Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

[slowdancinginaburningroom]

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

Why is it stupid, assuming it fits in with business needs (not necessarily the case here)

Don't cancel it. She is an adult - women go back to work after abortions in their lunch hour sometimes. Sounds like he is utterly selfish.

Have you texted him back at all yet OP?

I cancelled my leave once when a colleague told me my boss had said I had to come in as someone else was off unexpectedly (I can't recall why). I was bumfaced to receive my signed and completed leave form from my boss the week later, and even more so when in a conversation about how we would cover staffing when someone else was off I was told by the same colleague I had come in that day as "a favour".

I feel sorry for the GF, but it is the day after; you have made a commitment that has required considerable pre-planning, and if it needs cancelling I would expect your boss to ask you personally as a favour.

Good luck.

RealityCheque: "Clam - of course a manger cannot subsequently cancel someones already booked leave. That would be daft."

"Lougle: Furthermore, by arguing with people that have significant experience of working in this exact field, you are making yourself look rather foolish. HTH."

You work in the field? Then I sure as hell hope that your interpersonal skills there are a little more evident than on here.

HTH.

I cam back hoping that shovetheholly would have explained her "EMMANUEL LEVINAS" comment - but no.

I hope this bloke doesn't assume that his half-arsed text counts as having squared it with you that you're OK with cancelling leave and covering for him? Might he have told the boss that you're OK with it, and she's therefore expecting you in?

(I know he's no grounds for thinking this, but there are people around who can quite happily alter facts to suit their own agenda).

OP, there is no way I would cancel your day off. You have an important meeting that day and you are entitled to take your leave as you need to. You need to put yourself first. It may sound harsh but your colleague's personal life is none of your concern. If he wants the day off, then he'll have to see if his manager will allow him to take the day but you are most certainly NOT to cancel your day off. It is really important that you go for your career counselling meeting.

I had assumed she meant 'we are all one, to do harm to another is to harm ourselves'

But as he was highly existential and usually exceptionally concept dense she may not have, she may have meant any other translation of 'other' she may have been shouting at those of us who assumed the colleague is lying... as we have substituted the real colleague for our idea of him, thus denying him his personal autonomy.

Then again, as that is all we do when we respond to the written word I suppose we could spend all of our time shouting EMMANUEL LEVINAS at each other, in an existential manner.

Personally I am with Heidigger, we use our environment functionally, so if it helps me to make a decision by making assumptions based on past experiences, I will do so without pondering how I am harming my existential 'other'.

Can you tell I studied phenomenology and ethics for a while? Can I still wrote a load of tut and make it sound important?

A written tut, OurBlanche* - and a too.

Ithangyou

I haven't typed 'existentialist' for ages... it brought back memories, mainly of 18/19 year olds trying very hard to remember the definition of lots of words whilst not looking puzzled.

I was a mature student... I had perfected the look (if not the vocabulary)

Shove

Given that the bloke seems to be a selfish dick, what makes you think that he will still to any arrangement?

That was very aggressive, RealityCheque

I don't feel foolish and how would anyone know that you work in this field?

We must tell the Deputy Knowledge Manager at ACAS that they've got it wrong:

"10 myths that pervade the HR industry

4. Employers can’t cancel booked holidays

Most managers and employers will do as much as they can to balance holiday requests but sometimes a change in circumstances eg a last minute big order, could mean all hands on deck. Employers can cancel booked holidays but they should give notice equivalent to the amount of holiday requested. It’s good practice to find a way to provide leave fairly and consistently to staff that’s sustainable for the business and not cancel holidays unless absolutely necessary." HR Zone

I don't really care about the issue one way or the other, lougle, but it does piss me off to be spoken to so bloody rudely patronisingly (by Reality), as you were too, for asking a perfectly reasonable question.

It clearly wasn't so "daft" after all, if several people wondered the same thing (and your link above stands). And I too had certainly heard that the Emergency Services for instance, can and do cancel all leave in extreme circumstances.

Good morning. I hope you have a lovely day off

Enjoy your lovely and well deserved day off op.

Have a good day off OP and good luck with the careers appointment.

Come back op and update.
And Fwiw I hope the gf is ok , would be nice to think she has no idea she was meant to be having any procedure yesterday

Good luck with your careers appointment. Enjoy the haircut too.

Don't answer calls from work!

Thank you OurBlanche

I know how you feel about using "existentialist". I might start using "eschatological" in real life more often again.

STDG I was thinking it was an expression of disbelief, sort of like a pseudo-intellectual version of Gordon Bennett. Might start using it that way.

"OP: AIBU?
Me: EMMANUEL LEVINAS. YABU."

If shove was indeed referring to "we are all one, to do harm to another is to harm ourselves" by her reference to Levinas, surely that goes both ways? Colleague has already done harm to OP by nicking all the available leave during September, now he wants to harm her further by making her forego her one day off and all her plans for that day because he perceives that his and his girlfriend's needs are more important. And that is despite the fact that he could have planned things so that he could have been available for his girlfriend without harming OP.

I hope you've had a good day off, OP.

I really hope the OP did have her day off today :)

OP? Hope you did have the day off also.

I suppose the OP won't find out until Monday if the disappearing man turned up or not