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Original poster

Am I being a bitch for insisting I have the day off over my colleague?

344 replies

slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 14:59

So we got our holidays for the year starting this month.

My colleague hate his job and has pretty much used up his entire holiday to be off for this month (as I'm pretty sure he wants to leave)

I managed to book this Friday off - the first week day off this month.

I've got a meeting with a career councillor and I've booked a hair appointment.

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion and that he wants Friday off too - as he wants to be with her.

Am I being selfish? I used that day as he had taken every other day off in September.

He is off today as well and sent me a text saying - I'm sorry that you might have to cancel your day off.

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 23/09/2015 15:27

Is he likely to call in sick of he doesn't get it off?

Still not the op's problem. I'd be very clear to him that I was not changing my day off. Unless he'd swap for another day next week if this suited you.

ChunkyPickle · 23/09/2015 15:27

Hell of a co-incidence that the only day the abortion can be done is the one day he doesn't have booked off no? Also, that's quite an over-share - are you sure it's for real?

DSClarke · 23/09/2015 15:29

I hate to be cynical, but do you really think his GF is having an abortion?

If so, he can ask for the manager to make the decision as this is an exceptional circumstance.

However I think he may be away on holiday and won't get back in time and is lying.

specialsubject · 23/09/2015 15:30

this is your manager's problem, not yours. That's what she is paid for. Don't let her slope shoulders on to you.

just tell him to speak to the manager.

suzannecaravan · 23/09/2015 15:32

you want to spend your day off over your colleague?
in what sense?
lying on top of him
hovering above in a hot air balloon/ with a jet pack

I just don't understand the questionConfused

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/09/2015 15:33

Would you really tell a colleague that your girlfriend is having an abortion? Really? It's so very personal.

I think he's spinning a line to put pressure on you.

Anotherusername1 · 23/09/2015 15:35

The thread title makes perfect sense.

If he was ill while you were away your workplace would have to cope. It's only one day. Ignore his texts, take the day and let him sort it out with your manager. If the reason is genuine, your manager should allow it on compassionate grounds. It's nothing to do with you.

MimiSunshine · 23/09/2015 15:35

Personally I'd say no. Bitchy maybe but I took his text as he felt he'll definitely have the day off which means you won't. That's not his call.

Is usually one for oversharing so much because to me that's a truck load of guilt he is piling on if you say no.
He's happy with 1st come 1st served when it suited him to have the whe month off so he can't just change the rules now.
No o e called him in for a week because they wanted a few days off on the time he'd ready booked off.

What's next, two colleagues who want the same 2 weeks for holidays have to say why their location / flight time means they deserve it more?

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 15:36

suzanne are you attempting to derail with weak humour, or do you have trouble with your reading comprehension?

Nonnainglese · 23/09/2015 15:37

I presume that if you'd been, for example, flying somewhere for a weekend away you wouldn't cancel it?
No different with already having plans imo, why the heck should you change your plans?
I'm not totally convinced about his reason either DSClarke, cynical me Hmm

Just say terribly sorry but have plans that can't be changed.

OurBlanche · 23/09/2015 15:38

I couldn't believe his reason, no one shares that information so easily.

Take you day and let your manager sort him out. He isn't considering anyone else in the office, I wouldn't allow him to dictate/steal my days off.

StealthPolarBear · 23/09/2015 15:40

Suzanne it means in preference to or instead of. I think it's clear.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/09/2015 15:40

I'm leaning towards what Whereyouleftit is saying. Is he usually a bullshitter OP?

However I have also been in the position of having to rearrange my abortion as my DP couldn't get the time off work to attend with me even after he told the 'decision maker' at his work the circumstances (I was under aneshetic so needed him to drive me, as well as being there for moral support)..

It was terribly upsetting, overwhelming in fact and I had to put up with 4 more days of cripilling nausea as well as the upset of carrying a pregnancy which was going to end.

Think wisely OP. Only you can decide what the right choice is.

bigbuttons · 23/09/2015 15:41

I suspect he's not telling the truth anyway. I think that he'll come up with more and more dramatic reasons to get off work. Then he'll Jack the job in.

OnlyLovers · 23/09/2015 15:42

She'd let me make the decision.

Well, she shouldn't. She's the manager, it's her job. She gets paid more (I assume) than you because her job involves making tough decisions and telling people about them.

Take it to her and make it clear that workload issues are for her to think about. And I wouldn't get into discussions with your colleague about it.

StealthPolarBear · 23/09/2015 15:42

"An abortion trumps a hair appointment and a career guidance meeting in my book"
This is someone else's abortion, on a different day anyway. I understand he might want to be with her the day after too but her abortion is tonorrow.

LurkingHusband · 23/09/2015 15:43

My colleague has informed me that he is having tomorrow off to go with his girlfriend to have an abortion

I appreciate the OPs question. However this bit had me a bit Shock. It seems incredibly personal information to share with colleagues (not friends) at work.

Or am I becoming a fuddy-duddy ?

specialsubject · 23/09/2015 15:43

refer him to the manager and then block/delete all further texts. Not your problem.

DiscoMoo · 23/09/2015 15:44

I also think he's lying to guilt trip you into having the day off. I'd tell him you're taking your day's leave and he can take it up with the manager.

Original poster
slowdancinginaburningroom · 23/09/2015 15:44

Hell of a co-incidence that the only day the abortion can be done is the one day he doesn't have booked off no?

Sorry if I wasn't clear.

The abortion is on Thursday - he has the day off.

He also wants Friday off too.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 23/09/2015 15:44

Sooo... what would happen if you had your holiday as planed and your colleague was suddenly ill?

Because really he is asking for compassionate leave, not holiday, and that has to be up to your manager, doesn't it?

StealthPolarBear · 23/09/2015 15:44

No you're right it it. A cynic might say it's timed perfectly before the weekend too (as in I don't believe him!)

RB68 · 23/09/2015 15:44

I would weigh it up and ask myself if I thought what he was saying was true. If I thought on balance it was, I would say I am prepared to trade my day for one of yours. If he is not prepared to do that then you have to ask if that is the real circumstance. Also if any cost incurred in changing appts then I would also be passing that along to him, probably not expecting it to be paid but making a point.

I reckon he has an interview and he felt that was the only way he would get leave - sorry but I am cynical.

wannabestressfree · 23/09/2015 15:45

I would still take the day off- hard or not its not your problem. He needs to deal with it....

mileend2bermondsey · 23/09/2015 15:45

Oh its the day after the abortion? Oh fuck him then, seriously.

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