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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
LurkingHusband · 23/09/2015 17:11

Do we even know that the girlfriend will be alone

Do we even know the girlfriend exists ?

CruCru · 23/09/2015 17:11

I like TheClacks response.

Andrewofgg · 23/09/2015 17:12

First come, first served. Nobody ever has to give up the day they've already booked.

RainbowFlutterby · 23/09/2015 17:12

Bertrand -

a. The abortion is on Thursday.
b. It's probably bullshit anyway.

CruCru · 23/09/2015 17:13

Presumably you don't need to tell him that you will be at the hairdresser.

Fairenuff · 23/09/2015 17:14

I would take the day off as planned OP. He will probably call in sick.

Original poster
slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 17:14

I do believe him about the abortion.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 23/09/2015 17:16

"Bertrand -

a. The abortion is on Thursday."

That's all right then. No chance she'll need any support or help on the Friday.

specialsubject · 23/09/2015 17:16

this is STILL not the OP's problem. (With the guy's history, it is entirely possible that this is a 'grandma's funeral' excuse - you know, the one that gives three days off when no-one has more than two grandmothers..)

but even if not - it is for the manager to sort out. The manager presumably has a plan if both are off sick on the same day. The OP's day off does not really affect the other guy. The manager could always get someone else in, as the contingency plan will allow for that.

(assuming competent management which I know is pie-in-the-sky...) But still not the OP's problem.

TamaraLamara · 23/09/2015 17:18

Just imagine the response if someone had posted "AIBU to be upset that my boyfriend says he can't have the day off to stay with me when I have an abortion because his colleague's got a hair appointment"

What has convinced you that the abortion is real?

BertrandRussell · 23/09/2015 17:18

Nope. Look after Number 1, that's what I say..........

beaucoupdemojo · 23/09/2015 17:18

The thing with being the bigger person is that it often just ends up with you being a doormat and everyone else getting their own way!

Original poster
slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 17:19

Yep. There's nothing more important than a haircut. You stick to your guns, OP. She'll be fine by herself.

My career appointment is important to me, as it was arranged through the university I went to.

I got the impression that he made a lot of effort to fit this in for me - I don't want to mess someone around who is going out of their way to help me for nothing.

The hair appointment .... not so important but it worked out well as it was close by and they could fit me in after my other appointment.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 23/09/2015 17:20

"What has convinced you that the abortion is real?"

Well, no reason not to be convinced for one. The OP saying it is for another.

beaucoupdemojo · 23/09/2015 17:24

If you let him get away with this, then you will be prioritising this prick over someone who has gone out of their way to help you out. You have a choice, I don't really get why you are conflicted enough to ask if yabu tbh. 'Colleague' has shown no consideration for you and has arrogantly assumed you will bend to his will. Seems simple to me to not do so!

TamaraLamara · 23/09/2015 17:24

Well, no reason not to be convinced for one. The OP saying it is for another

Has the OP said that the abortion is genuine? If so, my apologies as I've missed that. I understood that the colleague who requires the day off had told her about that that was the reason for needing Friday off, but I was not aware that the OP knew anything beyond taking her colleague's word for it.

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/09/2015 17:25

I haven't read the whole thread but it strikes me as a very odd thing to confide in a colleague and so "last minute" given he's had the rest of the month off. I would stand your ground completely, you booked the time off and I think his "appointment" is convenient because it gives him yet another long weekend....

Yamayo · 23/09/2015 17:26

Just to nitpick it's not just a hair appointment it's a meeting with a career counsellor.

Bottom line is the colleague should have liaised with the manager who would have then told him someone else was off that day.
Sending the OP that text was really presumptuous and entitled.

I get that he wants to support his GF (the OP seems to think it is true) but he will get to take her to the appointment take her home and look after her for a day.
It's not like she's going alone to the clinic.

unlucky83 · 23/09/2015 17:29

I also don't believe him...or rather I am struggling to.
As people are saying on this thread - that would trump almost anything.
Just seems pretty big coincidence that it is something like this on the one day you have managed to get off this month -it does seem to be a guilt trip thing...
And he mentioned it today? So you can't say anything about swapping today for Fri and he can even say it was booked for a day he was off and his GF is having a wobble.... too convenient.
Also I am wondering oif he is planning to leave if he is currently working somewhere else on a trial thing...either they are giving him a trial or he is seeing what he thinks of somewhere else...
You know him best - if it is the truth or likely to be made up - if in any doubt I might try and trick him or just stick to my guns.

emotionsecho · 23/09/2015 17:30

He's had practically all of September off which shows precious little consideration for his colleagues whatever his feelings about the job, and now he's trying to emotionally blackmail you. What happens when he leaves, will you be able to take time off?

If he'd not been so inconsiderate I would be inclined to change the day off but in this case I think I would go ahead with my day off as planned.

Muckogy · 23/09/2015 17:30

take the day off.
you went through correct procedure and you have now made plans.
absolutely do not apologise for it.
i'm sorry he and his girlfriend have to go through an abortion but he IS guilting you into coming in on your day off.

i've seen shit like this pulled time and time again at work.
i remember a colleague trying to guilt another colleague into coming in on his day off because he needed the day off to "save his marriage".
fuck that.
i hate this kind of shit. i really do.

also that manager has undermined you a bit, i think. she should manage her staff, its what she's being paid for.

RiverTam · 23/09/2015 17:30

If you think if this is all kosher then tell him that he needs to speak to his manager about is as you are unable to rearrange your appointment. No, your hair isn't important but your career meeting is. Not that it's any of his business, just as his gf's abortion isn't yours.

(I'm also Shock and Hmm at any company allowing someone to book an entire month off.)

dustarr73 · 23/09/2015 17:30

Well to be fair if he hadnt booked the whole month off ,maybe the op would be more understanding. I dont know whether to believe him about the abortion the timing just seems off.
And whether the op had a hair appointment or she was gonna sit in and drink tea all day,thats not here nor there.Its her day off,booked fair and square.

TamaraLamara · 23/09/2015 17:30

I haven't read the whole thread but it strikes me as a very odd thing to confide in a colleague and so "last minute" given he's had the rest of the month off

Yes, presumably the abortion was booked earlier than today, so why leave it so late to try to negotiate with the OP?

strawberrypenguin · 23/09/2015 17:31

Nope I wouldn't let him have it either OP but I do think your manager needs to actuall manage a bit better. They shouldn't have approved that much leave for him in one go if only one person can have leave at once and it shouldn't fall to you to deal with this - your manager should have asked you once than told him no.