To think that people who claim they hate dummies are a bit thick/ignorant?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

We've gave ds2 a dummy quite early on and he took to it straight away. He generally tends to need it to get to sleep, he also has reflux and although we've got medication and position him upright etc he still gets a little uncomfortable and the dummy helps. Just for context ds1 never had a dummy and never wanted one but then later on he started sucking his thumb, this was a very difficult habit to break but he eventually just grew out of it.

I've had quite a few bad reactions to the dummy mostly quite a few people saying how they hate dummies, but with no real reason why. I had one person going on and on about how dummies are for lazy parents just to shut the baby up, and how if the babies crying they obviously need something. Well yes their dummy!

It's made me quite conscious about using the comforter.

Why the hatred? I think it's ignorance if they've never had a sucky baby.

Ds needs are always met and offered feeds and given lots of cuddles he often gets to sleep in our bed he's always close to someone he just needs the dummy.

I also hate peanuts and the smell of public toilets. I am neither thick, nor ignorant. I am, as will all preferences, exercising my right to be an individual with my own choices.

I will not judge you for your choices as long as you don't feel that you can judge me for my decision not to use a dummy with my children by calling me thick, or ignorant.

I don't personally like them. When I was growing up they were associated with stunting a baby's intelligence. Of course, this idea no longer exists, but I just don't feel it's quite right. Both of my nephews had them though, and if their intelligence has been stunted it might be for the best, any brighter and they'd be terrifying.

My baby refused a soother when her Dad offered one - I was delighted. Despite knowing logically that it's no harm and can be good, the look of it made me feel sick to my stomach. She has started finger sucking though, which I gather is worse.

I don't think dummies look nice and I loathe to see them in the gobs of older kids... yet I hold thus opinion as a mother of an almost 3 year old who still has a dummy at night. Thankfully DC2 had no interest in the ugly things.... although my child who has the dummy was a much calmer, easy going, chilled out, better sleeping of my kids. Go figure!!

RachelZoe where have I said that dummies are 100% the way to go no questions asked or any of that? Like I said I couldn't give a flying what others do.

I think it's very ignorant to just assume that parents giving their baby a dummy is lazy, not meeting their needs, going to damage their teeth or delay their speech or any of the other negative associations that aren't necessarily true.

However, I'm of the opinion that once a child can clearly articulate that they want their dummy, they are too old to have one.

Why? Replace that for teddy/comfort blanket.

Your OP laid out that you think people who 'hate' dummies are thick and ignorant. That's not the same as your latest post - where you call people thick for directly criticising your dummy use.

You need to be clearer about what you actually mean.

Anyway, while it's dickish behaviour to criticise anyone's parenting choices, you sound very defensive about your choice.

Dummies work for your baby. The rest of the world's opinion doesn't matter, right?

We were told to use one by the paediatrician to stop dysphagia (scarring of the oesophagus) caused by reflux.

Sadly I was judged when out and about. I personally didn't care.

Ds2 is now 9 and has just grown out of refluxing at night. Everyone seems to think that once children are upright the refluxing stops. It did for Ds1 (nice not to have to shampoo the carpet to remove the vomit) but sadly not for ds2.

I tried to never judge a parent for their choice. Walk a mile in their shoes and all that.

I feel that this thread has proved the way I was feeling. A lot of sneering and judging and negative associations without anything solid to back it up.

I HAVE NOT criticised or called anyone thick for not using a dummy, if you didn't need one then ideal, although I speak from experience when I say that thumb sucking is a much harder habit to break, I've called people thick for judging and sneering at parents for using this option to comfort a baby, in my cases usually in addition to other things. My ds is currently fast asleep in my arms after a feed and nappy change, with his dummy. Although to some I'm probably just taking the lazy option so I can mums net, no doubt I should have walked the floor for an hour with a screaming overtired baby, or an hours walkin the pram would have done it. The fact that he falls asleep instantly with his dummy and a cuddle tells me he wants to suckle. The people who I am calling thick and ignorant are those who would judge me for that because dummy's are 'ugly', 'lazy'.

I've called people thick for judging and sneering at parents for using this option to comfort a baby

Well no, you've called them thick for having a personal opinion.

I hate dummies.
I don't judge.
I am not thick.

Lauriemarlow I do feel that my op explained that I've been offended and feel conscious about my choice because of people's comments.

Things like 'eww you haven't given him a dummy have you', 'you'll wreck his teeth', 'he will never speak properly', 'dummies are soooo ugly', 'they're lazy, parents just shove them in their kids gob to shut them up because they're too lazy to find out what's wrong'.

I think people who post about others being thick and ignorant are that themselves.

I don't like dummies. Neither of mine had them. DD was a thumb sucker and DS had reflux. I don't regret not giving DD a dummy, we got her out of the thumb sucking habit. My sister had one until she was 5. It was ridiculous that she was at school, and would still come home and have a bloody dummy in her mouth. The trouble to get her off it was awful and a vowed never to use one.

They don't miss what they haven't had in the first place. Never had a problem with mine waking in the night because they lost their dummy and couldn't find it.

However I do judge those with toddlers running around with a dummy in for no reason. I also judge those when a baby is laying/sitting perfectly happy and the parent is there shoving a dummy in for no reason.

Some may use them at night and take them away after a year but the vast majority of parents that I see don't do this.

I'm not sure why anyone would hate something that consoles a tiny baby with a need to suckle, unless it is sheer ignorance about them having their place.

OP, how old is your DS? Apologies if I've missed it in the thread.

I'm not sure why anyone would hate something that consoles a tiny baby with a need to suckle, unless it is sheer ignorance about them having their place.

I think they are ugly.

The only ignorance seems to be in those who have an inability to understand that people have different opinions.

Again, I am neither thick or ignorant, but I hate dummies - most of the time and I don't even know why reallyl! I say most of the time because in small babies I get it totally understand (I used one when nothing else worked!!) but I loathe seeing them in both toddlers and older children (Harper Beckham etc). I'm talking about the 2/3/4 year olds walking down the street quite happily with a dummy shoved in their mouths. Plus, and I'm really pulling my judgy pants really tightly here, it affects language skills. A child cannot talk/develop language skills correctly with an item in their mouth and I know that from first hand experience.

You asked if you were BU for calling people thick and ignorant but unwilling to hear why people think you might be wrong. I think your title was rude, even if I understand your sentiment.

I don't like dummies so didn't give my five dc a dummy. I couldn't care less whether other people choose to give their dc a dummy though and wouldn't openly comment even if I did care. Dummies make me heave (those teats ) so could never have coped with having them in the house. None of mine sucked thumbs either but could have coped with that. I am definitely neither thick nor ignorant btw.

I was one of those 'judgey' parents (but in my head) before becoming a parent.

No.1 sucked his thumb and still does (16!) but only at home. No issues with teeth.
No.2 sucked her thumb, had sticky out teeth and stopped herself when in Y6.
No.3 had a dummy from 2 weeks as she was such a sucky baby we couldn't function properly with either myself feeding her or one of us sitting with a finger in her mouth. Just as we were thinking of weaning her off it she was diagnosed with reflux and the dummy was a g-dsend - especially the medicine dummy! She gave it up independently at 17 months.
No.1&2 also had reflux, but milder, and had we realised we'd have given them dummies too.

However, I still struggle to understand the idea of a 3 year old with a dummy on their mouth and one in each hand. For us, the dummy was a tool and when that need ceased we discussed how to get rid of it but, as above, she gave it up herself. Thankfully!

But I also did a lot of research about comforters for children. In Spain it is the norm for all babies to be given dummies and those that have such things are, generally, more well adjusted and able to cope with ups and downs as they get older if they have had this crutch in early life.

Not many children walk down the aisle in nappies with a dummy or bottle so people need to take a chill pill and decide what's right for them and develop a thick skin for the meddlers!

It seem to me that the hate dummy brigade are mostly just making a bunch of assumptions based on the 'bad reputation' of soothers, which proves my point.

With regards to people giving them to a happy baby, it may be possible the baby was due to have a nap or looking tired and the parent knows this. Unless you live with somebody 24/7 you can't possibly know.

You really need to quit calling people thick and ignorant because they don't agree with your opinion.

My baby is just a few months old and I also have a much older ds who was a thumb sucker, so I've seen both sides. Both boys are completely different and I'm definitely not a 'shove a dummy in their gob' parent.

It is perfectly possible to use a dummy as a sleep aid without it becoming an all day habit, ds is already using his dummy less as he becomes into more of a routine with his sleep. It's fallen out now and he's fast asleep. Thumb sucking is much harder to break as you cannot remove the thumb. The argument that it's ugly is just bizarre, my boobs are ugly but my baby loved and needed them too.

I will clearly just have to live with being judged I guess it's part and parcel of being a parent.

No, these are not assumptions based on no knowledge. They are facts based on research.

Fact - dummies can cause damage to teeth.
Fact - dummies can cause problems with speech development.

Opinion based on personal experience - some parents use them due to laziness.

You asked a question, you got answers. Not our fault you don't like the answers and are getting all defensive

I don't particularly like them, but I used them with both DSs. They're one of those things that most people would probably prefer to do without, but sometimes they're necessary.

DS1 slept very well from a few weeks old, but was an incredibly noisy sleeper. Lots of sighing and slurping noises, along with what sounded like the baby equivalent of talking in his sleep and all sorts of other annoying noises. I tried a dummy one night and there wasn't a peep out of him.

DS2 was just very sucky but wouldn't comfort suck when he wasn't actually feeding. He would be on and off constantly, getting frustrated. Again, I tried a dummy and he was happy with that.

You really need to quit calling people thick and ignorant because they don't agree with your opinion

This. And your thread title is quite incendiary.

This issue has hit a real nerve for you. Your posts are very defensive (and only getting more so). Why do you think this is?

Here's how I see it. Criticising your parenting choices to your face is not on - doesn't help anyone. As you point out, these people don't know the full picture. They are knobs - ignore them.

BUT, you can't dictate what others think (which is what you seem to be angling for). Other posters have the right to think that dummies are ugly/unnecessary. It doesn't mean they are right, but they are entitled to an opinion that's different to yours.

All you need to do is hold fast to what you believe in. You shouldn't need other people to validate your decisions. That's a sign of insecurity.

You know that a dummy is right for your baby. That's all that's important. You shouldn't need to bludgeon the rest of the world into submission to feel happy with your choice.