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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel sorry for myself?

202 replies

Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:30

It was my birthday meal yesterday eve and my two best friends came to celebrate it with me. It was a nice eve and I'm really glad they came...

They then stayed over at mine and this morning my work had a family fun day type event. I had to get up at ridiculous o clock to get there (6ish) and the plan was they'd come to the event itself (a sports day type thing). In fairness to them it was in a big park that they'd not been to before and apparently they got on the wrong tube!

But they ended up being almost two hours late! They missed the main event (a big run) but we had a couple of hours together after. They were really apologetic but I'm so upset, I was looking forward to them kind of "representing" me there and introducing them to all my work friends but feel really let down and sad Sad

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Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:32

The event was at 10ish and they ended up arriving at lunchtime... They both seemed pretty apologetic and didn't realise the run was over (they say) but I guess we still saw each other. I'm angry and upset that neither of them came on time though, it was quite embarrassing too as I'd been going on and on about them to my work friends and then they just waltz in really late and miss it! Sad

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Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:33

One of them just texted to say thanks for the last couple of days, I'm so cross though

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Bulbasaur · 24/09/2015 23:35

Well... You're entitled to your feelings.

But you also have to look at intent. If they didn't show up late on purpose and apologized, then there's not much more they can do.

They didn't ruin your day on purpose.

Being late happens. I doubt anyone at work even noticed, let alone thought about it after they went home.

Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:37

Thanks bulbasaur, I guess so, but if I was going to a friends event that I knew meant so much to them I would've taken an uber or something to make sure I got there on time! Just feel like their excuses were quite shitty and definitely didn't justify being two hours late!!!

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NameChange30 · 24/09/2015 23:40

Sorry but I think you're being a bit unreasonable. It sounds like a genuine mistake that they were late. They made the effort to go to your birthday meal, stay over, and go to the fun day (which they did go to even though they were late). They apologised for being late. And it was sweet of your friend to send the thank you text. So on the whole it sounds like they're good friends. I think you should focus on what they did do for you and try and be grateful for that. Holding onto the disappointment and anger won't be good for you or for the friendship.

NameChange30 · 24/09/2015 23:41

Why was the event so important to you? Why was it so important for them to be there?

PingpongDingDong · 24/09/2015 23:41

It wasn't intentional. It's disappointing but I think yabu to feel let down. They were apologetic and it's an understandable error.

Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:43

It was a work event that I was really proud of in aid of a very worthy cause and they couldn't even be bothered to support me properly... Sorry if I sound unreasonable, I just can't think straight, I really wanted them to come and they were really late. I just feel like if i had been in their shoes, knowing it meant a lot to them, I would have tried harder to be on time - that's what friends are for Sad

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sproketmx · 24/09/2015 23:44

Iys ok to feel sorry for yourself but.... they tried. You have admitted that hey didn't really know location, plausible to get on the wrong tube etc and let's not forget. . They actually turned up when they could. They might have been late but they had ur back, they did come to represent you albeit a little late and for this you can't blame them for the way ur feeling. They gave it their best shot, apologised when it went wrong and have thanked you for the time. Compare to the posts on here ftom people with no friends, shite family and unsupportive ohs you are blessed. Now go to bed knowing somethings didn't go to plan but in he end it worked out ok.

Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:45

We all live far away so dont get to see each other that often, it would have been nice if they had put a bit more effort in is all

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definiteissues · 24/09/2015 23:46

I can understand why you are disappointed but it was an accident.
They didn't do it on purpose and they were apologetic.

Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:46

I feel like crying still!

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PingpongDingDong · 24/09/2015 23:47

Don't you believe they got lost and were on the wrong tube?

Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:47

Ok thanks for your comments everyone, one if them has the tendency to be late a lot though and this is the last straw for me I think

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definiteissues · 24/09/2015 23:48

But they did put in effort.
They tried. They didn't know the area. They got on the wrong tube by accident, they fixed it and turned up when they could.
You need to give them a break

Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:48

Pingpong yes I do but one of them knows the city really well. I don't see why they couldn't have just figured out the mistake and got a taxi or something, it just feels a bit like they didn't care

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Fatmomma99 · 24/09/2015 23:50

Not saying this to be nasty, but this reads to me that what you were hoping for was to show your friends off to your colleagues and this was ruined by them turning up late and their lateness seeming to be casual to the colleagues.

It sounds like a genuine mistake by your friends, and that their lateness ruined the image in your head. But if they are proper friends, which it sounds like they are, I'm sure there will be other opportunities for you to show them off, so don't be too upset.

Nothing in your thread sounds malicious, so try to let it go for your own well-being.

PingpongDingDong · 24/09/2015 23:51

Ok, then I do get it. We have a friend who is always late, usually really late and it does smack of "can't be bothered". I hear you. It's bloody annoying if this is par for the course.

gobbynorthernbird · 24/09/2015 23:52

You really need to give your head a wobble. Your friends did a lot for your birthday, and you'll end up losing them if you carry on.

Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:53

Fatmomma, ok thanks. I've just moved to s brand new area though and started a new job. All my work colleagues were bringing their friends and family and getting really excited, and I was looking forward to sharing the excitement with my friends... And then they let me down, they weren't just a bit late, they were hours late

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Original poster
Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:54

Yes pingpong she can be late for things quite often and I find it really rude

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sproketmx · 24/09/2015 23:54

It's ok though. It really doesn't sound malicious to me tbh. I was born 3 streets away from where I live and the amount of times I still end up going the wrong way round our square is unbelievable. It can happen. I dont think they hate you, I don't think it was on purpose. It didn't quite go to plan but they clearly are glad to have u in their lives after the txt u got so let it go. Chalk it up to a minor incident and continue your life and relationships

Hamiltoes · 24/09/2015 23:58

You are being ridiculous.

This sounds like something that would have upset me at 13. I think you need to re-evaluate your dependency on your friends as it sounds like they tried to make sure you had a good birthday. I'm lucky if mines remember to text on the actual day, never mind anything else! But they are still great friends and I'd never even consider thinking about discontinuing a friendship or getting upset because they were late.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/09/2015 00:01

You sound hard work. They got lost, they apologised. Shit happens. Not worth any more thought.

PingpongDingDong · 25/09/2015 00:01

Being continually late, even when you know it means a lot to someone for you to be there can really wear thin on a friendship. Ok, maybe this incident was understandable but if it's happened time and time again it's really off putting.