Shit, I text my Mums lover.

[HappyBeet86]

Alright I know I'm am unreasonable but I need to get this out somewhere.

Bit of background, my parents are both getting on a bit. My Dads health isn't fantastic.

Lately my Mum has been having lots of 'errands' to run at short notice, she makes plans (like meeting up with me and dd in swimming) and texts at the last minute to say something's come up. I only mention it because it has been very noticeable. My Dad confided in me that he is worried about her, she used to be relaxed and happy. She is always stressed and angry lately.

To be completely honest I was starting to worry that she might be getting early signs of dementia.

I am at their house this morning with dd. I had to go upstairs to take some washing up and mums phone started buzzing. I picked it up to carry downstairs with me and saw the first line of a text.

'Wife's gone I'm free sexy'

My stomach dropped out of my feet. And I know I shouldn't have...but I did. I looked through her phone.

She's been having an affair with a married man. The texts were...gross. Most of them were him saying he was home now so not to call.

And I didn't even think, I was so angry. I text him from mums phone.

'You dirty fuck. You have a wife right? I've stored your number. How about if you don't stop contact immediately I call you every day, day and night? Do you think your wife will start to notice?'

Awww shit I know, I know! Should not have done that. If it's some small defence I'm 7 weeks pregnant and a bag of raging hormones.

This is hard to describe but my mums always beat me other the head with morals. She's sort of acted holier than thou for fifty years, she's not shy about coming down on me or anyone else for questionable moral behaviour and I've always looked up to her.

I was so angry at him for changing my mums personality. Or is thus who she is really?

I'm an adult. It isn't any of my business. I know I fucked up.I can't tell anyone else. What do I do now?

I'm so sorry Happy,I don't know where you go from here,but please try to take care of yourself if you have difficult pregnancies then this stress is the last thing you need.

Does your mother realize that your pregnant?

Oh, Happy, what a horrible text to get from your mum. I cannot stand that 'can't help who you fall in love with' line, it's an emotional cop out, absolute bullshit. She didn't fall in love with this arse at first sight, she's actively persude a relationship for it to get this far. There's nothing worse than when you parents become a horrible disappointment to you. You still love them, but things like this change things forever. Don't blame yourself for finding out, even if it's the worst timing, when you're pregnant and probably very worried about your dad. Look after yourself, that's the priority at the moment.

Seeing the first line of a text flash up is the equivalent of overhearing a conversation or reading a postcard left writing side up. It's not snooping.
Concentrate on protecting your dad now. Tell your Mum you don't want to be involved but she really needs to look after him and that includes not receiving mucky texts in a way he could have seen and not rushing off to MM at the drop of a hat or in a way that could arouse dads suspicious. She's acting like a giddy school girl.
What a nasty shock.

Oh dear. I cannot tell how ill your father is, but sometimes in times of stress good people do strange things. It may be hard for your mum caring for someone, physically and emotionally. She may be in a bad place and having an love affair is some sort of erroneous coping mechanism. How old is your mum?

For me, it would be worse that she mentions love than if it were just sex. But even then I assume that she is majorly stressed right now and would not assume that she has chosen her words wisely. She should be old enough o know that text messaging is not appropriate in this situation though.

Take time, speak to your DH. You know that thing about counting to 10 before acting?? In this case I would say that 10 is measured in days!

If she had to use a cover I feel sorry for her having such little freedom for years and having to justify every movement to her husband.

For goodness sake that's laughable!

Leave it for now and concentrate on you and your DC. Talk to your DP about this.

What am I supposed to say to that? I feel angry. She has always drilled in to us if you don't love someone you leave, you never cheat and lie.

I just feel really sad for Dad.

Is a very good starting point for a text or conversation.

She is a liar, hypocrite and cheat and has she realised her OM is also if he sneaking around as soon as his wife leaves the house?

And don't let her ever moralise over you again.

Take care of yourself

Crikey what a mess. I would have probably done the same.

Sending lots of love your way x

I'm going to take the advice about turning the phone off now. I will update later when I'm home.

Text I just received was asking me if I knew what I had done,mass married man won't answer the phone to her now.

I feel sick.

Didn't love her that much then did he.

Peggy you say the OPs mum is an adult so can do what she likes. You could argue that the OP is also an adult and can do what she likes, including acting on information she came about pretty much by accident.

It may be hard for your mum caring for someone, physically and emotionally. She may be in a bad place and having an love affair is some sort of erroneous coping mechanism. How old is your mum?

Whilst yes it may be hard and stressful it is absolutely no excuse for an affair!

Oh so difficult.
It sounds as if she would be considering leaving if it wasn't for the fact your dad was ill.
Only you know your dad and how he is likely to react. I think every decision needs to centre round him and his needs. Your mum feels she us already doing that. You and dp need to decide whether you keep quiet and collude with her or whether your Df needs to hear about it. What does his future look like health wise?

Rock and hard place spring to mind. I don't envy you.

"Bullshit Mum. You are a liar and a cheat. Don't you dare use me as cover (cancelling at the last minute - NOW I understand) ever again. I'm going to talk to DP about it, I'm not sure I can face going away with you now."

Xici - no threat just a reminder of boundaries. Why wouldn't it be her DHs business if his pregnant wife was extremely stressed out because of a family situation and his family was being used to cover up lies! I think it's wierd to compartmentalise your life to the point where your spouse cannot feel protective towards their other half. Especially when you know your pregnant wife who has a history of difficult pregnancies is now landed with a stress bomb. They are just suppose to put up and shut up??? No threat just drawing boundaries.

Anyway that's a moot point now. Your mum has come out and admitted her feelings. She needs to tell your dad then. Secrets and lies will be just as distructive as the truth.

I wonder if the other man will leave his wife?

Well if he's not answering the phone, then it may have solved the problem.
What a mess.

X-post with your update. Add to that "Do you know what YOU'VE done Mum? Do you know how many lives you're ripping apart? Do you even care?"

Aw, her little fling is ruined now?? How dare she try to blame you for that, OP.

You poor thing :(

My reply would be..
I cannot tell you what to do with your life. But even though he does not know, your behaviour is affecting Dad as he is very worried about how you have changed recently. I am upset that you have used trips to see your grandchildren as a cover for seeing another man. Please do not involve me in your lying. When the truth comes out - which it will - I do not want my father to lose trust in his daughter as well as his wife

I wonder if MM thought the text was from her. You didn't make it clear it was from someone else. It looks like SHE was threatening him, so no wonder he's blocking her.

Looks like you have knocked it on the head

Oh shit Beet. That's exactly the line I got from my mum 'do you realise what you've done' that's how it starts.

Blaming you
Star crossed lovers scenario
Your dad was abusive
Don't you want me to be happy
His wife is horrible to him
You don't understand
I gave my life for you kids don't I deserve something now

And so on.

Sounding like a stuck record now but get your DH involved and use him as your shield whilst you process all this otherwise she'll just batter you.

Sounds like he wasn't the knight in shining armour she thought and he's run for the hills. She's probably angry and looking for someone to blame.

If you want to chat just PM me. The script is depressingly familiar and if I can help I will.

He won't answer the phone to her? Oh, bloody diddums. Don't you dare let her make you feel guilty about this! And she very likely will, this is her mess - her behaviour the last few months suggests she's been feeling guilty, she will very likely try and project these feelings on to you now for 'daring to find out'.

I'd just tell her 'I may have had no right to text this man, but you cannot be suprised at my reaction. I guess we're both capable of doing things that shocks the other. I'm so disappointed in you, in what little respect you've shown dad, your family, the bloke's wife. However, dad is ill, I'm pregnant, and these are more important things going on right now than you getting your rocks off with some man. So, you decide what you want in life, and we'll go from there. Dad is my worry right now, not you. You're my mum, I will always love you, but I'm so disappointed in you right now - this is not how you taught me to behave. Don't ever take the moral high ground with me again.'.

I assume he doesn't answer his phone because he thinks it's you!

Text I just received was asking me if I knew what I had done,mass married man won't answer the phone to her now.

Good grief. Do not let her blackmail you OP.

Talk to your DH when he gets home.

Yep maybe she seen the first few words on a message that flashed up on the screen but then she went into the phone and read all the messages - that's hardly finding out by accident

You'd think she'd have learned her lesson regarding texts already this morning.

Do not reply. Give nothing that could be used or misconstrued.

Switch off phone. Discuss with DP re holiday. It's her mess to fix.

Turn off your phone.

She is already starting to put the blame on you.

You don't need this. Especially right now.

My reaction/thought is he doesn't want his wife finding out and your mum will now be dropped like a steaming pile. He will protect himself and your mum will realise what a sordid little affair it was for him, not some great romance and you will be to blame for her realising this.