Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel sorry for myself?

202 replies

Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:30

It was my birthday meal yesterday eve and my two best friends came to celebrate it with me. It was a nice eve and I'm really glad they came...

They then stayed over at mine and this morning my work had a family fun day type event. I had to get up at ridiculous o clock to get there (6ish) and the plan was they'd come to the event itself (a sports day type thing). In fairness to them it was in a big park that they'd not been to before and apparently they got on the wrong tube!

But they ended up being almost two hours late! They missed the main event (a big run) but we had a couple of hours together after. They were really apologetic but I'm so upset, I was looking forward to them kind of "representing" me there and introducing them to all my work friends but feel really let down and sad Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 16:30

Half an hour away by tube across 2 lines or a half hour bus journey

OP posts:
Spartans · 29/09/2015 16:32

So you didn't thank them then.

i think they know exactly how you feel and pissed off that you haven't thanked them and we're off with them.

I would apologise if I were you. Clearly they have had enough. If they contact you every day and haven't been in touch for over a week, they are pissed off. It may be repairable though.

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 16:32

Or 20 min by taxi/mini ab

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 29/09/2015 16:32

Possible that they woke up late and made excuses?

Was lots of alcohol consumed the night before?

I wouldn't be too mad - they made the effort to come to your birthday meal and stay over. They don't sound like bad friends to be fair.

green18 · 29/09/2015 16:33

Maybe they had hangovers. Maybe they lost track of time. they had already been out with you for your birthday. Maybe you are asking too much.

verystressedmum · 29/09/2015 16:40

You do sound very needy and demanding tbh and quite caught up in your own emotions.
When your friends showed up at the event did they pick up that you were annoyed at them? I ask that as I know people (MIL whom I am NC with now) that are similar to how you seem to be and believe me you know when they are annoyed even if they don't actually speak the words

Jackie0 · 29/09/2015 16:57

You didn't even thank them Confused

Hypotenuse · 29/09/2015 17:08

I've had two friends like you. Everything about how they feel, what they want, how I'm letting them down.

I said 'had' because neither are my friends anymore. Please spend some time thinking about how you are a good friend to them. I guess you're probably lacking, so you have some making up to do.

WaggleBee · 29/09/2015 17:17
Hmm
MaidOfStars · 29/09/2015 17:48

Ah man, I really want this to be real but....

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 17:49

I don't really understand the derision on here?

Ok I'm in the wrong. I'll move on, I'll apologise, I get that I'm grateful to have them.

OP posts:
Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 17:51

Thank you to the kinder posters on this thread, your words and advice mean a lot. To those who seem to be baiting me for a reaction, perhaps you shouldn't click on the thread... Just a thought?

OP posts:
lougle · 29/09/2015 18:11

It might have come as a shock to hear everyone's opinions, but I think they are right. You have lost perspective on this occasion and are punishing your friends for having lives that are separate to you.

Make a network. Start a hobby. Get out and about. Go to your local church (if you're that way inclined) and see what events they put on for newcomers. Look at notice boards to see what's going on in your area. Don't wait for it all to come to you.

Out of interest, why did you move to this area? Did you have visions of it bring like something out of 'Friends'? Did you move with the intention of being close to B?

laffymeal · 29/09/2015 18:26

Perhaps you shouldn't post on aibu if you're so delicate op. And if you continually ignore advice that doesn't suit , don't expect much sympathy.

Spartans · 29/09/2015 18:30

Maybe it's because people can't understand someone who is acting so self centred, or have been on the recieving end of needy friends.

I just don't get how you are so sensitive and yet have been really insensitive to your friends and think you were right to do so.

It's aibu, you asked and were answered.

viciousknid · 29/09/2015 18:38

this can't be real

kungfupannda · 29/09/2015 18:42

Did you have visions of it bring like something out of 'Friends'?

Oh dear. That brings back unpleasant memories. The needy friend I mentioned upthread - she was also my housemate for a while - once said that exact thing to me - except she was the one saying that was how she'd thought it would be, and we'd hang out all the time, and she couldn't understand why I didn't want it to be like that, and it was my fault she was lonely.

All this in front of several mutual friends and one of those friends' brand-new girlfriend.

It was mortifying and I made immediate plans to move out.

MaidOfStars · 29/09/2015 18:45

Oh my god, I (and other flatmates) have had a Friends proposal from a (male) housemate. He wanted to be able to watch TV with his head on my lap...nothing dodgy, I'm positive, just wanted some weird platonic closeness idealised in American sitcoms....

WaggleBee · 29/09/2015 18:52

A couple of weeks ago someone posted about their friend. I can't remember what they'd done but it was mentioned that the friend had felt hurt that the poster hadn't gone out of her way to include her in everything when the friend had moved to the poster's city.

This thread is like it's written by that friend. Spooky. Wish I could remember what the main issue had been. Either this is common or Friend B has already been on here.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 29/09/2015 20:32

Wagglebee that is EXACTLY what I thought!

SecondRow · 29/09/2015 21:21

Me too, Wagglebee, so I've just re-read the other thread. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2471405-Veey-upset-by-something-a-friend-said-to-me

Not everything matches up but some stuff does!

CrapBag · 29/09/2015 21:43

OP, taxis are expensive. Can you honestly not see that your are being unreasonable expecting them to fork out yet more money for you? They'd already paid to get to you and had a night out for your birthday, then they were looking at £30 each for your event and you expected them to get taxis as well on top of all that.

I don't understand how you don't get it! Unless this is a waste of time and it's all a crock of shit anyway. Could be. I don't know how anyone could be quite so dense tbh.

FarFromAnyRoad · 29/09/2015 21:48

I'm coming rapidly round to your way of thinking Crap. You're right. Nobody is this thick. Nobody was born this thick and nobody can maintain thick at this level throughout life. Damn fool thing to make up a story about but there are some proper halfbrains out here lately!

CrapBag · 29/09/2015 21:53

I've looked at that thread linked above, there are some similarities, mainly that OP saying her 'friend' was stubborn and couple of other things that could very describe this OP.

Or it could be a coincidence. If there is one thing I have learned from here, there are a lot of people who are just shits to others and want everything about them.

WaggleBee · 29/09/2015 22:06

That's the one! I couldn't remember the details just that it rang a bell. Like Crapbag says it could well be a coincidence. Maybe the OP can get some insight into how her friend's see the situation from the other thread.