Shit, I text my Mums lover.

[HappyBeet86]

Alright I know I'm am unreasonable but I need to get this out somewhere.

Bit of background, my parents are both getting on a bit. My Dads health isn't fantastic.

Lately my Mum has been having lots of 'errands' to run at short notice, she makes plans (like meeting up with me and dd in swimming) and texts at the last minute to say something's come up. I only mention it because it has been very noticeable. My Dad confided in me that he is worried about her, she used to be relaxed and happy. She is always stressed and angry lately.

To be completely honest I was starting to worry that she might be getting early signs of dementia.

I am at their house this morning with dd. I had to go upstairs to take some washing up and mums phone started buzzing. I picked it up to carry downstairs with me and saw the first line of a text.

'Wife's gone I'm free sexy'

My stomach dropped out of my feet. And I know I shouldn't have...but I did. I looked through her phone.

She's been having an affair with a married man. The texts were...gross. Most of them were him saying he was home now so not to call.

And I didn't even think, I was so angry. I text him from mums phone.

'You dirty fuck. You have a wife right? I've stored your number. How about if you don't stop contact immediately I call you every day, day and night? Do you think your wife will start to notice?'

Awww shit I know, I know! Should not have done that. If it's some small defence I'm 7 weeks pregnant and a bag of raging hormones.

This is hard to describe but my mums always beat me other the head with morals. She's sort of acted holier than thou for fifty years, she's not shy about coming down on me or anyone else for questionable moral behaviour and I've always looked up to her.

I was so angry at him for changing my mums personality. Or is thus who she is really?

I'm an adult. It isn't any of my business. I know I fucked up.I can't tell anyone else. What do I do now?

Hello op. I hope the scan will put your mind at rest. I think trying to forget it is a great idea for now. If you don't think you can actually forget it per se, try making a conscious effort to just "park" it. That way you give yourself permission to ignore it for a bit and come back to it when hit are ready

I must admit, on a pretty fraught thread, dolce made me laugh a lot. How very fucking dare you waste Her precious time with a genuine family crisis. She's busy dontcha know.

dolce - have you ever heard the saying, better to be quiet and thought a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt?.

Beet, how stressful for you, such a mix of emotions going in at the moment. I would honestly suggest you possibly find a counsellor to talk this through with, or a very wise real life friend. The stress isn't good for you, and stepping away from your family obviously isn't an option due to your dad. So perhaps putting it aside in your mind is 'best' for now, but please don't let it just stew either. You always have this thread when you need to rant about it all at least.

Haven't read the full thread , but the op is bang out of order interfering in her mothers life. Who the fuck does she think she is?

I guess you didn't graduate from charm school then!?

If you havent read all the thread then don't comment and learn some manners

You may not have a life,but Icertainly haven't time to waster reading 24 pages!

Yet you have time to post attention seeking nasty remarks.

Glad you're looking after yourself Beet and things have settled to a degree for the time being

*I am a terrible daughter for texting married man. He still isn't talking to her. I have ruined her life and I am an ungrateful shit. She can't believe I am so selfish as to have done this. If I tell my Dad it will probably kill him but I probably won't care because I'm selfish.

This has all been quite shocking. It is not the woman I've known all these years. I'd never even heard her swear but these messages are like slaps in the face.*

Your mother is now feeling very guilty and caught out, and is projecting everything she feels about herself onto you. This also explains the change in behaviour - she's been having an affair and is in some way conflicted about it - trying to believe in a 'love affair' with the OM whilst also knowing that your father is not well. This ISN'T about you, it really IS about her. Try not to take it personally. She wouldn't be attacking you like this if she didn't know in her heart she was in the wrong and having difficulty handling this knowledge.

shut yes to what you said, I wanted to say it but was getting all her up and ridiculous.

Best wishes to you Beet

Good luck with your scan OP. Try and rest up and avoid stressful people, like your mum, until you feel better.

Scobberlotcher

Alas I tried to develop my psychic powers, but I can't even see to tea time so thing it might be a lost cause

Bit nervous about the scan tomorrow but I always am! I'm sure it will be fine.

Good luck for tomorrow Beet

Thank you Rainbow

Thinking of you Beet. Hope it all goes well

Thanks Learning.

I'm sure it will.

The weigh in probably won't after that cake!

Rozalia yup I agree completely, illness in loved ones shows who people really are.

What scares me is the way it's becoming acceptable to behave disgustingly because your 'loved one' is ill or caring for a family member who is.

That's why I can't contribute to this thread to support Beet as much as I'd like. I'm finding it hard to deal with the 'blame the ill person' rhetoric.

When I became very ill, my stbxh took great delight in torturing me and using his great power like a selfish toddler. It was of course my fault, and liscence for him to ramp up the emotional, physical, financial abuse.

I couldn't walk, so relied on someone to bring me water/ food, which he also used as a power thing. And to those you would be happy to excuse his behaviour, no he wasn't a put upon carer and me the selfish ill person using my illness as an excuse to tie him to me (as someone suggested the OP dad is earlier on in the thread), friends and carers did more than him, he just had to help when he said he would, when he volunteered he would and therefore I hadn't got anyone else.

What makes his behaviour so utterly disgusting is that by proxy he did that to his new born son. I was full time parent for our little baby (he couldn't be arsed with any actual parenting, though professed love for his son it didn't run to more than empty words). It was damn lucky I breastfed or ds too would have never known where his next bottle of milk was coming. There were many times I was hungry and thirsty and in incredible pain but still able to look after my baby.

Oh and of course according to H I was lying about being ill and he had many cosy little chats about that with my foul mother who agreed.

He used my carers as his own personal servants, and when She came down to stay she turned carers away at the front door as she was ashamed of me, and of course didn't help herself as 'I was making it up' so I was trapped, scared and unable to access help in my own house.

So reading the smug victim blaming of ill people on this thread is incredibly upsetting. Especially when those posters have invented the situation of exhausted selfless carer - selfish ill person out of their own imaginations and prejudices.

Sorry Beet I really feel for you but I can't stomach some of the replies on here. I hope I'd find another thread if you started one in relationships if you still need support after this immediate crisis x

Just saying that I hope all goes well Beet.

Thinking of you beet.

MiscellaneousAssortment I am so sorry you were treated so appallingly by your ex and your mum.

Miscellaneous that is appalling. Hope things are better for you now.

Beet good luck for tomorrow.

That's fucking awful MiscellaneousAssortment . There is never any justification for being so vile and abusive towards anyone and your ex and mum did just that.

You may not have a life,but Icertainly haven't time to waster reading 24 pages!

Thank you for recognising how essential (and original) your contributions would be in this very lengthy thread, and sharing them with us all, at the expense of some of your oh-so-valuable time. It makes complete sense that you can't be bothered to read, but can always be bothered to type. Nobody else's contributions could possibly be as important as yours.

What would we, let alone the OP, have done without you?

Misc, there is a poster in our local A&E on carer abuse, and how hidden it often is, as people think a carer must always be a saint. I am so sorry you have been in that situation. Thank God you breastfed, and were able to offer your baby the protection you so very much deserved for yourself.

Hi Beet,

All the very best for tomorrow.

miscellaneous

Bugger sorry Beet I didn't mean to divert posts. X

And thank you others for kind posts.
You've made me howl but I'm so glad no ones excusing it, which in my head was likely to happen.

Not a fan of the 'ill person as leach and a selfish manipulator' trope! H & M dined out on it for a long time, and they both have their own 'tragic tale of hardship and woe' that I'm betting still suckers people every time.

And yes, it got worse before it got better and there's a long way to go but theres good news too.

H doesn't know where we are, (though I haven't plucked up courage to divorce yet, staying invisible is too important).

M is no longer in a position to effect me in that way, (though reluctantly she's still in our lives - at a distance).

And the best thing is DS and me are together as ever, in spite of it all. He's no longer a baby breast feeding from his dehydrated mummy, whilst vermin ran across the bed (yes, it got bad, but hey, the 'carers' did well off the back of it), But DS, he's just school age now and amazing. In fact to continue the breast theme, he just poked my boobs and called them bongo drums, the cheeky little monster

Misc. I had similar after the birth of my baby. Awful.