Re: this letter I've had?

[carelesswhisper1987]

Posted here for traffic to understand 1. If I'm being unreasonable and 2. Suggestions going forward.

Been with partner 2.5 years, lived together for past 5 months. Always been a bit of friction with his mother in terms of her having sly digs - saying she's surprised I don't smoke, asking if my friends are chavvy , telling me how unfit I am (which admittedly I am) and just generally giving her unwanted opinion constantly... Don't think she likes me or approves.

I relocated to move in with partner, gave up flat, job, friends etc and now live in a city 80 miles from home. Very few people know my current address that also live in the same city - other than my partner, his parents and managers / HR at my new job.

I have received this letter through the post today (obviously cropped off my details). It had my full name and address on and is basically just a link to two weight loss sites. Letter also postmarked with county we live in - as do his parents. My friends and family live in another county...

I must confess my immediate thought was partners mother!

He is adamant it's junk mail... Has anyone ever come across anything remotely like this or have any suggestions? Doesn't look like junk mail to me.

Trying not to drip feed but there are so many stories about this woman I could tell you. All my friends have immediately said they think it is partner's mother that has sent it. I can't see who else (in the very small pool of people that know address and live in our county) would be so malicious!
Advice mum

[SheepishWoolf]

Dear Careless I would have said up until this point that unfortunately this 'poison pen' approach doesn't seem to fit with your MIL's MO. Up until now she has called you chavvy and overweight to your face. She has sent you "advice" via real people that you both know. I think she's been getting her kicks from personally seeing or very quickly learning of your reaction. This sets up a situation in which a rational person would honestly doubt she is behind this.

As for your OH I think he suffers from "being male". In other words, if he can't imagine why he would do something, he literally can't imagine anyone else doing it either. His experience of unwanted printed matter coming through the door is firmly filed in his mind under "junk mail" therefore that's his first thought. Because he loves you, and you suspect his DM, he has actually asked her. She has said no.

I would therefore have been in doubt until this text follow up. She's just stepped it up a level. Can you text back "oh no, just some random nonsense, nothing to upset me - but OH wanted to follow it up as he was concerned I was upset! Isn't he sweet, he really loves me, and I can't help loving him back!" And then wait for your phone to melt with all the green acid that throws up from her

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Totally send that text! Your MIL is batshit, at least you know now so you can be on your guard with her. Do not engage the idiot if you can help it!

[eatyouwithaspoon]

It looks like 2 different companies and it looks likee a home computer print off so looks like someone just sent it. Ring tomorrow and ask if they do joint advertising.

[Baconyum]

^^ this

[Shakey15000]

I would so send exLtEve's text.

[Baconyum]

Mine was to the text too.

[BYOSnowman]

Would tweak or to

Yes it was really malicious. Have been advised to speak to police. Thanks for asking.

Then it means she might panic and admit it to stop you going to the police

[wowfudge]

First of all - what the hell is wrong with the OP having moved to be with her partner? Nothing. She has a job and is making a new life. Good on you.

Secondly all those who were busy slagging the OP's DP off - he clearly thought it could be his mother or he wouldn't have contacted her and he didn't just dismiss it and do nothing. I think his initial reaction was typical of a lot of men and he quite likely didn't want you to be upset.

It does sound as though it is your MIL. The best response is not to react at all - saying you've involved the police is daft and making more of this than there needs to be. I would just brush it off. Given that she's been so awful I just wouldn't engage with her other than to be terribly nice and thank her for her concern. If someone's a bitch being nice to them can be disarming.

Whatever you do OP, do not ask at work. That would be a seriously bad move. If there is anything further then I would think about going to the police.

[Jux]

Either send SheepishWolf's text, or do what Procrastinator said. Depends on how you want to play after, assuming she steps up her game.

[summerconfusion]

Sheepishwolf's text is so on the money! She is clearly trying to goad you into a reaction. 'Random nonsense' will wind her up no end, I suspect. I read the whole thread thinking it was probably her but when I got to the bit about her texting you it confirmed it for me. For someone who doesn't like you and is nasty to your face it's a bit strange for her to be so nice and concerned over a bit of 'junk mail' you received. Even a nice MIL would probably not think to ask after you unless you mentioned it to her again IYSWIM

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

OP, are you overweight?

I'm wondering if it could be a clumsy attempt, from someone who cares about you, to be helpful?

I'd be very wary about assuming it is the MIL - if it isn't, think of the consequences if you act...

[lorelei9]

Or just say, don't worry, it's being dealt with by some heavies I used to hang with

[carelesswhisper1987]

Thanks everyone. I responded with a similar message before seeing the suggestion...

'Yes thanks... Think it was just somebody silly playing a prank! Thanks for asking though :)'

Still haven't read all messages. My head is banging I've been thinking about it non stop. I'm annoyed at myself for letting it get to me this much!

[HelenaDove]

OP is a size 14 Same size as me And im down from a size 28 so i certainly wouldnt appreciate that kind of "help"


Funny how that kind of faux concern is ok if someone is overweight but not on most other health matters.

[fastdaytears]

I'm a 14 (at least ) and I'd be pretty upset to receive that letter. I certainly wouldn't think it was justified concern.

Helena 28 to a 14? You're amazing.

[hebihebi]

Definitely keep the letter and envelope somewhere safe "just in case".

The reason I am concerned about the OP's DP is because his mind also went straight to his mother. If it really isn't the sort of thing she would do then why did he suspect her in the first place? And rather than accepting that his mother was involved he had a row with the OP about it. These aren't the actions of a supportive partner. These are the actions of someone who is trying to deflect from the situation. Someone who would rather bullshit and gaslight the OP than face the truth. This is very worrying. I don't believe for a second that he thinks it's junk mail. He knows his mother sent it (hence the follow up text) but he's not going to admit that. It's not a healthy situation.

I really hope that his mother will back off from you OP. You don't have to accept her rudeness or spitefulness.

[HelenaDove]

Thanks fastday.


hebihebi Excellent point about how his mind went straight to his mother. Whoever did this went to all the trouble of putting it together....printing it off etc. Its quite sinister.

[AbbyCadabra]

I would have said 'No, of course it didn't upset me. In fact I think it's hilarious that someone would be so spineless and pathetic to send an anonymous letter! You'd think people would have better things to do with their time. Can you imagine how utterly sad they would have to be to do that?!'
Guilty or not, she could only agree with you.

[SmallLegsOrSmallEggs]

Yup what Abby said.

But really just ignore. It is pathetic. It isn't maliciois enough for the police to care as it is not threatening.

You alrwady don't like MIL so its not like you have been betrayed by a friend.

Ignore it. Ignore her. Get on with being fabulous.

[nauticant]

I thought the OP's response was just right. Short, breezy, and included a small non-obvious dig.

Resist retaliation OP, especially since you can't be sure your DP's mother is behind it. Do keep the letter (and envelope if you still have it) and keep an eye open for anything similar.

Next time she says something nasty, you will have to put your DP on the spot to find out whether he considers it to be an acceptable comment and whether he'll support you.

[carelesswhisper1987]

Just as an update to anyone who was reading this...

MIL has gone away this week visiting relatives. My partner borrowed her laptop for us to book our own trip for next week as currently ours is out of action...

I couldn't help myself. I checked her laptop....no evidence of the letter...!

However.... A quick search of her browsing history shows she went to both sites within a couple of days of each other back in July.

It is definitely her. I have my proof...

[NotEmptyNow]

Wow. She's officially batshit. Oh I'd love to think of a way you could let her know you know!

[Tiptops]

Ooh well done careless

Crafty, I like it! Have you told DP?

[Griphook]

Have you look every where? Even deleted docs, you could Save it as her desktop background.