Re: this letter I've had?

[carelesswhisper1987]

Posted here for traffic to understand 1. If I'm being unreasonable and 2. Suggestions going forward.

Been with partner 2.5 years, lived together for past 5 months. Always been a bit of friction with his mother in terms of her having sly digs - saying she's surprised I don't smoke, asking if my friends are chavvy , telling me how unfit I am (which admittedly I am) and just generally giving her unwanted opinion constantly... Don't think she likes me or approves.

I relocated to move in with partner, gave up flat, job, friends etc and now live in a city 80 miles from home. Very few people know my current address that also live in the same city - other than my partner, his parents and managers / HR at my new job.

I have received this letter through the post today (obviously cropped off my details). It had my full name and address on and is basically just a link to two weight loss sites. Letter also postmarked with county we live in - as do his parents. My friends and family live in another county...

I must confess my immediate thought was partners mother!

He is adamant it's junk mail... Has anyone ever come across anything remotely like this or have any suggestions? Doesn't look like junk mail to me.

Trying not to drip feed but there are so many stories about this woman I could tell you. All my friends have immediately said they think it is partner's mother that has sent it. I can't see who else (in the very small pool of people that know address and live in our county) would be so malicious!
Advice mum

[Tiptops]

YANBU to assume it's his mother.

YABU to uproot your whole life for a man like this, he's shown when the chips are down he will look after his own, not you.

[JeffreySadsacIsUnwell]

I'd be ordering details of funeral plans to be sent to her, see if she says anything then

[carelesswhisper1987]

In answer to questions...

At times I feel isolated but I am starting to make friends at work and have been going out more. I honestly mentioned it to highlight how few people in the area would know my address

Partners mum isn't an exercise addict but is very slim and petite. I am overweight by around a stone and a half and am currently a size 14-16. I am quite self conscious about this but have never mentioned it to his mum. However their family are generally all slim and partner is very sporty.

Letter is exactly as the photo shows - only thing I have cropped are my name and address. This is what I tried to explain to dp. It looks nothing like regular junk mail, there's no sales pitch, just those two places.

The envelope has a normal second class stamp - name and address again typed and then stuck on the envelope, on normal paper and looks like been glued down with prit stick maybe?

Postmark is showing as North and West Yorkshire - which is where we live. I'm not sure if that's where the letter is sent or received, I thought it was sent which is why I presumed someone from the area.

Re: him phoning them... I didn't say I would call as to me it looks like the companies aren't involved in the slightest. DP thinks otherwise!

Thanks all for replies, DP so insistent it's junk mail I started to seriously consider if I was just being paranoid!

[PoppyBlossom]

Could it have been him?

[HelenaDove]

The only time most diet clubs send out junk mail is usually after Christmas. Its the wrong time of year.

[PerspicaciaTick]

It sounds like a new variation on a poison pen letter. I'd be disturbed and upset to get a letter like this. I hope your are OK OP

[Charlesroi]

I'm with PoppyBlossom and it could have been OH (or he knows for a fact it's his bloody cow of a mother).

I wouldn't accuse her (but would be avoiding her like the plague) and I'd be calling them myself to ask to be 'removed from their database'. Or telling OH that's what I am going to do, anyway.

Don't ignore your old friends and home links - make sure you keep in touch.

[TheHouseOnTheLane]

I would be evil and say to MIL "I've had to get the police involved over a possible poison pen letter....I've had some in the past you see and I was told if I had anything else suspicious to let them know and they'd instigate an investigation."

And watch her face. That will tell you.

[Champagneformyrealfriends]

Seems odd that the place advertised is in Oxfordshire-hardly handy for us Yorkshire folk! And posted in your area too?! That's very strange-I'd be suspiscious too. YANBU imo.

[Baconyum]

TheHouseOnTheLane is spot on. I don't think it's evil either and I'd do it in front of your 'd' p. Why have you given up so much for one person? Has he made any concessions to your being together?

[hebihebi]

The OP really doesn't need proof though, does she? It obviously isn't junk mail and seems pretty obvious to the OP who sent it. This seems to be part of ongoing issues with her partner's mother. Why are you doubting yourself when you know the truth?

But I am also concerned about her situation. Why isn't your partner being more supportive? Why is he trying to bullshit you?

I know you didn't post about your partner and your home situation but for me there are huge red flags there.

You can't change your partner's mother, you can't change your partner, so what are you going to do about it all, OP?

[AbbyCadabra]

It's odd that it just has the name and number. Most advertising junk mail actually tries to sell you the service/product with more information than that.

[Rainbunny]

I think posters are being a bit harsh on OP's partner. It is very suspicious but there is no reason based on what the OP has stated to think that he sent it himself and while the mil is the obvious suspect I'm not very surprised that OP's partner can't believe/doesn't want to believe his mum would do such a thing. It's not that unusual to have good opinion of your parent and he's not in control of her. With just a letter to go on it's going to be almost impossible to prove it was her. Is he supposed to have a go at his mum even though there's no proof it was her? Given that she's made statements about OP's weight he should ask her about the letter but what's he supposed to do when she denies it (which she will because she either didn't send it or if she did she's never going to admit it).

Honestly I'd call the numbers myself out of curiosity, are these companies even real? One last thing, OP are you absolutely sure that no colleague has your address, is there anyone at your job that might do a bitchy thing like this? I can imagine a workplace bullying type might do something nasty and underhand like this.

[amarmai]

he thinks it's his mum too . That's why he denied it and rowed with you and that's why he says he'll phone and check, to head you off at the pass. so she's nasty and he defends her and attacks you. I'd be asking myself why i am in this relationship.

[Jenny70]

Junk mail tries to sell you their product, not a whole list of various weight loss options.

Junk mail does not "post" their products to you, they stick it in every letterbox in the street to try and get as many people as possible. It costs money to send things through the mail, with possibly most people chucking it - so not cost effective advertising.

As you've recently relocated, presumably the lease/Council tax doesn't even have your name on it (or it would be joint lease), so how did "junk mail" access your details to include them? Why would they send it to just you, not partner as well - or "to the householder"?

All points to - NOT JUNK MAIL.

Who sent it? Postmark is done where it is sent, so someone local. Work collegues "may" know your address, but unless there has been a discussion about weight loss/upset at work, it would be doubtful someone at work would be motivated to do this. Is MIL motivated to do this, possibly, but if so don't even give her the satisfaction of mentioning it. Chuck it out like it IS junk mail, and move on. If she is a horrible piece of work, let her waste her energy on it, but don't waste yours.

[OhFuckWhatHaveIDone]

If your DP is seriously acting as if he believes that is junk mail he's either a) gaslighting you or b) unbelievably fucking dense. I wouldn't want to be with either...

[FishWithABicycle]

That is an anonymous poison pen letter calculated to make you feel bad about yourself.

Size 14-16 isn't fat. You may be more curvy than a fitness freak - that's fine and part of the normal spectrum of humanity.

If you get a similar envelope again take it to a police station unopened and ask them to dust its contents for fingerprints. Probably won't catch the sender (unless your dmil has a criminal record) but demonstrates that you won't be intimidated by this.

Your dh is either a knob or extremely stupid to be insisting it is junk mail. It is very obviously no such thing. He may be in on it or willfully blind to how deliberately hurtful it is.

[LittleRedRidingHoodie1]

She sent it and he is gaslighting you.

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

No way is it junk mail.

Firstly a company doesn't promote another company in its own junk mail.

Secondly junk mail will be professionally printed, glossy coloured paper with images on, etc. not just a folded bit of a4 paper with some typing.

Thirdly junk mail would promote the company....give details of what they do, plans, prices, offers, tell you how x % of people have had success, etc

It's the mil, she's a bitch and I would call her out on it. Or start sending her similar stuff back but with links on CBT therapy, naraccisstic personality disorder, how to be a nicer person.com, etc.

[RebootYourEngine]

I think the OPs partner is getting an unneccessary hard time.

I wouldnt like to think that my mother could be so nasty to my partner so maybe hes the same. Maybe hes in denial.

[Hissy]

The price of a second class stamp is WAY more than it would cost to produce that letter professionally. I work for a business that uses business mail, we get a discount on postage, but the really big companies would get even bigger discounts. This is not official.

Someone posted this to you. In your local area.

Suggest you send back a link for dementia care, or incontinence knickers...

Just kidding.

Your h is in denial. Try to stay calm, hopefully she'll do more and he'll get there in the end.

[Hissy]

The idea that your parent could do this kind of thing is TERRIFYING. We're talking seismic catastrophe here. Not one of us would ever want to believe our parent is capable of this level of vile hatred. The level of hurt you feel when you realise your parent is as wicked as this is one of the most truly awful hurts there is. Trust me.

[StillRaving]

Wow. Just to be clear company post would be franked, not have a stamp on.
Mil sounds unhinged.