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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel sorry for myself?

202 replies

Toostressedtobeblessed · 24/09/2015 23:30

It was my birthday meal yesterday eve and my two best friends came to celebrate it with me. It was a nice eve and I'm really glad they came...

They then stayed over at mine and this morning my work had a family fun day type event. I had to get up at ridiculous o clock to get there (6ish) and the plan was they'd come to the event itself (a sports day type thing). In fairness to them it was in a big park that they'd not been to before and apparently they got on the wrong tube!

But they ended up being almost two hours late! They missed the main event (a big run) but we had a couple of hours together after. They were really apologetic but I'm so upset, I was looking forward to them kind of "representing" me there and introducing them to all my work friends but feel really let down and sad Sad

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 29/09/2015 13:50

Actually after reading your further posts I'd say the friendship is as good as dead in the water anyway so go ahead - tell her all that shite you need to get off your chest. G'wan - she'll love you for it!
Then when - IF - you make new friends tell them you're so uptight that the rod up your arse has a rod up it's arse and that they'd better never ever stray from your very rigid path of acceptable behaviour or else you'll just HAVE to whine on and moan to them about their transgressions in the name of 'getting it off your chest'.
Jesus.

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 13:56

We met at university when we lived together and have been friends for about 7 years, although I got closer to friend B over the last two or three years really.

OP posts:
Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 13:58

Anyway thanks for all your advice. Neither of them have contacted me since so I will leave it rather than letting them know how I feel, maybe that is a bit needy of me!!

OP posts:
KourtneyK · 29/09/2015 14:00

Do you have family, a partner and/or children, toostressed? You sound like you're putting all your eggs into one basket.

BastardGoDarkly · 29/09/2015 14:00

I'd honestly text them and say thanks for making your birthday such a good one, and sorry if you were a bit stroppy about the lateness thing.

LovelyFriend · 29/09/2015 14:02

YABUDQ!

BigRedBall · 29/09/2015 14:03

Haven't read the whole thread but I wouldn't attend a "FUN" run if my life depended on it! I'm not even unhealthy and walk everywhere, but no way would I go to a thing like that. They seem like nice friends tbh and you're overreacting. Chin up. Get over it.

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 14:05

No I don't know kourtneyk, we're all in our mid twenties and don't have families or partners right now. So I'd actually go so far as to say that we are among each other's most important people, they certainly are for me

OP posts:
AssembleTheMinions · 29/09/2015 14:07

This thread has to be a wind up.

Stillunexpected · 29/09/2015 14:07

What kind of company has a friends and family event on a Thursday??? How are people expected to get there - take the day off work, pull their children out of school? Are you actually in the UK, OP?

I hope to heavens your friends didn't pay £30 for the "privilege" of attending this event only to then have you be off with them for being late! Your work colleagues won't have given a damn about meeting them or not, in fact, if you made a big deal about them coming they may have felt you were a bit strange! They also won't have known if they arrived at 10, 12 or 1 if the event went on all day? Seriously, if you want to keep these friends, calm down and let it go!

BastardGoDarkly · 29/09/2015 14:09

Then look after them op, cut them some slack, and get in touch with them, in a friendly way. They deserve it.

kungfupannda · 29/09/2015 14:10

You need to sit down and have a proper think about things, and try to work out why you're feeling like this. Right now it doesn't sound as though your expectations are remotely reasonable.

You expect your friend to put herself out for you when you move to her city - and then when she invites you to something you tell her you didn't enjoy it and don't like her friends - and then complain that she isn't including you in things.

You feel let down by them - after they've attended a birthday dinner, stayed the night and paid £30 to attend your work event.

Surely you can see that you are being unreasonable towards them? It sounds as though there's something else going on, and you're pinning everything on these friends, when they seem to be perfectly nice and supportive.

laffymeal · 29/09/2015 14:12

The op isn't interested in advice. They just want the thread perpetuated.Wink

CrapBag · 29/09/2015 14:15

They haven't contacted you since? This was very recent wasn't it? I don't hear from my friends that often. I think it's another example of your overreacting. Did you at least reply to her messages that she has sent you? Because if you haven't (and not to have a go) then I'd not be contacting you either as I'd at least expect a reply.

FarFromAnyRoad · 29/09/2015 14:20

One does wonder Assemble. Hmm

Roussette · 29/09/2015 14:37

I'd be paying £30 not to attend your works sports day, it sounds awful.

You sound smothering. Back off. Leave them be. And hope against all hope they are still friends with you. doubtful

MissMoo22 · 29/09/2015 15:27

Holy fuck OP, I mean this with the best intentions, honestly, but you are totally fucking unreasonable! Your poor friends have tried to give you a good birthday and one even brought you into her new circle of friends which, to be blunt, if you come across as needy in real life as you do here, must have been a bit nerve wracking for only for you to then go and alienate yourself and tell her the party was shit and her friends are crap! You really need to evaluate your attitude to your friends. Ask yourself hat makes you such a good friend to them? Do you honestly think being late for something is worthy of the cold shoulder and the intention of offloading your anger at your friend?

I am late for my friends all the time. Why? Because life gets in the way. A lot. 3 kids, a partner who works til whatever time he can get away at, a medical condition and a million other things cause me to be late. It happens, my friends understand. They'll joke about it all the time but they know if it's a really important event I will do everything I can to be on time but for drinks at someone's house or going to a bar, yes, I'm usually late. I would not expect a friend to text me in anger about my lateness unless it meant she missed out on something or it cost her money. And late because they got on the wrong bus yet you're still pissed off? Sorry but you are the one with the issue here, not them.

You should text your friend 'Sorry I didn't get back to you, I've been feeling really low lately about not making many friends around here and had been looking forward to you meeting my workmates. When you were both late for the event I can admit I was upset for a few days but now realise I shouldn't have been because you have been supportive of me and tried to welcome me into your new group of friends which I had no right to be rude about. Thanks for coming for my birthday it means a lot and sorry if my insecurities put a dampner on the aftermath of it, I do appreciate you both being here' because honestly? You sound like you need these friends at the minute and if I was you I'd remember that it's easy to lose them, not so easy to find new ones though.

todoslosanimaless · 29/09/2015 15:49

OP you really can't hear how you sound, can you!!!!!

Spartans · 29/09/2015 16:09

When you text them to say thank you for coming over for the weekend, did they reply?

thebestfurchinchilla · 29/09/2015 16:17

Time to move on Op. Have to agree with Hamiltoes

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 16:22

No they haven't replied to my message. I can see they've been online and it's been a few days now. They've definitely seen it and normally we'd be in contact every day or so

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 29/09/2015 16:23

Eh? They stayed over at your house, so why didn't you just take them with you when you went?

Spartans · 29/09/2015 16:23

So you did message them and thank them for the effort you made?

Original poster
toostressedtobeblessed · 29/09/2015 16:27

Well I replied to their texts just saying that I hope they had a good time and that i had a nice weekend. But nothing back.

Number I left the house st 6am, I wasn't going to demand that they came with me! They promised to come at 9ish but were 2 hours late

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 29/09/2015 16:27

How far is it from your house to the event? roughly how many stops on the tube and do they have to change lines?