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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel sorry for myself?

202 replies

Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:30

It was my birthday meal yesterday eve and my two best friends came to celebrate it with me. It was a nice eve and I'm really glad they came...

They then stayed over at mine and this morning my work had a family fun day type event. I had to get up at ridiculous o clock to get there (6ish) and the plan was they'd come to the event itself (a sports day type thing). In fairness to them it was in a big park that they'd not been to before and apparently they got on the wrong tube!

But they ended up being almost two hours late! They missed the main event (a big run) but we had a couple of hours together after. They were really apologetic but I'm so upset, I was looking forward to them kind of "representing" me there and introducing them to all my work friends but feel really let down and sad Sad

OP posts:
LisbethSalandersLaptop · 29/09/2015 13:23

" I had to get up at ridiculous o clock to get there "

Actually yes as soon as anyone talks about 'ridiculous o'clock' they sound self pitying and whiny.
You have two good friends there, make the most of it.

PrivatePike · 29/09/2015 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 13:23

No chairmeoh it was at the weekend

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 29/09/2015 13:23

Exceptional friend sorry....

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/09/2015 13:24

Good god... Honestly, everyone is trying to be nice to you, because you sound upset.

You seem to have set unobtainable expectations for your friends, and then you get overly upset when they fail to meet them. Then you believe it's your right to tell them, to "get it out in the open", and you're surprised when they are hurt, but you wipe that off with terrible clichés too - "sometimes you hurt the ones you love the most"?

You are lucky they are still being supportive and coming to your birthday at all.

Absolutely don't tell your friends that you are upset they are late. It will take work to genuinely lower your expectations and stop being so demanding of your friends, but in the meantime, do not share that with them. You are killing the friendship. It doesn't need to be in the open.

You are moaning that your friend doesn't invite you to things and make you feel at home in your new city, but then when she does invite you to a party, you don't enjoy yourself, and then tell her that you didn't enjoy it and you don't like her friends. That isn't going to make her want to spend more time around you, or invite you to more things. And it was an unrealistic expectation that she'd introduce you to everyone and generally babysit you anyway - she should see you and make sure you're okay, but building your new life is your responsibility and you shouldn't build it solely around her.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/09/2015 13:24

A weekend is also putting themselves out and they made it albeit late. It's their weekend too you know.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/09/2015 13:26

And, for what it's worth, I agree with SuperFly. I love my friends, but I wouldn't pay £30 to run a race for charity with them. I'd go meet them afterwards, I'd go support them if they wanted, but £30? For a run? No chance.

And I do give to charity, but I choose the charities and I choose the amount.

chairmeoh · 29/09/2015 13:26

Oh. It's just that you started this thread on Thursday 24th and said that it had been your birthday yesterday and the work thing was today Confused.

Badders123 · 29/09/2015 13:27

Wow....just.....wow.

PrivatePike · 29/09/2015 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BastardGoDarkly · 29/09/2015 13:28

Well spotted chair ! Op?

Spartans · 29/09/2015 13:30

How was it over the weekend if you posted this on Thursday. Isn't that the day that you did the run or have I misunderstood?

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 13:32

Chairmeoh I've changed some details for anonymity. It happened the weekend prior to the 24th but has been really playing on my mind. If I was a troll I would definitely pick something a bit more exciting to write about

OP posts:
chairmeoh · 29/09/2015 13:32

OP, I'm not trying to trip you up, but I do think you need to consider the time your friends have 'given' you. Whether it be taking a day of annual leave from work, or giving up a weekend day.

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 13:33

Anchordown, I wasn't running, I was working. Everyone at my work "recruited" their friends for the events and I wanted my friends to come too

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 29/09/2015 13:33

I've done that, got on the wrong tube or not been able to read the map on the app, I hope I haven't made friends feel like that. YABU.

Spartans · 29/09/2015 13:37

So you are still upset about this over a week later?

And she hasn't texted you since?

Tbh, I think you may need to apologise. If she has usually texted you in this time frame. You were probably quite obvious about your annoyance and she may have just had enough.

How is it ok for you to tell her you didn't like her party and friends, yet ok for you to react like this? You talk about you feeling hurt but she is expected to just accept how you feel because you want to get it out in the open?

Spartans · 29/09/2015 13:38

They paid £30 to support you at an event you were working at?

Is this a reverse?

PrivatePike · 29/09/2015 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/09/2015 13:42

Erm... I think that's worse.

You don't "recruit" real friends into paying for an event that you are working at. If you want, you might share the invite on Facebook or mention it to people, but you don't ask anyone close to you to come - you're forcing them into either looking terribly unsupportive, or paying £30 for an event that they probably aren't overly interested in, and that you are working at, so not free to see them.

It's like trying to sell Forever Living to your best friends. Or coercing them into spending loads on Avon so that you get commission.

It makes no difference that they were late so they didn't do the run and didn't pay, your intention was that they traversed across London to somewhere that they don't know, in order to watch you at work and pay £30 to get involved. Surely you can see that is totally unreasonable? And that your friends did you a favour turning up at all?

CrapBag · 29/09/2015 13:42

You are massively overreacting and being very clingy. They sound like good friends. They are hard to come by. You will drive them away with this behaviour. I can't believe you got so worked up and angry about it. If they got on the wrong tube, that couldn't be helped that they ended up being late, but you then expected them to jump in a taxi so you could show them off! Confused

You really do sound like hard work. You said late friend is often 5 minutes late! Well I'm as punctual as they come and I loathe lateness but 5 minutes really is nothing. Even I know that.

Roussette · 29/09/2015 13:44

My god, you sound so precious OP. Just let it drop. If I were them, I would be doing everything in my power to avoid you if you carry on like this! It sounds that there is nothing they can do that is right.

How long have you known them and how did you meet?

They are being remarkably patient with you but I fear that might not last if they've got any sense

Jackie0 · 29/09/2015 13:48

Flippin heck op, you sound about 12.
Your friends are saints. You slagged off one friend's party & friends?
They came to see you for your b'day and then you tried to rope them into a £30 per head work sports day ?
I wouldnt have gone at all?
Who boasts to their colleague s about their friends ?
Someone whose colleagues don't believe she has any.
Just stop this nonsense and if you want to have any kind of friendship at all for goodness sake don't start sprouting this clao trap at them.
We hurt the ones we love ?????? Wtf????? These chums aren't your lovers or your partner or your family. Friendship is supposed to be fun!

CrapBag · 29/09/2015 13:48

Now I've read the second page, I cannot believe you would expect people to travel to come put for your birthday, costing money then expect them to pay £30 for a charity thing because you think it's all for a good cause. If any of my friends said 'oh come to this charity day, it's £30' I'd be telling them thanks but no thanks.

You are far too demanding. Telling your friend about her crap party and horrible friends was awful. No wonder she was off with you. I'd be thinking twice about a friendship if someone did that to me, not turning up for their birthday and attending a fun day. You have no idea how good these friends are OP. A lot of people are shit at being good friends. I'm still trying to find them tbh.

Gruntfuttock · 29/09/2015 13:49

OP, you said:- it was quite embarrassing too as I'd been going on and on about them to my work friends

Why had you been going on and on about them? You said other colleagues were bringing friends. Did they "go on and on about them" to you?