Shit, I text my Mums lover.

[HappyBeet86]

Alright I know I'm am unreasonable but I need to get this out somewhere.

Bit of background, my parents are both getting on a bit. My Dads health isn't fantastic.

Lately my Mum has been having lots of 'errands' to run at short notice, she makes plans (like meeting up with me and dd in swimming) and texts at the last minute to say something's come up. I only mention it because it has been very noticeable. My Dad confided in me that he is worried about her, she used to be relaxed and happy. She is always stressed and angry lately.

To be completely honest I was starting to worry that she might be getting early signs of dementia.

I am at their house this morning with dd. I had to go upstairs to take some washing up and mums phone started buzzing. I picked it up to carry downstairs with me and saw the first line of a text.

'Wife's gone I'm free sexy'

My stomach dropped out of my feet. And I know I shouldn't have...but I did. I looked through her phone.

She's been having an affair with a married man. The texts were...gross. Most of them were him saying he was home now so not to call.

And I didn't even think, I was so angry. I text him from mums phone.

'You dirty fuck. You have a wife right? I've stored your number. How about if you don't stop contact immediately I call you every day, day and night? Do you think your wife will start to notice?'

Awww shit I know, I know! Should not have done that. If it's some small defence I'm 7 weeks pregnant and a bag of raging hormones.

This is hard to describe but my mums always beat me other the head with morals. She's sort of acted holier than thou for fifty years, she's not shy about coming down on me or anyone else for questionable moral behaviour and I've always looked up to her.

I was so angry at him for changing my mums personality. Or is thus who she is really?

I'm an adult. It isn't any of my business. I know I fucked up.I can't tell anyone else. What do I do now?

I hope all went well today?

Hope you're ok beet

How are you OP? How did your scan for? Hope all is ok. xx

So sorry for not updating our internet has been dodgy as hell!

Everything was absolutely fine, nice sting heartbeat so I'm over the moon.

Everything is also packed ready to go tomorrow. We talked it through and decided Dad and Dd didn't deserve to miss out on a much anticipated holiday.

Bar a few courteous phone calls and generic texts I haven't heard much from Mum. She did text once to say she loves Dad and hasn't spoken to other man. Obviously can only take her word for it.

I expect she has not spoken to the OM purely because he's continuing to blank her!

Really pleased that your scan went well :)

Good luck for the holiday. Just get through it and spend lots of time with your dad

OP, having skim-read this thread all I can say is I truly feel for you. none of us know how we would react in such a situation so those prancing around on their holier-than-thou high horses need to bog off imo.

I hope you manage to enjoy your holiday, take care.

So she's now decided she does love your Dad...presumably as her OM is blanking her ?

I hope you have a good holiday with your Dad and DD

So glad your scan was normal, that's excellent news!

Good luck with the holiday - hope you can enjoy some quality time with your dad without your mum stressing you out too much.

Fantastic news on your scan Beet, been following your thread hoping all went well.

NotSoHappyBeet great news about the scan.

Hope holiday goes well.

I hope your dad and daughter enjoy it.

I expect your mum will find it all really stressful, as well she might! But I hope even in the midst of that holiday there may be some good moments for you all.

Enjoy whatever bits you can.

Great news on the scan, hope you enjoy the holiday at least a little.

I too think om has binned her off. Meh hopefully she's learnt her lesson.

I think you made the right decision re the holiday

As it stands, you have done nothing wrong, your father and DD have done nothing wrong, so why should the three of you suffer because of the choices your mother made?

She will be sleeping badly, playing nice and on hot coals because she knows that at any point you could put a bomb in her pocket and watch it explode. Hopefully that, coupled with the fact that lover boy appears to have binned her off will teach her a lesson.

Ugh. What a horrible thing to find out.

Unfortunately, there's no putting the cat back in the bag. How you found out is no longer relevant. Your mom cheated and is having an affair, you cannot unknow this.

That said, personally if I caught the other parent I'd spill the beans right then an there (and probably send a text back as you did). That secret is not your burden to bear. He might find out eventually anyway, and you don't want to be the one caught in the middle of it for knowing and keeping it a secret. I'd be pissed, and incredibly hurt if everyone but me knew my marriage was in the shitter.

I've come to find that people in "poor health" aren't fragile little butterflies. Your father is an adult and deserves to know. We've given poorly FIL tough love, told him unpleasant truths, and it hasn't killed him yet. It's made him incredibly upset, but he's been happier for it once he's moved on.

Your father might grieve, but honestly, people know when their marriage is in the shitter. I doubt he thinks it's all sun shine and roses. I would honestly be shocked if he's caught completely off guard by it. It would probably answer a lot of questions he's had about your mother's erratic behavior. He might be just as miserable and this could give him the opportunity to find something new to pursue.

I'd sit down and talk with him. Let him know what's going on, he already knows something is up anyway if he's calling to check on you. Your relationship with your mother is already permanently altered for the worse. I wouldn't want that with my father.

Good news about the scan Beet.
Try and enjoy your holiday