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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
ScarletRuby · 23/09/2015 15:01

Personally I think it admirable that he wants to be there for his girlfriend, but is this really an either or situation, can not be off together. Ultimately I think your manager should decide.

NoisyOyster · 23/09/2015 15:02

Sod him, despite whatever his personal circumstances, he's booked his leave you've booked yours.

Stand your ground

Power

(I've been screwed over a lot in the last regarding leave. I'm now FIRM)

brokenhearted55a · 23/09/2015 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 15:03

I understand why he wants it off.

Its just annoying that hes had so much time off anyway ... a lot of people quit all at once which meant our workload tripled and that only one person can be off.

OP posts:
slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 15:04

The place wont fall apart without you both for one day?

It wouldn't. But there would be no way that we could both have the day off.

The work load would be too much for those that are left.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 23/09/2015 15:05

He is not your problem ,you take your day off and let the managers deal with his request .

TheBunnyOfDoom · 23/09/2015 15:06

Tell him tough shit. You booked it off and have plans you can't cancel.

BowiesJumper · 23/09/2015 15:06

Just say you're really sorry but you have personal appointments you can't rearrange.

It's not your fault he's effectively blocked you from having any time off this month (by him being off already).

Spartans · 23/09/2015 15:06

Why does it matter how much time he has had off this month?

You both get leave, he isn't less deserving because he took his at once. Although it's very short sighted.

Yanbu to be annoyed but I also see why he wants it off. I think it needs to be up to your manager to decide, but really it's shouldnt be a case of you having to cancel if he needs a personal day. It should be a case of he can take it, if you don't mind swopping or you both can have it off.

Stillunexpected · 23/09/2015 15:07

Well you applied first and had the date approved. It is not up to you to cancel your day off - for all he knows, you might have something booked which cannot be cancelled or which will incur significant cost. Ignore his email and let your manager, or whoever is in charge of holidays, sort it out.

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 15:09

Why does it matter how much time he has had off this month?

Because he took it all off at once, meaning no one else could book a day off.

I think it needs to be up to your manager to decide

It's not her decision as I've already booked it off so she wouldn't make me un-book it.

She'd let me make the decision.

OP posts:
Patapouf · 23/09/2015 15:09

He's got a right cheek to say sorry about you having to cancel your leave. The sod, don't back down!

arethereanyleftatall · 23/09/2015 15:10

Hmmm, you did apply first, but the nice thing to do would be to let him go. Supporting his gf during a difficult time trumps a haircut.

BiddyPop · 23/09/2015 15:11

Who gets to decide on leave though?

Has your day off already been approved and he is now looking to be off at the same time? Does one of you need to be in work?

My initial take, based on the info you've given, is that you have already sought and been approved a day off on Friday.

Your colleague has sought, and been approved, many more days in September already. While being off today, and tomorrow, he has asked for Friday (not pre-approved) off as well - for a very specific personal reason. He assumes that you will roll over.

You are already approved, and have made arrangements for the day (although it wouldn't matter if your plan was to sleep all day).

Morally, in terms of supporting his GF, he has a case for the day.

But realistically, he is already taking a lot of days and this was not already planned. You made arrangements around his plans already.

As I said, my assumptions based on what you wrote.

I personally know I would feel somewhat "bugger off you twat" about it (based on the way you describe him) and that I am entitled to some time off too around his plans. Leave must be fairly shared.

I MAY feel sorry for his GF, and I MAY consider changing my appointments IF that was feasible. But I would also talk to the person approving leave and let them know that you are being unfairly pressured to come into work on Friday and that you are not happy about it.

I would leave it up to the manager involved though to make any final decisions I think.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/09/2015 15:14

I think that, having made sure no-one could have any leave, for a whole month, he goes to the back of the queue for leave allocation.

OP - YANBU or a bitch.

BiddyPop · 23/09/2015 15:15

OK I type slowly.

Yes, the nice thing to do would be to let him have the day. But everyone else has been suffering because he has taken all the time off so far.

If your manager would not make you un-book it, then I would sit and drink a cup of tea. Think about what he would do in the same situation (your DH has a procedure and you want to be at home the next day with him). Would he help you out in those circs?

I try and be nice to people, but the picture you've painted of him makes me say I wouldn't unbook things and give him the day. He should have planned his own days a bit better.

I know though, I've probably just lost the moral high ground.....

MrsTrentReznor · 23/09/2015 15:17

I'd still take it.
I don't go to work to make friends.

OliviaM91 · 23/09/2015 15:19

MrsTrentReznor this a hundred times! YANBU, enjoy your day off.

CruCru · 23/09/2015 15:22

Hmm. This is a difficult one.

Is he someone who often claims to have problems? For instance, does he often have emergencies or is this a one off?

It's quite a personal thing to tell a colleague. Why didn't he book holiday sooner? How far in advance are these things arranged?

CruCru · 23/09/2015 15:23

By the way, using all his holiday just means he gets the extra holiday taken out of his pay if he leaves.

Junosmum · 23/09/2015 15:24

Is he likely to call in sick of he doesn't get it off?

BertrandRussell · 23/09/2015 15:25

Jesus- what a mean spirited lot! Op- if you don't take this Friday off, Shen will you get a day off?

RealityCheque · 23/09/2015 15:25

This is not difficult at all.

You have it booked so you take it. UNLESS you WANT to allow him to take it instead, in which case you should insist that he cancels one of his leave days (which suits you) for you to take instead.

If he refuses then don't.
If you don't want to change your plans then don't.

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 15:26

I'm going to go against the grain and say, if it were me, that given the circumstances I would let him have the day to support his girlfriend. An abortion trumps a hair appointment and a career guidance meeting in my book. That's assuming you think he's telling the truth.

I also think his text was trying to nice.

ChickenTikkaMassala · 23/09/2015 15:26

Sod him, you booked your day off first and CruCru is right, he'll owe money if he leaves before he gets his next A/L entitlement.

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