To think that people who claim they hate dummies are a bit thick/ignorant?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

We've gave ds2 a dummy quite early on and he took to it straight away. He generally tends to need it to get to sleep, he also has reflux and although we've got medication and position him upright etc he still gets a little uncomfortable and the dummy helps. Just for context ds1 never had a dummy and never wanted one but then later on he started sucking his thumb, this was a very difficult habit to break but he eventually just grew out of it.

I've had quite a few bad reactions to the dummy mostly quite a few people saying how they hate dummies, but with no real reason why. I had one person going on and on about how dummies are for lazy parents just to shut the baby up, and how if the babies crying they obviously need something. Well yes their dummy!

It's made me quite conscious about using the comforter.

Why the hatred? I think it's ignorance if they've never had a sucky baby.

Ds needs are always met and offered feeds and given lots of cuddles he often gets to sleep in our bed he's always close to someone he just needs the dummy.

I will say again I'm not calling anyone thick or ignorant for not using a dummy.

I think it's stupid and ignorant to judge and sneer at other parents for using a dummy and claiming to hate dummy's just because you didn't use one, also tends to go hand in hand with people assuming not needing a dummy was down to their great parenting and nothing to do with their babies personalities.

There is research to suggest that dummies can cause certain problems, there's other research that suggests they have benefits. There's 'research' about of lot of the things we do and links to this problem and that problem. Whether it be bf or ff, co sleeping or not, weaning age etc, some people will do x, y and z and be fine but you make decisions based on your experience and the facts and the pros and cons. Just to balance I've met healthcare professionals who have encouraged dummy use.

I see a lot of dummy stereotyping on here which is exactly what I'm talking about. Assumptions that parents will be forcing dummies into 4 year olds mouth having just dropped them on the floor. It's stereotyping and it's ignorant. There isn't a good solid reason to have a blanket hatred of a dummy other than your own prejudices and negative associations.

So, what you actually mean is, you think it is unacceptable for people to come up to you and tell you that they think you are wrong to be using a dummy, because they don't know you or your baby and don't know enough about the pros and cons of dummy use to be able to make such unsolicited and hurtful comments. Rather than addressing the whole world on an internet forum with your opinion that such people are thick and ignorant, perhaps you should follow your own advice and not proffer uncalled for and offensive opinions which do not appear to have been very carefully thought through before you made them? If you had thought a bit more about it, I'm sure you could have thought of a better way of expressing yourself!

Wow you are charming . I don't like dummies, I don't like cheese or chocolate either that doesn't make me wrong because other people do. I am just as entitled to my opinions as you or anyone else is. You must be really insecure as to your choices to let this bother you so much.

My DM has a variety of sensory issues that mean that perfectly normal things feel like nails screeching on a blackboard and make her want to vomit. One of those is the sound of dummy sucking. It makes her quirky, but I'm not seeing how it makes her thick or ignorant.
Thank heavens my DC were born before research about dummies preventing SIDS came out because I'd have had to have chosen between making life infinitesimally safer for my PFB or the sanity of my DM.

To be honest I would have thought that anyone reading would read the actual op rather than just the thread title, in the op I clearly explained that I'd been offended by people openly criticising and that I felt it was ignorant to have a blanket hatred of dummy's.

Why bother to change the thread title when I feel that I've explained myself and some posters are very clearly enjoying getting offended and making snide digs

Your OP says "why the hatred?". People have given a wide range of reasons why they hate them.

I think most but a few people on this thread know exactly what I am talking about but are relishing in bashing me for a clumsily worded thread title.

I can already hear half the people who offended you with their comments asking you the same question, OP... Why bother to change the way they commented when, if you'd asked them to explain themselves, they might have been able to clarify their opinions? Clearly, you also enjoy getting offended and making snide digs about "thick" and "ignorant" people, they could well be telling themselves...

No, I don't think that's the case Pyjama.

I think you need to take a step back and breathe. You expressed yourself badly in the thread title, but I think that's indicative of the fact that you seem to have a lot of anger/defensiveness/insecurity around this issue. Why do you think this might be? And this is what you need to work on, because you aren't going to succeed in changing people's minds and getting 100% validation for your choice. Which is what you seem to want.

For example, you wrote this: "claiming to hate dummy's just because you didn't use one, also tends to go hand in hand with people assuming not needing a dummy was down to their great parenting and nothing to do with their babies personalities." What a gross generalisation.

And very offensive, too!

In other words, it was not just the title of your post that was offensive, OP, but the content, also. You have been exceptionally judgemental and stereotyped people, whilst simultaneously accusing others of this heinous crime.

Right ok, I don't want or need validation thank you, I have two lovely boys and I'm generally quite happy with the decisions I've made for them and I'm also happy to admit or ask for advice if I'm unsure about something, you're wrong.

I was/am annoyed and a bit hurt by a few people's ignorant remarks at a time when I was a new mum and knackered, I don't particularly like or respect those people and they're not people who I need to validate my choices, they are people who I tolerate.

Well, why tar everyone with the same brush then?

It's not just a clumsy title it's goady and rude. Saying ignorant if they judge rather than ignorant if they just don't like them is v different.

From your posts it is clear that that isn't true, clearly you aren't comfortable with your decision or you wouldn't be so defensive and rude

Ok my last post as I'm clearly winding people up further.

I see hating a dummy as very different to hating a good or a TV show, in that using a dummy for your baby is a parenting decision that affects the baby and the wider family, and is usually given to an inconsolable baby to aid sleep or to help settle. Probably at a time when you're knackered and unsure what to try next.

When people say they hate them, I think "yeah well you haven't had my baby". Usually the reasons are a bit flimsy and judge, things like because they're ugly, or because they're for lazy people, or because some 3 year olds still have them. I personally stand by thinking that this is mostly ignorance and judgement and also often misconceptions.

I can imagine if the thread had been a reverse, aibu to think that people who shove dummy's in their kids mouths are lazy and crap, and to have told my sil this in her home with her two week old, then to have gone on to have told her how she'll wreck her kids teeth, delay his speech and how dummies are filthy and full of bacteria.

I'm not insecure about my decision, ive also had several people pull faces and say it's a shame I ended up with another boy, a girl would have been nice, that pisses me off too and makes me defensive but it doesn't mean that I'm insecure about having two lads.

Haven't RTFT, but I am a 26 year old woman who still sucks her thumb and if my babies even hint at being the sucky types they will absolutely have dummies.

Actually definiteissues having had a boy who sucked his thumb until school age (although he seems to have survived unscathed) I had already decided that I would absolutely use a dummy for subsequent children.

I tried everything with ds as it became a total habit,in the end he only stopped through his own choice, but he tells even now that he still gets the urge to suck his thumb. He showed no signs of being sucky as a newborn either. With the dummy I can at least limit it's use a eventually wean him off it. I have no doubt ds2 would be sucking his thumb if he didn't have the dummy, he searches for it and sucks his fingers when he's tired.

Awful spelling and grammar struggling using new phone.

I am neither thick nor ignorant and I dislike dummies. My DS never had one.

Pyjamaramadrama
"Right ok, I don't want or need validation, thank you"

Really? Then why did you make an AIBU thread?

When DS was in SCBU one of the first things they asked was if he could have a dummy. They used them when they were tube fed to get them to associate being fed with sucking

That usually shuts up the righteous