Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shit, I text my Mums lover.

639 replies

HappyBeet86 · 12/09/2015 08:53

Alright I know I'm am unreasonable but I need to get this out somewhere.

Bit of background, my parents are both getting on a bit. My Dads health isn't fantastic.

Lately my Mum has been having lots of 'errands' to run at short notice, she makes plans (like meeting up with me and dd in swimming) and texts at the last minute to say something's come up. I only mention it because it has been very noticeable. My Dad confided in me that he is worried about her, she used to be relaxed and happy. She is always stressed and angry lately.

To be completely honest I was starting to worry that she might be getting early signs of dementia.

I am at their house this morning with dd. I had to go upstairs to take some washing up and mums phone started buzzing. I picked it up to carry downstairs with me and saw the first line of a text.

'Wife's gone I'm free sexy'

My stomach dropped out of my feet. And I know I shouldn't have...but I did. I looked through her phone.

She's been having an affair with a married man. The texts were...gross. Most of them were him saying he was home now so not to call.

And I didn't even think, I was so angry. I text him from mums phone.

'You dirty fuck. You have a wife right? I've stored your number. How about if you don't stop contact immediately I call you every day, day and night? Do you think your wife will start to notice?'

Awww shit I know, I know! Should not have done that. If it's some small defence I'm 7 weeks pregnant and a bag of raging hormones.

This is hard to describe but my mums always beat me other the head with morals. She's sort of acted holier than thou for fifty years, she's not shy about coming down on me or anyone else for questionable moral behaviour and I've always looked up to her.

I was so angry at him for changing my mums personality. Or is thus who she is really?

I'm an adult. It isn't any of my business. I know I fucked up.I can't tell anyone else. What do I do now?

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 12/09/2015 08:55

Well you're mum will find out soon enough. I think you should tell her that you know.
Yanbu.
Sorry

Original poster
HappyBeet86 · 12/09/2015 08:56

I'm sat in a room with Mum, Dad and dd.

I don't know where to look.

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 12/09/2015 08:57

YOUR *

LittleRedRidingHoodie1 · 12/09/2015 08:57

You need to talk to your mum straight away and tell her what you've done. I don't know what to suggest with regards to your dad though- I'm sure someone else will be along with something more helpful.

Vixxfacee · 12/09/2015 08:58

Can you ask to speak to your mum in the garden?

CantAffordtoLive · 12/09/2015 08:58

Oh you poor thing, you must be really shocked. Bad enough to find out something like this about someone you know but when it's your family!

You will have to tell her I guess then I think I'd be heading home pretty smartish. Where is your Dad this morning? Is he likely to be witness to the fallout?

Chillyegg · 12/09/2015 08:59

You should tell your mum you know, she'll find out eventually

HellKitty · 12/09/2015 09:01

I'm thinking, good for you!
Can you have a quiet word with her when your dad is asleep? It could be a relief for her as it's been stressing her out.

msrisotto · 12/09/2015 09:01

Shit dude, i'm so sorry. I don't blame you for texting him. I wouldn't know what to do but i'd be really angry too.

Original poster
HappyBeet86 · 12/09/2015 09:01

It just feels like it would be very noticeable right now.

Part of me want to tell my Dad, it feels almost disloyal keeping it from him.

On the other, more practical, hand...Dad is 63. He's in poor health (bowel disease) and is devoted to Mum. I think of the devastation it would cause him. And that makes me want to carry this to the grave.

Fuck.

OP posts:
Chillyegg · 12/09/2015 09:01

Sorry posted too soon I feel for you it must be a massive shock! Your poor dad. Yy to dropping the bomb that you know then leaving very quickly.

LittleBearPad · 12/09/2015 09:04

You need to tell your mum what you've done. She'll find out later today anyway when she next picks up her phone (unless you deleted the conversation.

Maybe your dad doesn't need to find out.

Original poster
HappyBeet86 · 12/09/2015 09:04

Dad would definitely notice. I think I may have to wait until my hearts stopped beating so fast before I try to get mum to one side.

You are all right, I need to tell her I know.

I've stopped here last night and today because Dp is at work.

We are all going on a coach trip holiday to the Isle of Wight on September 21st!

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 12/09/2015 09:05

Tell your mum, now. But don't fall into the trap of believing this guy changed your mum's personality. People who are overly vociferous about an issue in other people can be trying to make up for thoughts / desires in themselves (eg the secretly gay man who makes fun of "fags"). Either way, it takes two to tango.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/09/2015 09:05

A shock, yes... You know you shouldn't have sent this text!

You probably don't know the history and intimacies of you parents' relationship..
For all you know they may have an open marriage/be swingers/or an ask no questions relationship...

You must tell your mum what you've done...she will find out soon anyway.
Say you know you should not have reacted, and sent that text! Her behaviour is for her to patrol....

Good luck!

Original poster
HappyBeet86 · 12/09/2015 09:06

I did delete the messages.

I realised what I'd done as soon as I hit send and panicked.

OP posts:
MiddleAgedandConfused · 12/09/2015 09:06

Good for you - sometimes the immediate heart-felt response is the most honest one.

But I guess there will be some sort of come back from your mum. I would tell her that you have just used the phone to send someone a text and she should probably check it.
The real dilemma now is do you tell your dad?

MiddleAgedandConfused · 12/09/2015 09:06

Sorry - cross post

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/09/2015 09:08

PS this man hasn't 'changed your mum's personality', this is an aspect that was unknown to you...

WicksEnd · 12/09/2015 09:08

She'll find out soon enough, so you'd better get her on one side but to be honest if she has the first line of her texts showing I'm surprised your dad hasn't found out already. He might know and be turning a blind eye.

That's very early for a bootie call! It's not even 9am!

AutumnAttic · 12/09/2015 09:09

There's possibly a lot about this situation that you don't know. Your dad may already be aware, for example.

catfordbetty · 12/09/2015 09:09

Speak to your mum - it's her job to tell your dad. Then, quite unfairly, it's your job to pick up the pieces. Good luck.

Original poster
HappyBeet86 · 12/09/2015 09:10

Grin Slight boak at thought of parents being swingers! But that did distract me from the crisis at hand, ha thank you!

I'm fairly sure they aren't, though I suppose it would be impossible to be sure.

But I am fairly convinced Dad wouldn't be. His first wife (my half brother and sister's mum) cheated on him. I didn't find out about this until I was much older, from my brother. I'm assuming that's why they got divorced, I never asked Dad about it.

OP posts:
QOD · 12/09/2015 09:10

Oh wow what a shock.

Your loyalty is to your mum and dad as a couple for sure but, they are also individuals
gosh so hard

BeeRayKay · 12/09/2015 09:10

Its horrendous when you find out one of your parents is doing this to the other parent.

And you act irrationally, they've betrayed everything you thought you knew. And it's a shock.

Don't beat yourself up too much. But you need to address this with your mum.

Speaking from first hand knowledge, keeping this secret without telling any one will destroy you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread