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AIBU?

Re: this letter I've had?

210 replies

carelesswhisper1987 · 15/09/2015 23:20

Posted here for traffic to understand 1. If I'm being unreasonable and 2. Suggestions going forward.

Been with partner 2.5 years, lived together for past 5 months. Always been a bit of friction with his mother in terms of her having sly digs - saying she's surprised I don't smoke, asking if my friends are chavvy , telling me how unfit I am (which admittedly I am) and just generally giving her unwanted opinion constantly... Don't think she likes me or approves.

I relocated to move in with partner, gave up flat, job, friends etc and now live in a city 80 miles from home. Very few people know my current address that also live in the same city - other than my partner, his parents and managers / HR at my new job.

I have received this letter through the post today (obviously cropped off my details). It had my full name and address on and is basically just a link to two weight loss sites. Letter also postmarked with county we live in - as do his parents. My friends and family live in another county...

I must confess my immediate thought was partners mother!

He is adamant it's junk mail... Has anyone ever come across anything remotely like this or have any suggestions? Doesn't look like junk mail to me.

Trying not to drip feed but there are so many stories about this woman I could tell you. All my friends have immediately said they think it is partner's mother that has sent it. I can't see who else (in the very small pool of people that know address and live in our county) would be so malicious!
Advice mum

Re: this letter I've had?

OP posts:

Report

Stormtreader · 16/09/2015 13:27

Mention to her that the police are considering investigating, and that they've said they have new software now that can take a printed letter and show the address it was printed at and the details of the computer that sent the item to the printer. Watch her face fall.

SecondMrsAshwell · 16/09/2015 13:38

Play her at her own game. start sending her menus for take-aways, recipe books, etc because you are concerned that she's underweight.

Gruntfuttock · 16/09/2015 13:43

Scremersford what would be the point of that when the MIL has already denied sending it?

JeffreysMummyIsCross · 16/09/2015 13:51

How does your partner account for this "junk mail" having a Yorkshire postmark, when the company itself is in Chipping Norton?

Scremersford · 16/09/2015 13:57

To put her on the spot Gruntfuttock, to challenge her, to show her she won't get away with things. I certainly wouldn't let my partner's mother get away with sending me something like that (if indeed she did).

NiNoKuni · 16/09/2015 14:08

I would totally be signing her up for all the spam, emails, junk mail, everything I could find. It wouldn't solve anything but it would definitely make me feel better!

JeffreysMummyIsCross · 16/09/2015 14:10

Also:

saying she's surprised I don't smoke, asking if my friends are chavvy , telling me how unfit I am (which admittedly I am) and just generally giving her unwanted opinion constantly...

Please tell me you do not let this kind of shit go unchallenged? Is your partner also oblivious to these digs?

I would innocently mention the letter to her, say that you have spoken to Weller Associates and that they are extremely concerned that their company name is being used and jeopardised in this way. They have called in the police, who have now taken the letter away as part of their investigation.

And then sign her up for viagra marketing and visits from the Jehovah's Witnesses

BarbarianMum · 16/09/2015 14:41

Scremersford, honestly "challenging" people like this just gives them satisfaction and adds fuel to their engine. Ignoring them totally and disengaging takes away their power.

AllChangeLife · 16/09/2015 17:04

I probably wouldn't let this rest.

Partly because later down the line you are setting yourself up for a whole lot of family issues if it is her. She sounds like she has form for being a bitch, so I would totally not be surprised if it were her.

Maybe you need to ask her direct if it was her, because if it wasn't you'll be taking it to the police who have said they will dust for fingerprints as it is considered harassment. Or get your OH to say the same.

HelenaDove · 16/09/2015 17:15

OP thats not junk mail This is an example of junk mail. One Christmas a few years back Weight Watchers did a huge promotion. Leaflets started hitting doormats all over the country. Ppl were recieving them on Boxing Day and the day after. To jog peoples memories it was when WW were using Patsy Kensit as their poster girl. There were threads on here complaining at the time. After all Xmas hadnt even bloody finished yet. Some of them may have been in Chat so have gone but there might still be something floating around in AIBU somewhere.

And its highly likely if a company is promoting something that they will use a celeb to do so these days as WW did with this.

RebootYourEngine · 16/09/2015 17:36

I would let this one go but anymore and id be contacting the police,.

murasaki · 16/09/2015 17:45

The police totally would dust for fingerprints. A friend of mine had two horrid ones (and while it helps that she too is a copper), they took them and dusted for prints.

NO one on record, as to be fair we expected, as we had a good idea who, but teh conversations about the process meant they stopped.

Get it mentioned in MIL' s hearing

fastdaytears · 16/09/2015 17:59

I got a whole series of letters just saying "everyone hates you you should just die" over and over again (literally cut and pasted) when I was about 12 and was talked out of going to the police/school as better to let it go and I still regret not doing anything, and that was some years ago! It did get to me at the time and I really struggled trusting my friends.

reni2 · 16/09/2015 18:21

AllChange has it. She WILL admit to it if you say if it wasn't her or DP you are taking it to the police to be investigated and dusted for fingerprints.

Baconyum · 16/09/2015 18:39

I'm with allchange too. Still don't understand why you're willing to tolerate your partners handling (or not) of this and everything else she's done.

BitOfFun · 16/09/2015 20:06

I rather like the idea of having the letter somewhere in view in a ziplock bag next time she visits. Perhaps next to an open envelope addressed to Acme Forensics. Let her finish her cup of tea, ostentiously pick it up using a napkin and then pretend to take prints off it with strips of sellotape, stick them onto a clean sheet of paper and put it in the envelope along with the ziplock bag. Enjoy her bemused expression while you airily explain "Just eliminating possibilities for my enquiries, MIL- it's amazing the services available on the internet nowadays! Fresh tea?"

Fight madness with madness, I say

Realistically, I'd just ignore the daft bat.

redshoeblueshoe · 16/09/2015 20:24

BitOfFun - brilliant your name suits you perfectly

damselinthisdress · 16/09/2015 20:31

Realistically, I'd just ignore the daft bat.

No! Definitely go with BitOfFun's initial bit of fun! I love that

FatimaLovesBread · 16/09/2015 20:44

Not sure why the OP's DP got given such a hammering at the start of the thread. They'd been together two years before OP moved, presumaby it was a joint decision after much discussion.

Scremersford The OP has a job, it says so in her opening post

carelesswhisper1987 · 16/09/2015 20:45

Sorry just got in from work so not had chance to read all replies yet...

There is an update. She has texted me saying 'DP told me you had some mail you were upset about? are you ok?' Surely surely SURELY she would not be this brazen. I'm being swayed towards random neighbour now!

OP posts:

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 16/09/2015 20:58

She's trying to confuse. Just say you're planning to report it as malicious and you're going to leave it with the police. Then cut off all talk about it.

WhoTheFIsJeff · 16/09/2015 21:00

She's panicking. She knows you're on to her so is trying to deflect.

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FarFromAnyRoad · 16/09/2015 21:03

She's pushing to see what you're going to do. I absolutely think you should go with the Police line.
I am not surprised she contacted you - you know what they say about the arsonist never being far from the fire!

reni2 · 16/09/2015 21:10

Well, now she's made clear it was not her, oh no, you surely need to go to the police, because it is not some sort of family affair but an outsider harassing you. See what the reaction to this is all round. Tell the neighbours too for good measure and see who starts flapping, neighbour, Mil or dp...

exLtEveDallas · 16/09/2015 21:15

Text back "Oh no, I'm fine MIL. The police are dealing with it now, so I'm not going to worry about it. Thanks for caring though xx"

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