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Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 23/09/2015 15:45

planned, not planed.

Groovee · 23/09/2015 15:45

He's got the whole month off bar Friday?

I'd be saying no regardless of the reason. I'm not heartless but sometimes you need a day off and put yourself first.

NotMeUsNotIWe · 23/09/2015 15:46

Another here having difficulty with the overshare and the coincidence that his gf can only have her abortion on this specific date.

In any case the reason for his leave request is not relevant to you as you are not his manager. The company is short staffed for whatever reason and it is managers responsibility to deal with leave requests/ensure adequate staffing levels. IMO it's actually a bit inappropriate for staff to be in a position where they feel they have to put forward the "best" argument among themselves to take the leave they are presumably entitled to take.

In your shoes I'd respond with something like "sorry about your difficulty however I'm unable to change my plans so will leave you speak to manager"

Original poster
slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 15:47

Well, she shouldn't. She's the manager, it's her job. She gets paid more (I assume) than you because her job involves making tough decisions and telling people about them.

Take it to her and make it clear that workload issues are for her to think about. And I wouldn't get into discussions with your colleague about it.

Well no, with holiday its first come etc

Therefore I know I 100% have the day off.

I feel I'm being guilted into unbooking my day off.

OP posts:
Original poster
slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 15:49

Just to make this clear so I will put it in capitals.

ABORTION IS ON THURSDAY.

HE WANTS THE FRIDAY OFF TOO.

If the abortion was on the same day I would have un-booked my day off.

OP posts:
MTWTFSS · 23/09/2015 15:50

Stand your ground slowdancing! Take the day off! Do not give it to this guy!

GoringBit · 23/09/2015 15:50

Admirable that he's going to be with his GF for the abortion. Oversharing to have told you. Unreasonable to ask you to give up your day off - I'd feel differently if Friday was the day of the abortion.

I think you should refuse, but totally get that it's easier said than done.

NotMeUsNotIWe · 23/09/2015 15:51

You've nothing to feel guilty about Op! Your employer have put in place a first come, first served rule re annual leave yet at the same time require that only one person be on leave on any given day. It's hardly unforseeable that at times there will be difficulties with this but it's still not up to the staff to sort that out for the Company.

It isn't your responsibility to sort this out, keep referring him back to management.

saveforthat · 23/09/2015 15:51

There is no way your manager should leave this decision to you. Just say you have made plans that you can't rearrange. If one of you was seriously ill when the other was on leavs, what would she do, oh yes manage. In my office noone is ever asked if they will change their leave if someone else can't come in. If your manager has a manager go to her and say you feel under pressure.

KevinAndMe · 23/09/2015 15:53

It's not the day of the abortion. He will have saturday and sunday too to be with her.
You book your day off and have an important meeting planned with a career advisor.

You keep your day.

SirChenjin · 23/09/2015 15:53

Do you think he's telling the truth?

If so, then given the circumstances (which as a PP said, seem very personal to be sharing at work) I would cancel my appointment. If you think he's swinging it then no way.

I know we don't go to work to make friends blah blah, but when you working in a team a bit of consideration and kindness goes a long way. If he's telling the truth, that is.

OP - you do know that if he's used up his AL allocation for the year and gets another job he'll be expected to pay that leave back in some way?

itmustbeglove · 23/09/2015 15:55

I'm a soft touch and would take the AL another day, but I would definitely feel resentful so that would spoil any pious feelings.

allnewredfairy · 23/09/2015 15:57

'My leave has been booked and authorised in advance but I do hope you manage to get your day as compassionate Wanker. It must be a difficult time for you'

Original poster
slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 15:57

OP - you do know that if he's used up his AL allocation for the year and gets another job he'll be expected to pay that leave back in some way?

I know that.

I've also told him that, and he doesn't believe me .... so thats his problem. I don't really have anything further to say in regards to that.

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 15:58

Another here having difficulty with the overshare and the coincidence that his gf can only have her abortion on this specific date.

Do you really think this is something the GF would want to postpone? Seriously? Confused

kali110 · 23/09/2015 15:58

If it were me i would swap with him!( i never usually swap), but i would in these circumstances!
So what if the abortion is the thursday? Sure his poor gf may need him around the next day too!
I hope he calls in sick.
I'd want my other half with me.

pluck · 23/09/2015 15:58

I wouldn't believe him, either, but YellowDinosaur's compromise might work, if YOU feel it's acceptable.

Also not impressed that your manager has let you take the flack for this.

NotMeUsNotIWe · 23/09/2015 16:00

I've no idea ten but given he's apparently booked ALL other days off I would think when booking this the dates might have been a consideration if it was necessary for him to spend a number of days with her for support.

OnlyLovers · 23/09/2015 16:01

I feel I'm being guilted into unbooking my day off.

Another good reason to refer it back to your manager! You don't need to deal with this.

NellysKnickers · 23/09/2015 16:05

I think he's lying. Do not back down. You are not being a bitch at all. I had something similar happen once. A lady I worked with had booked a week off, I had the following week off. She was going abroad on holiday. The daft cow had booked the wrong week off work and told me unless I cancelled my week off and let her have it instead, I would be liable for the cost of her holiday as she wouldn't be able to go Hmm Like a twit I did what I was told, young and naive back then - if it happened today, no way!!

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 16:06

NotMe Maybe the GF said she would go alone than changed her mind.
Maybe she didn't tell him about the abortion until the last minute.
Maybe it wasn't arranged until the last minute.
Maybe they had a later appointment booked and there was a cancellation so they got slotted in.

Or maybe it's all a big fat lie. Personally I wouldn't want to take the risk knowing there might be a woman out there recovering from her abortion alone. But that's just me.

rainpouringrainbows · 23/09/2015 16:06

You are being perfectly reasonable. I would keep my day off.

Just say you have booked something that cannot be rearranged, you could have a medical appointment for all he knows. I hate when people try to use sob stories to get their own way.

His text is completely out of order!

BlueMoonRising · 23/09/2015 16:07

I'd phone him back and say 'I'm sorry, I have a job interview that I can't rearrange'.

And see how he reacts then....

Then if anyone else says anything because he has let it slip, deny all knowledge.

And because it was a phone conversation, there's nothing to back up his story...

Nah, I wouldn't really. But it would cross my mind.

YANBU to take the day off. You have things you need to do, and trying to find another day in which to do them is tricky because he has all the other days off. I'd contemplate it if he'd offered to swap days off, but it doesn't sound like he has.

MrsDeVere · 23/09/2015 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotMeUsNotIWe · 23/09/2015 16:12

Maybe lots of things ten but it's not actually the ops responsibility to consider all of this. On any given day in any company you could have one colleague looking for leave for this reason, another who booked the day for an interview, someone else signing for a house, looking after a sick granny and so on and so on, it's not relevant. The point is the op is not responsible for the leave situation, her employer is and forcing the staff to negotiate among themselves is poor management. She can sympathise with his difficult situation but should not feel guilted into giving up leave.