To think that people who claim they hate dummies are a bit thick/ignorant?

[Pyjamaramadrama]

We've gave ds2 a dummy quite early on and he took to it straight away. He generally tends to need it to get to sleep, he also has reflux and although we've got medication and position him upright etc he still gets a little uncomfortable and the dummy helps. Just for context ds1 never had a dummy and never wanted one but then later on he started sucking his thumb, this was a very difficult habit to break but he eventually just grew out of it.

I've had quite a few bad reactions to the dummy mostly quite a few people saying how they hate dummies, but with no real reason why. I had one person going on and on about how dummies are for lazy parents just to shut the baby up, and how if the babies crying they obviously need something. Well yes their dummy!

It's made me quite conscious about using the comforter.

Why the hatred? I think it's ignorance if they've never had a sucky baby.

Ds needs are always met and offered feeds and given lots of cuddles he often gets to sleep in our bed he's always close to someone he just needs the dummy.

As a former SALT I would reinforce the idea that dummies are not good for speech and language development.

Research has suggested that there may be a link between use of a dummy and recurrent ear infections in young children. Researchers aren??t sure why this happens, but suspect it may be due to a change in pressure between the middle ear and upper throat. Poor hearing restricts speech and language development.
Babies who use a dummy a lot may have problems as their teeth grow. The top teeth may protrude excessively. Overuse of a dummy can also hinder language development. If a child is sucking on a dummy then she/he is not babbling etc.

I didn't use dummies for either of my children who have completely opposite personalities. DD2 probably would have taken to a dummy but sucked on her fingers instead to get to sleep. No faffing about with sterilising. I did see the no bottles to make up and sterilise as a added bonus to breast feeding, as I was too tired for that malarkey in the night.

I didn't see the point of getting them hooked on something that they would have to give up once society judged them too old to have and all the upset that causes some children.

And I do judge when a child drops their dummy on the ground and the parent picks it up, sucks the germs off and puts it back in the child's mouth. That's quite common where I live and gives me the face.

She isn't calling people ignorant and thick for hating dummies, she is calling people ignorant and thick for sharing their opinion with her when her dc is using a dummy.

AIBU To think that people who claim they hate dummies are a bit thick/ignorant?

Alexjoy "People who hate dummys tend to not have children."

That's absolute bollocks.

I think it depends on what happens when the child tries to wean themselves off of the dummy. I've seen toddlers moving their faces away from an insistent mum or dad who's trying to get the dummy back in the kid's mouth. If they don't want it, they don't want it.

We were adamant that our DS wouldn't be given a dummy when he was a baby. Then, when he was two weeks old he was given a month to live and had to have a procedure done to save his life. The consultant at our local hospital told me to run to the Friends shop and buy two or three dummies to take with us to the main children's hospital. He said that the dummy would comfort DS whilst he was on the children's acute ward waiting for the procedure and would help him manage the discomfort afterwards.

DS used his dummies every night until he was 6 months old and would sometimes have them during the day if he couldn't settle. At five months he threw it out of his cot - it usually never left his side at night, he'd push it out of his mouth and feel for it with his mouth if he wanted it. When he threw it away we left it. Never had one after that and never seemed to miss it. I think the issue is that parents don't always feel ready to take the chance on leaving the dummy behind or are sometimes a bit quick in popping it back in.

My sister's son loved his dummy. My sister tried everything to get him weaned off. When he started at nursery she told him to leave it behind so he could play and sing. Next weekend she asked him if he wanted to say goodbye to the dummy now he knew he didn't really need it. He said he did so she tied it to a balloon and her little boy said goodbye to it. He was ready to get rid of it and she took the opportunity as soon as she could.

I don't think your thread title is doing you any favours at all OP and actually your title is not indicative of your actual issue?

You ABU (and ridiculous) to think that people who claim they hate dummies are thick/ignorant. People can hate whatever they like...

But YANBU with regard to your ACTUAL question which is yes, the people you have come across that have openly criticised your use of the dummy on your small baby are extremely rude and unkind. The early weeks we do whatever will get us through and I would have thought any parent (or adult actually) would empathise with that.

Yes, sadly you do need to also get used to being judged. I did when openly verbally attacked by a small group of middle aged women when quietly breastfeeding my tiny DS1 in the corner of a café. Luckily for me a by-product of his severe disabilities is a thick skin and a tolerance of being stared at so by the time my younger DC's came along I breastfed anywhere, used a dummy, used disposable nappies, hell DD even had a bag of wotsits in the pushchair once. I dread to think of all the cats bum faces I left in my wake! Smile and nod OP, smile and nod. Opinions are like arseholes, and all that.

Please do think about getting your thread title changed though as it is extremely inflammatory. And I do hate dummies in toddling children, and I used one until my daughter was nearly three! I don't consider myself to be "thick" particularly.

derxa- as a former SALT though would you agree dummies are better than thumb sucking? They can be restricted and removed at an early age, where thumb sucking can continue into adulthood...

Often people make the points you did about dummies. if I hadn't haven given mine a dummy she would have sucked her thumb. I chose dummy as the less likely to cause the problems you mention.

Those who say about unfettered breast access. I was feeding all the time. All. The. Time. As in I was going whole days when DH was back at work without a drink as I was on the sofa with a baby attached. A dummy meant I could put her in her cot to sleep and get a cup of tea. Plus, as above, she was starting to suck her thumb anyway, which had the same affect as a dummy.

Here, here, Twindroops.

Well I love dummies but then I'm probably the opposite of the average mumsnet mum. I am certainly no attachment parent.
Yes dummies can affect speech and teeth but so can thumb and finger sucking. If they want to suck they will suck on something. Personally I would hate to have a baby sucking on me day and night and really honestly admire women that do manage this.
Fwiw although I am aware some of my friends dislike dummies no one has ever commented to me.

Agree with some others above, its not the hating dummies that makes people ignorant, its the way they are judging you. Its not as common but I was criticised by MIL and some others for NOT giving my DD a dummy! The point is you make the choices that you feel are best for your child.

And yes you have to get used to being judged. Everyone seems to feel they can get involved with how you look after your baby! It does get slightly easier as they get older although my DM still finds lots of issues with my parenting!

I think the problem is that a lot ( not all) of women who BF and practice AP parenting etc would feel superior to people to FF, don't use slings and use dummies. I suppose I probably feel crappy that I wasn't good enough to fit into the first category. In the end although with my youngest I thought I'd give it a go it wasn't a parenting style that suited me sadly. Anyway hopefully fingers crossed my children are just fine.

I couldn't BF so no unlimited boob for me. A dummy helps DS sleep but when he spits it out he's not bothered anymore and carries on sleeping. We don't use it any other time.

Sorry op but I hate dummies, though have never shared this opinion IRL until now... for the record I'm neither thick nor ignorant for having an opinion that contradicts your own. I dislike seeing babies with dummies in their mouths - I'd much rather see their faces. I have also seen people repeatedly shove a dummy back into a baby's mouth and them repeatedly spitting it back out - in this situation it is abundantly clear that the baby doesn't want the dummy it wants something else. It also makes my teeth itch when i see parents stoop to pick a dummy off a dirty floor amd thrust back into a child's mouth or sucking it first and then giving it to the child - yuck! Used appropriately I have no problem with them but I see this kind of things happening all the time and I think that prejudices my view.

I wouldn't say I like dummies. But had any of my DCs accepted one I would probably have let them have one! They all had one to try but all just spat it out repeatedly.

It really doesn't bother me if anyone else's baby has a dummy - I've no idea why people feel the need to comment on such things. I'm not a fan of 'witty' slogans on t-shirts either but it's none of my business what other people wear!

I hate dummies, so, according to you OP, I am thick & ignorant

Nice!

And you know nothing about me either.....

I can't understand why anyone would hate dummies. By all means don't use them but to hate them? Why would you hate something that prevents sid? Can only assume it is ignorance. My twin sister died of cot death and so my twins had dummies. Definitely not because I was lazy just doing everything I could to prevent going through what my parents went through. But those of you on this thread who hate them please judge away - if it makes you feel a better parent then enjoy being smug.
People are bizarre to have such strong feelings against a bit of plastic. Yes it can affect speech if used for too long and when dc speaks leaving it in but generally people who'd do that often have other parenting issues that would affect speech too so it's not an issue when used for sleep and soothing.

I don't like them but i do think they're useful - my DD had a dummy until she was 5 months old. at the end she was just using it to get to sleep and she was pretty bored of it anyway (if you can be bored of anything when you're 5 months).

i chose to give unfettered access at this point to the breast instead

Yy to ^

I'm not sure if I'm going to get any for dc2 (due is 18 days!!!) i probably will though knowing me as it didn't do dd any harm whatsoever and they're meant to help to i don't fully understand the reasons for how stop SIDS.... I also found the noise of dd sucking comforting as i was attempting to sleep x

I'll probably take the dummy away from dc2 at around the same stage as DD.

Motherofdragons Just because some people hate dummies, doesn't mean we are judging other people... I just hate dummies!

Those that hate dummies, what are your opinions on thumb sucking?

As I said above, I find a lot of passionate dummy haters are fine with thumb sucking.

Why? The teeth/speech/can't see face arguments all apply. Personally I'd rather see a dummy than a thumb sucker....

I've done a bit of an unintentional study with my 3. Dd1 sucked nothing and will definitely need a brace. Dd2 dummy for 3 months but then sucked fingers but teeth seem okay at the moment but slight evidence of the sucking. Dd3 loved her dummy until 2.5 when dummy fairy came. She has perfect teeth. There are far more things to stress any imo.

I don't like dummies because the teats make me heave (a baby spitting out a dummy makes me shudder) I can't say I've given much thought to thumb sucking tbh. Mine didn't have dummies or suck their thumbs but I could have coped with thumb sucking I imagine purely because there was no teat.

Life is too short to care what other people think. My children have never had dummies. Certainly there can be issues with children over than the age of two having dummies, but its easier to remove a child's dummy than their thumb. Some children have a stronger sucking need than others. Ds never sucked his thumb of a dummy and now has beautiful teeth. Dd sucks her thumb when I am not looking at the age of six. We have tried horrible tasting nail varnish, but I feel uncomfortable restraining her to put it on her thumb.

Any tips for getting a resistant six year old to stop sucking her thumb?

My first ds had a dummy until he was eight months old as soon as he got teeth I got rid of them.
Ds2 had reflux and also had a dummy but after a year he only had it when he went to bed.
Ds3 refused a dummy he was and still is a thumb sucker at 9 unfortunately.
Ds4 my first ebf baby refused a dummy and does not suck his thumb.
Dd is 6 months old and ebf does not have a dummy and does not suck her thumb. When she was a week old she was in hospital for triple photo light therapy and the nurses tried to make me give her a dummy and very openly criticised me for not giving her a dummy so I think you can't win either way.
I am certainly not thick for not giving her a dummy but each baby is different and if your baby is happy with a dummy then so be it

Neither thick nor ignorant but do hate dummies. Not that keen on goady, obnoxious posters either tbh .... Live n let live, eh?

as a dentist

using a dummy to help a baby ( not a toddler) sleep is ok

what is not fine
using a dummy when running /walking around if child falls could increase the damage to front teeth

using dummy in a child over 1 in the day time when not asleep or trying to sleep as this hinders speech development and also using a dummy for this number of hours a day is likely to cause positional problems with teeth this is also true of thumb sucking

that said most orthodontic problems regarding dummies are caused by overuse and in the child older than 2.5 or 3

I advise all parents of toddlers to remove dummies around the age of 2.5-3 at the latest and to remove them all at once and go cold turkey on it, most parents report 1-2 difficult days and 3-5 difficult nights and then it is absolutely fine provided the child does not find another secret dummy you really have to get rid of them all. It is much much harder to break a thumb sucking habit

but OP's child is not a toddler but a small baby