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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
Notthisyear · 23/09/2015 16:37

I have had four mcs and precisely one day taken off by dh to support me - when I was in hospital. At my work you can't be off for a funeral unless it's a close family member, I don't see how he can insist on doing this. Being off on the day and at the weekend is enough. All other things being equal he could choose to take the day off but they're not, he will affect the OP's time and that isn't fair. You can't say one is more worthy than the other, that's like saying someone who spends the weekend lying on the sofa doesn't deserve the time off as much as someone who spends it mountain climbing.
His whole manner seems very presumptuous.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 23/09/2015 16:37

Don't engage with him if you don't want to. Just take your day off. If he really really needs to be with GF on Friday too, could he take unpaid leave or a family emergency day?

ThoseAwfulCurtains · 23/09/2015 16:37

If I thought he was telling the truth, I'd give up my hair appointment and the careers thing - not for his sake but for the sake of his girlfriend.

I'm not sure how I'd go about checking whether or not it was true though.

TheClacksAreDown · 23/09/2015 16:38

If you wanted to be passive aggressive you could amend my text to say

"I think there may have been some misunderstanding. I have important personal matters to deal with on my day off which I cannot defer any longer. I did rather need to deal with them earlier this month but that wasn't possible as I was unable to get the leave. You may wish to speak to [your manager] as to if there is anything else she can do to enable you to also be off. Hope everything goes OK."

cittigirl · 23/09/2015 16:38

I'm not sure I'd believe him and would be peeved he'd had so much time off in one month. Have they considered bringing the day of the abortion forward by one day, if it's possible? If it was me, I'd probably back down as I hate confrontation but I'd do it begrudgingly!

rainpouringrainbows · 23/09/2015 16:40

Personally I wouldn't want to take the risk knowing there might be a woman out there recovering from her abortion alone

Don't worry, she'll be completely fine (or can call an ambulance!)

He's not going on a business trip, it's a day at work before a weekend. He is definitively trying to take the proverbial p*

RiverTam · 23/09/2015 16:41

I also think that a) he's bulllshitting and b) that yes, it is your manager's problem, in that he can speak to her about needing a day off that clashes with a colleague's pre-booked leave.

scifisam · 23/09/2015 16:42

I'd give him the day and rearrange things my end. It doesn't sound like it's that hard to rearrange your appointments.

I wouldn't want to be the person who refused to change their leave day so that someone could look after their partner after an abortion. It might well not be true, but I'd give them the benefit of the doubt this time.

I'd also put it all down in writing in an email even if you talk face to face first.

Waltermittythesequel · 23/09/2015 16:42

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

This would really piss me off.

I'd respond "I won't have to cancel anything. I booked it off."

End of story! And I think he's bullshitting too!

Fromparistoberlin73 · 23/09/2015 16:43

what sci said

I know its annoying, but right now you are understandably annoyed as you are tired and want a day off

I think in the future you might regret it TBH

be the bigger person, and that's IT moving forward

saveforthat · 23/09/2015 16:44

Op - It is not your responsibility if she has to be alone (for one day). You do not have to check if he is telling the truth. It is not your problem. Enjoy your day off.

Waltermittythesequel · 23/09/2015 16:45

He'll be with her the day of the abortion and for the whole weekend from Friday evening. She'll be grand.

LurkingHusband · 23/09/2015 16:46

Just an distracted observation, but if this is a lie (which would be my guess), then the nature of it is quite unpleasant. I'm wondering if the same lie would have been used had the OP been a man ?

MythicalKings · 23/09/2015 16:46

Have you replied, OP?

saveforthat · 23/09/2015 16:46

And why would she regret it in the future? TBH anyone making comments like this is a bad as the manager

shiteforbrains · 23/09/2015 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dustarr73 · 23/09/2015 16:49

I dont believe his gf is having an abortion.He just wants more time off work.I wonder what the exscuse will be next week.

Op dont give up your day off,do what you have to do and really fuck him.He didnt give a fig about anyone else when he book blocked all that time off.

InimitableJeeves · 23/09/2015 16:50

Talking of bad management, I'm surprised that he has been allowed to book a whole month off in effect. In most companies there is a rule that you can't book more than two weeks off without prior permission, and they would be particularly reluctant to agree to it at the beginning of the holiday year.

Osolea · 23/09/2015 16:52

Have your day off. He doesn't need to be around the day after his girlfriends abortion, and if she doesn't want to be alone then she can ask friends or family. I don't think it's your place to speculate on whether he's telling the truth or not so that's irrelevant.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/09/2015 16:54

Do we even know that the girlfriend will be alone if the OP's colleague has to work? I would be surprised if she has absolutely no-one else who could spend that day with her.

ChickenTikkaMassala · 23/09/2015 16:59

I'm sure that she could ask a friend or family member to stay with her on Friday but I can understand why she'd prefer it was the boyfriend staying with her...

The text he sent would get my back up too and I'd find it very hard to not send a passive aggressive text back.

FishWithABicycle · 23/09/2015 16:59

I feel sorry for the gf having such a twat for a dp. However, his presumptuous arrogance in demanding you give up your day off means you really can't give in to him, he has to learn that he can't behave like that and get away with it. His gf will survive a day without him and he can be with her over the weekend - that is unless she dumps him for over sharing her private business to his colleagues.

thunderbird69 · 23/09/2015 17:05

What did he actually say when he told you he wants Friday off? and did you reply?

BertrandRussell · 23/09/2015 17:10

Yep. There's nothing more important than a haircut. You stick to your guns, OP. She'll be fine by herself. Hmm

Just imagine the response if someone had posted "AIBU to be upset that my boyfriend says he can't have the day off to stay with me when I have an abortion because his colleague's got a hair appointment"

Foffyouwanker · 23/09/2015 17:11

I agree with the clacks are down!