreed as the drive was uneven and they both struggle with mobility. This isn't what has been done. The builders have put a big border down the side of our parking and then extended their block paving from the parking across and up the shared drive. Effectively when you stand in front of the houses it looks they own a massive drive and the drive between the houses and we simply own the now smaller parking in front of ours.

Normally these things really don't bother me, I am not petty or narrow minded, nor do I want to fall out with my neighbours who we adore, but we do want to put our house on the market in the next year or so and I know shared drives put people off and worried this will put people off further. I raised it with neighbours and asked if the builders could return and blend the patterns together to make it not look like we had a very small drive and they own the rest. I raised it really nicely and really gently and they are still really pissed off, saying they paid for it all and not understanding our problem. Our problem is it is not what we agreed and I raised concerns from the start about this - they needed our permission to do it and that was on the basis it would all blend. I am now sitting here feeling terrible but also feeling that I needed to raise it? AIBU?

OP posts:
Liomsa · 02/10/2015 21:17

They don't sound at all nice. Who would contravene what had been agreed - ahem, coincidentally - while their neighbour happens to be away? And why would you care how much it cost them when it looks as if they now own legally shared space?

Junk the idea of them being so terribly, terribly nice, and be polite but extremely firm. Don't let yourself be palmed off on a meeting with the builder. They presumably instructed the builder and they need to rectify things if it was a miscommunication. Or are they saying you in fact agreed to this?

laureywilliams · 02/10/2015 21:17

Quite a coincidence? The builder was early when you were away. I don't believe in coincidence

Academ · 02/10/2015 21:22

I genuinely don't think this was done in manipulation, builders etc, I've known them for 7 years well and this is the first ever disagreement. I just really think they didn't see a problem in terms of the border, and see they've done us a favour by paying for it all and admittedly the whole drive does look better but it does look like they own all of it, which could pose a real problem in selling the house....and we've now upset/ offended them by saying there is a problem with it when they are really happy with it.

OP posts:
Academ · 02/10/2015 21:22

However I do think for the sake of our property value and desire/ need to move, we have to stick to our guns about this.

OP posts:
lastuseraccount123 · 02/10/2015 21:23

wish we could see a photo. HINT HINT

DontMindMe1 · 02/10/2015 21:24

You've been had op because you're a soft touch. They KNEW EXACTLY what they were doing and because you were too naive to put your agreement in writing - cos they KNOW you trusted them - they've been able to play you like a puppet. They're not nice people at all, they're just very clever at fooling people.

If i were you i would get my own builder in and sort it out - because you could be the one losing out financially when it comes to selling whilst they profit.....and it shows them you will not be treated like a doormat and be walked over.

Academ · 02/10/2015 21:26

Sorry, still staying at parents so not even there. Will get a photo for morning!

OP posts:
lastuseraccount123 · 02/10/2015 21:26

YAY ;)

and good luck. promise you'll keep us updated.

sleeponeday · 02/10/2015 21:28

She sounded very frosty and said she was really upset, they'd paid £7k for it and she was delighted with it and really didn't seem to understand our problem, thought it made the house look better and more valuable.

How in the world can a massively smaller drive/parking area in front of your house, heavily emphasised by their own massive one, do anything but devalue it? And why and how would any prospective purchaser bother to pay to initiate a sale if all they had to go on was what the estate agent said, in terms of who owned what?

If they'd been apologetic and understanding about a bloody obvious problem, I'd think it wasn't a big deal. But deliberate or not, they are in a hugely improved position at your expense, whatever the drive actually cost.

RandomMess · 02/10/2015 21:31

The shared areas should have been done in a contrast or something - it shouldn't look like "theirs" at all.

You are planning to move, they won't be your neighbours much longer and you need the ££££ they have just erased from the value of your house.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/10/2015 21:32

Sounds like the cheapest option might be to remove the border and pave the bit in front of your house to match the drive and their parking bit. Would they go for that? I mean paying for it.

Good luck OP. For the record you sound quite lovely.

Hobbes8 · 02/10/2015 21:46

They've put in a border on your property, dividing one bit of your land from another bit of your land, so that it all looks like their land. That's outrageous. Don't worry about pissing them off. demand to know what they're going to do to rectify it.

merrymouse · 02/10/2015 21:50

Could they put a border down the middle of the driveway to clearly show which bit belongs to each house?

Academ · 02/10/2015 21:53

Potentially. I thought either make patterns blend or mirror this border on their side as well i.e. border runs up both sides of the drive...

OP posts:
annielouise · 02/10/2015 21:53

The point you need to make to them is that where the border is is not a border. There should either be no border and it all blends in or the border gets moved to the middle of the shared drive so that both houses have an equal share in terms of appearance. Please don't go for option 3. You might not have the money now but I'd get something done before you sell.

They've counted on you being non-confrontational so they're not good friends of yours or good neighbours.

Look into some legal advice on it too - either online or through CAB. They may have broken some rule or other. I would say to them I don't want to fall out about this but this is not what we agreed and if necessary I'll take legal advice/action on it. I don't want to fall out but I doubt you'd be happy if I'd done it to you.

combined02 · 02/10/2015 21:56

Difficult to know without a photo, and seeing the colours, but it might be that once the new drive is weathered a bit - a few months - you wouldn't see the difference and it would look like one large space. When things are new they always stand out a bit more.

pinechesterdrawers · 02/10/2015 21:59

oh gosh, absolute nightmare!

we are in a traditional semi detached area and im seeing more and more driveways being tarmac -ed and brick bordered or fully block paved.

frosty but polite but its going to be hard. they cant just go and make their property look more valuable and build on your side of the shared path!

Academ · 02/10/2015 22:00

Will try and get photo...Its not the newness, of course they are different colours etc and we were planning to jet wash ours off to try and make them blend... it is the two rows of bricks that border their whole drive including the part that is ours that is the prob....

OP posts:
annielouise · 02/10/2015 22:02

Border up both sides would be a good idea. I think if you don't get it sorted it might present various legal problems in the future. The borders have been blurred. Could they eventually legally claim that space saying you'd agreed it.

I know you didn't get it in writing. But they also didn't get anything in writing that you agreed to this. If they won't be reasonable perhaps a solicitor's letter will make them toe the line. Would your house insurance cover this? Both the legal help and possibly also rectifying what they've done?

Rachel0Greep · 02/10/2015 22:03

Sounds like they pulled a fast one, tbh. Bit like something our neighbours would do, especially the bit about waiting until you were away Hmm.
Hope I am wrong, but they sound selfish, to me.
As you are planning to sell up, I'd be looking at sorting it, to your own satisfaction, even if it costs a bit.

annielouise · 02/10/2015 22:04

If once your drive is jet washed it will blend with theirs I'd get the border bricks removed - even if you have to do it yourself - and matching bricks put in so that they match. The onus is not just on you to be reasonable for neighbourly relations to be maintained. They have to play ball too.

Bettercallsaul1 · 02/10/2015 22:18

This is definitely not fair, OP. No matter how much they protest, they have damaged the value of your property - and increased the value of their own - by doing this. Kerb appeal is vital to selling a property. I don't believe that they are unaware of this - it is quite obvious to everyone here without even seeing it. It may have been unintentional but they are very definitely in the wrong. Persevere in explaining - be polite but persistent. If they don't fix it, do it yourself in the cheapest way possible. It will be money well spent.

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 02/10/2015 22:23

Where are the boundary lines on the property? If they've encroached on yours then you can surely rip it up and do as you please. Don't let it lie! It's your house!

littledrummergirl · 02/10/2015 22:24

Put a small chain fence up the middle to show a divide.

combined02 · 02/10/2015 22:31

I agree with annielouise, then, and assuming they haven't concreted the border and set it on sand as usual then it wouldn't be too difficult to lift. The builder might suggest a new arrangement using the same bricks but making the whole area symmetrical.