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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 23/09/2015 16:12

If you've already told him OP, then no, you can't do any more.

Referring it back to management and suggesting he asks for compassionate leave sounds the way forward.

TheClacksAreDown · 23/09/2015 16:15

I'd tell him "I think there may have been some misunderstanding. I have important personal matters to deal with on my day off which I cannot move. You may wish to speak to [your manager] as to if there is anything else she can do to enable you to also be off. Hope everything goes OK"

StormyBlue · 23/09/2015 16:16

I don't think the abortion having to be on the Thursday rather than her putting it off to another day is suspicious at all, it's not something you would just put off lightly. I have heard of some women having to wait a while to get an abortion appointment, which is obviously distressing and possibly uncomfortable (maybe she is throwing up every day!) having to stay pregnant when you don't want to be. There also may be time limits involved as to how invasive the procedure will be if she delays.

The overshare does seem a bit strange though. It sounds like something a notorious bullshitter at my old work place would have said.

I would just go off whether I believed him or not, to be honest, and you're the only one here who can judge that. If I genuinely thought a woman was alone and distressed post abortion I wouldn't be able to enjoy my day off! But yeah, it does sound dubious... Really scummy thing to do if he is lying.

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 16:18

I said what I would do, NotWe.

Alanna1 · 23/09/2015 16:19

Is there a different day in september you could do a "swop" for??

Hissy · 23/09/2015 16:21

He's lying. Just say no. His problem.

Binkybix · 23/09/2015 16:22

If he would swap a day and I could easily rearrange the appointments then I'd do it, but otherwise.

His presumptuous text would have got my back up!

runlulurun · 23/09/2015 16:24

Would it really be so hard to swap it for another day that he has booked off?

I don't think other posters are in a position to judge whether he is lying or not.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, and assuming it is true, then yes it would be good for him to be with her. Even if it is the day after, presumably there will be physical and emotional repercussions?

AcrossthePond55 · 23/09/2015 16:25

Nope, keep your day off. I find it v odd that he would share such a personal detail about his DP. I'd be furious if my DH shared something like that with a coworker.

I'd keep my plans and either not respond to any texts from him or reply as Clack's has suggested.

herethereandeverywhere · 23/09/2015 16:27

He can support her on the Thursday and before and after work on the Friday.

Don't change your plans, you sound like you need a day off.

BitchPeas · 23/09/2015 16:27

He's obviously lying . What a bell end. Stand your ground OP

nmg85 · 23/09/2015 16:29

Keep your day off. From his text he seems to assume you will back down which would make me angry anyway. I feel sorry for the GF as I wouldn't want my DH's work colleagues knowing anything like this. It should be down to your manager to deal with it not you, you shouldn't be put in a position that could cause friction later on.

BoldFox · 23/09/2015 16:30

I'm not sure i believe the abortion story. I can't believe he'd tell people something so personal.

WorktoLive · 23/09/2015 16:30

Seems a bit odd that he's allowed to use all his holiday allowance in one go at the start of the year.

No way would I give up my one day off when someone else is swanning off for the whole month unless it was a life or death emergency and the GFs abortion isn't necessarily anything like that. I've known several people go straight back to work the next day without any physical and emotional repercussions except a sense of relief and discomfort akin to mild period pain.

Trouble is that it's likely that he will go off sick if refused, but that's not the OPs problem. I would just take my one day off as planned and let the manager get on with managing colleagues.

TamaraLamara · 23/09/2015 16:31

Do you really think this is something the GF would want to postpone? Seriously?

The question mark hangs over whether the pregnancy/abortion is genuine, rather than whether it is reasonable for the gf to postpone it to another date.

I'm not sure how quickly a termination can be arranged, but surely he'll have known for a good few days now that the procedure was scheduled for Thursday and that he'd like to be off on Friday too. When did he broach the subject of the extra day? (Apologies if I missed that bit of info)

Katedotness1963 · 23/09/2015 16:31

You booked your day off. You've made plans. His girlfriend is not your problem. Take your day off and enjoy it. If he needs the day he needs to square it away with the boss somehow.

beaucoupdemojo · 23/09/2015 16:31

I say sod him. He seems to be acting as if his right to the day off automatically takes precedence over yours, even though you booked first. He should be asking you very politely if you would consider changing, not sending you a blase text! Cheeky bugger!

This is why people should keep some holiday in reserve, for life emergencies. Not your responsibility to cover his arse.

Penfold007 · 23/09/2015 16:31

If I could change my appointments and book another day off I probably would. However, he must have known for a while that she was pregnant and terminating the pregnancy, he should have booked his leave round the date.

Bet she will be chuffed he's told you she's having an abortion.

BoldFox · 23/09/2015 16:32

I'd say "i'm having an abortion myself, twins".

He obviously thinks that this is an excuse that nobody can argue with. I don't believe it. He's at the stage where he'll say anything to get friday off right?

whois · 23/09/2015 16:32

He's being a twat.

Don't back down, it will be hard to change your career appointment.

He can support his Gf on the actually day of the abortion. Then he can make her breakfast and give her a bit of TLC on Friday morning. Pop into work, call her at lunchtime and then go straight home after work to look after her. She will be fine to spend a few hours on her own tucked up on the sofa at home.

RandomMess · 23/09/2015 16:34

You already have plans that are difficult to rearrange so YANBU to keep your annual leave day.

BastardGoDarkly · 23/09/2015 16:34

I don't believe him. He CBA to come in for one day in between his holiday and the weekend.

I wouldn't give him the day off, and you're not being a bitch at all.

OnlyLovers · 23/09/2015 16:35

I have important personal matters to deal with on my day off which I cannot move.

The OP NEED NOT say anything about what she may or may not have planned. It's not the colleague's business.

There is no sensible response to this other than 'pass it to management'. If she doesn't deal with it in advance, well then she'll just have to deal with it on the day when two of her staff don't come in. It'll still be her neck on the line.

spanisharmada · 23/09/2015 16:35

If he was lying wouldn't he say the abortion was on the Friday rather than the day before?

LurkingHusband · 23/09/2015 16:37

If he was lying wouldn't he say the abortion was on the Friday rather than the day before?

But how would he get Thursday off as well ?

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