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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people who claim they hate dummies are a bit thick/ignorant?

214 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 16/09/2015 10:26

We've gave ds2 a dummy quite early on and he took to it straight away. He generally tends to need it to get to sleep, he also has reflux and although we've got medication and position him upright etc he still gets a little uncomfortable and the dummy helps. Just for context ds1 never had a dummy and never wanted one but then later on he started sucking his thumb, this was a very difficult habit to break but he eventually just grew out of it.

I've had quite a few bad reactions to the dummy mostly quite a few people saying how they hate dummies, but with no real reason why. I had one person going on and on about how dummies are for lazy parents just to shut the baby up, and how if the babies crying they obviously need something. Well yes their dummy!

It's made me quite conscious about using the comforter.

Why the hatred? I think it's ignorance if they've never had a sucky baby.

Ds needs are always met and offered feeds and given lots of cuddles he often gets to sleep in our bed he's always close to someone he just needs the dummy.

OP posts:
HaydeeofMonteCristo · 16/09/2015 11:10

I think people are entitled to different opinions and shouldn't be dismissed as thick/ ignorant.

I didn't want dummies for my two so I haven't used them. I don't mind what anyone else does and nor should people be criticising you. They can judge in their heads if they choose, as with anything.

PrimalLass · 16/09/2015 11:10

I think we need to stop calling them dummies. That would help.

And yes, the 'I hate them' brigade does my nut in too. How could you hate something that makes a baby happy?

definiteissues · 16/09/2015 11:10

PS a dummy is 100% a choice. There are very few babies who are medically recommended to use a dummy. It is a choice, not a necessity

Fratelli · 16/09/2015 11:10

You're kind of being as bad for calling them thick etc. Dummies are each babies and parents choice.

PermetsTu · 16/09/2015 11:11

Pyjama, I've said it a few times. I acknowledged it in my first post. There is a difference between saying that you completely judge everybody and having your own personal opinion/experience. I said only that it was a choice FOR ME. That does not make me thick or ignorant. I don't like dummies for MY BABIES and chose not use them. If you re-read my first post, I acknowledged that some babies need them and they are useful and have a place but I had a choice and I chose not to use them. You are making rude and sweeping generalisations (I completely see why btw, you feel criticised and have experienced people being utter wazzocks towards you) about everybody who dislikes dummies. The opinion and the judging are different things.

littleducks · 16/09/2015 11:12

I don't like dummies and chose not to use then with any of my three. It was a choice, but like many parenting choices one that had to encompass your child's character and POV too.

I also don't like people who offer unsolicited parenting advice.

On occasion I have to give professional opinions on dummy use and it's affect on speech. I don't include my personal opinions in this advice at all.

PrimalLass · 16/09/2015 11:12

I do think that is lazy parenting. No need for a child of that age to have a dummy.

My DS had extreme separation anxiety - I couldn't leave the house (or even a room sometimes) without him going ballistic. So, sometimes there is a need for whatever soothes an upset child.

RachelZoe · 16/09/2015 11:12

You sound a bit preoccupied with this dummy thing. Very odd.

Of course a dummy is a choice, no baby "needs" a dummy, they won't explode without one, don't be so ridiculous Hmm, even without unlimited boob, they still won't explode.

I don't know who in your life has been making you feel so insecure about you using a dummy for your baby, but you need to let it go and just raise your kids, not obsess over dummy use.

MissEeerie · 16/09/2015 11:13

Before I had my DD I used to think dummies were just lazy parenting. Took me about 3 days after she was born to give her a dummy! I'm pregnant with my second and stocking up on them!

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 16/09/2015 11:14

Compensate for what? I couldn't give a monkeys what other parents do in terms of choosing not to use a dummy for their own baby, whether because they didn't need one or because there were better alternatives.

I'm talking about people directly criticising me for giving my baby something that soothes him and works well.

I think it's very ignorant.

OP posts:
ArendelleQueen · 16/09/2015 11:14

YABU. I don't like the look of dummies but I understand why some babies find them soothing. That doesn't make me thick or ignorant. I think that statement says more about you than "dummy dislikers".

frazmum · 16/09/2015 11:18

2 of mine had dummies, the other 2 sucked on their fingers. It was much easier to stop using the dummy than them getting them to stop sucking on their fingers. All kids are different and even within a family they often need different parenting.

FreckledLeopard · 16/09/2015 11:18

I suppose I dislike dummies because I do believe in giving children unfettered access to the breast - a dummy is effectively a breast substitute. DD never slept unless she was latched on. For me, it was a case of accepting this and co-sleeping, rather than offering a dummy.

Having said that, now that DD is fourteen, I can't imagine (if I had more children) that I would be quite as attachment-parent-y as I used to be. I think I've become much more blasé about parenting choices.

I think, too, it depends on how a dummy is used. If it's constantly stuck in a child's mouth, with the parents making no effort to figure out why the child is upset, then that to me is lazy parenting. If, though, a child needs it to sleep and doesn't use it at other times, then fair enough.

Itsmine · 16/09/2015 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RachelZoe · 16/09/2015 11:19

Some people like things and some people don't. If people are being dicks to you then they're the issue, the dummy thing is a red herring.

Maybe it isn't ignorant, maybe it's their opinion, maybe they know a child who got over attached and who's parents couldn't end the comfort cycle so ended up with bad teeth/bad speech? Maybe they don't like the look? Lot's of reasons, not all of them thick or ignorant.

Ignorance is being blinded to any other view but your own. You saying "yes dummies are great 100% no questions asked, no comebacks, they are perfect and anyone who questions this is thick and ignorant" and judging others for doing the opposite is "ignorance".

tictactoad · 16/09/2015 11:20

All of mine had dummies from birth.

They saved my sanity and anyone who criticised would have been welcome to come and look after them themselves.

PrimalLass · 16/09/2015 11:21

I suppose I dislike dummies because I do believe in giving children unfettered access to the breast

DS, my dummy-loving child, fed in 5 minutes then spat out my nipple and wouldn't go back on.

DD, dummy refuser, would feed for 45 minutes at a time.

Again, you can't generalise.

Heathcliff27 · 16/09/2015 11:28

I was very judgy when pregnant with my first child. He would never have a dummy, I was going to breastfeed and was going to use cloth nappies.

I was 21, had never held a child before but was going to be the perfect mother.

In the end i wasnt able to breastfeed and by day 4 he was in disposable nappies with a dummy in his mouth. With the next 2 babies I had the dummies ready before they were even born. One used it the other didn't.

Their speech and development and teeth were never affected and of course there must be plenty other ways to sooth a baby but unfortunately with a 4 day old baby constantly crying due to reflux, feeding issues and bowel problems giving him a dummy was the best option for me and I really wasn't concerned by that time about anyones opinion.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 16/09/2015 11:31

Of course a dummy/comforter/soother, whatever you want to call it is a boob substitute, it's a dummy nipple.

It's wonderful if you have a baby who is content after a feed or just needs rocking or cuddling or a walk in the pram. It's wonderful if you're willing and able to pop your baby onto the boob at any given time. A baby won't explode without a dummy, I mean they wouldn't explode without a cuddle or a nappy change, but babies have need and for some babies, suckling is a need.

Some people have taken my post the wrong way, I'm not calling anyone thick for not using a dummy. I'm calling people thick for directly pulling faces at my baby having one, and suggesting it's laziness or that I'm not meeting my babies needs. I don't want to have to justify my reasons or explain that ds has unlimited cuddles, that I use a sling, that I co sleep that he's always well fed, clean, warm and stimulated but he still needs his dummy.

OP posts:
PurpleSkyatthewateringhole · 16/09/2015 11:31

I detest dummies because I've seen parents forcibly holding them in babies mouths until they start sucking them and stop crying. I know a 5 year old in speech therapy who can't talk but always has a dummy in her mouth outside of school. As a toddler she only ever took the dummy out to eat.

My two DC never had a dummy. Dd cried for 5 months with colic, I took to wearing a sling as I had 2 under 2yrs. They both suck their thumbs still but only when tired now.

Whereyourtreasureis · 16/09/2015 11:32

I don't like dummies, so my 3 DCs never had one. Couldn't care less if other Mothers use them. Their child, their choice.

However, I'm of the opinion that once a child can clearly articulate that they want their dummy, they are too old to have one.

guineapigpie · 16/09/2015 11:32

No, I don't think they are thick or ignorant, I think they are opinionated. It is a bit hypocritical to accuse others of "hatred" when your reaction appears to be just as hateful, OP. Dummies can cause problems, but they can also be extremely useful. The problems your baby's dummy are solving are at the moment far greater than the problems caused by using a dummy. At some point, the balance will shift and you will want to persuade your baby/toddler/young child to stop using the dummy. When that time comes is for you to divine.

definiteissues · 16/09/2015 11:33

So, if someone is being lazy nobody is allowed to say so because you, special little snowflake that you are, get the hump?

Truth is, whilst a lot of people use them correctly, some people ARE lazy and some people DO use them for no reason other than they know it shuts their child up no matter the reason and it prevents them having to do anything else while they are doing their own thing.

I have no issue with people using them (even though personally I did not) but I do have issues with people with a bad attitude criticising those who choose not to!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/09/2015 11:33

I dislike dummies. I understand why some people use them though. I'm neither thick nor ignorant. Nasty title.

Hellocampers · 16/09/2015 11:33

I am amazed anyone either gives a fuck how anyone else parents,unless it's abusive,or care what the fuck anyone else thinks of their parenting.

Really why? If anyone criticised you
Op just tell them to fuck off.

Works for me.