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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to feel sorry for myself?

202 replies

Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:30

It was my birthday meal yesterday eve and my two best friends came to celebrate it with me. It was a nice eve and I'm really glad they came...

They then stayed over at mine and this morning my work had a family fun day type event. I had to get up at ridiculous o clock to get there (6ish) and the plan was they'd come to the event itself (a sports day type thing). In fairness to them it was in a big park that they'd not been to before and apparently they got on the wrong tube!

But they ended up being almost two hours late! They missed the main event (a big run) but we had a couple of hours together after. They were really apologetic but I'm so upset, I was looking forward to them kind of "representing" me there and introducing them to all my work friends but feel really let down and sad

OP posts:

cariadthebaird · 28/09/2015 19:26

Op you sound like quite hard work

Spartans · 28/09/2015 19:44

Yabu. You are really over reacting. Crying? Angry?

cansu · 28/09/2015 19:51

This really is not worth all this drama and upset. They were v late to your work event. This is minor. They did however come to stay to celebrate your birthday. You sound v hard work and a bit prone to over thinking stuff and being dramatic. In the nicest possible way you need to chill out and be a bit more mature. It does sound rather teenage.

tilly1992 · 28/09/2015 20:07

are you sure there aren't some other long-term problems with these friends (or friend in particular)? lateness on a day with such high expectations may have triggered some deep, built-up resentment. do you think they would lie to you and, if so, why? i agree that lateness is very annoying, but i don't think it should be worrying you as much as it is. hope you feel better.

Original poster

toostressedtobeblessed · 28/09/2015 20:14

Thank you for your replies...

I guess I've always been a bit jealous of the bond they have together and am a bit paranoid that they are better friends with each other than I am to them

I said something a bit harsh to one of them (let's call her B) a week ago and am worried that they have been discussing me?

B lives in my city and is my best friend. I'm a bit resentful of the fact that she has an established social life and I didn't when I came down (I moved here recently, she has lived here for years) and feel she should have gone out if he way to invite me more to things...

I really want to let her know how I'm feeling!! I don't think it's healthy to harbour resentments like this

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 28/09/2015 20:19

God I'm lucky to get a happy birthday message on Facebook from my friends so I think you are being bloody ungrateful and quite silly really.

teacher54321 · 28/09/2015 20:25

Oh my goodness you seem like very hard work. You will push them away if you say anything, being clingy in a friendship is very suffocating. It seems you have very high expectations that are impossible to reach.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 28/09/2015 20:28

I reckon she should have invited you to more things too.

I hear there's an excellent touring grip market which visits most major cities these days. If I were your friend, I'd have invited you along...

CheekyMaleekey · 28/09/2015 20:31

You're completely over-reacting and coming across as a spoilt brat.

Lndnmummy · 28/09/2015 20:31

I mean this kindly but OP you need to have a look at your friendships and why you feel so vulnarable in them. It does sound like you are very possessive. I used to be abit like that when I was younger (but still an adult, not talking child here) so I can relate.

FarFromAnyRoad · 28/09/2015 20:37

Crikey yes - you need to take steps to become less dependent on other people fulfilling your long list of requirements in order for them to be classified 'proper friends'. You do sound like hard work and if they've been discussing you I'd say you probably deserve that - I'm afraid you sound like you suck the joy out of everything. You have unreasonably high expectations of friends - you'd really better snap out of it because life just ain't like that - people don't need all the heavy shit - they just want friendships y'know?

NameChange30 · 28/09/2015 20:38

I wonder if your jealousy comes from feeling insecure and maybe low self esteem? Is that something you could look at? It does seem that you're very demanding and feel disproportionately hurt if something doesn't work out. You also said something "harsh" to your friend and you're now worried they're bitching about you - if you genuinely regret it, why not apologise?

laffymeal · 28/09/2015 20:39

Sounds like you are enjoying being angry and are nursing it with soup and a blanket. Let it go, in the grand scheme of things they sound like quite good friends and you're in danger of completely alienating them with your silly nonsense.

Leelu6 · 28/09/2015 20:48

We have started a class together in my area (it's quite a lot longer for her to travel to but she has lots of free time at the mo and wanted to do it) and she keeps missing it by arriving 5 minutes too late! She always waits for me so we can get food or something after but how rude is that?

That's really sweet that she waits for you. Be very careful, OP, you don't want to lose good friends.

Maybe tell them that you were disappointed they missed your race but you were glad to see them at the event?

Starkswillriseagain · 28/09/2015 21:01

Sounds like she not so interested in the class, more so in seeing you instead.

YANBU for being disappointed but you are for being so angry when they've spent the whole rest of the time making a fuss of you.

If lateness is habitual, then that's something to tackle separate, on every occasion she's late.

BackInTheRealWorld · 28/09/2015 21:05

They came out for your birthday meal and they stayed over with you. Thats plenty birthday! Hell the fact they dragged themselves along to your work thing is above and beyond the call of duty. So what if they were a bit late. They came.
I think you are being really mean and petty to be bitching about them now.
It's really sad that you don't appreciate them.

Original poster

toostressedtobeblessed · 28/09/2015 21:28

Ok maybe I'm overreacting!

My friend hasn't texted me since, I'm not sure whether to just leave it though..

OP posts:

GloriaHotcakes · 28/09/2015 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Costacoffeeplease · 28/09/2015 21:44

Oh yes, yabvu, they're friends, you're not joined at the hip, you need to stop being so needy, and actually, if it's unusual that you haven't heard from her, maybe you weren't as good at hiding your annoyance as you thought?

Original poster

toostressedtobeblessed · 28/09/2015 21:48

I did hide my emotions and disappointment though... I was quite angry after I received her text so I didn't reply as I didn't trust myself to not become emotional

OP posts:

Starkswillriseagain · 28/09/2015 21:53

It's hard to hide that kind of upset, you may well have shown them without realising. Late people are fucking annoying but on this occasion they'd gone all out for you before so maybe cut some slack?

Costacoffeeplease · 28/09/2015 22:02

You said something harsh to one of them last week (we don't know the context) and you didn't reply to the thank you text - and you're surprised you haven't heard anything else?

Original poster

toostressedtobeblessed · 28/09/2015 22:12

Ok I understand your replies and can see how maybe I sound ungrateful; I'm genuinely grateful though. They are great friends.

I'm just hurt by the bigger context of things. It's been a really hard few months for me: I moved to a big city after uni only knowing a few people and was hoping my best found would take me under her wing. But I just feel like a spare part and this is the icing on the cake

OP posts:

Original poster

toostressedtobeblessed · 28/09/2015 22:13

My best friend

OP posts:

WanderingTrolley1 · 28/09/2015 22:14

Mountain. Molehill.

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