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AIBU?

To be fucking fuming?

218 replies

LouiseBoo · 03/09/2015 11:08

Before I start, I've been with my partner for just about a year now, but I wouldn't have treated someone this way if they were with someone for 1 minute.

Last night my OH's Mum had all the immediate family round for dinner. This consists of us, her husband and other two sons, her grandchild and her son's partner (BABIES mum). Might I mention that her youngest son is only 10, hence him not having anyone there.

She decided they'd have a 'new home' picture, and surprise surprise, all got into position and as I went to stand next to my OH, was told by his Mum ''Oh Lou, would you mind taking the photo?''

I did, and after it was taken my OH made a comment that his little brother should take the picture so I could be in one, and his Mum did one of those little laughs where you haven't heard what someone's said/ignored it.

I was absolutely fuming, complained of a severe migraine and got OH to drive me home. He's working now so I've yet to discuss it with him.

OP posts:

Report

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 03/09/2015 15:51

A year isn't that bad to ttc ffs. Give her a break. If she'd shagged someone up against the bins behind a nightclub without knowing his name and with no condom and got pregnant you'd all be saying we shouldn't judge!

Sallystyle · 03/09/2015 16:05

My MIL thought of me as family when we had out first child together.

Which btw, we did in the first year (we have been together 10 years and extremely happy)

I don't think I would think of my son's girlfriend as family just because they lived together after a year. I would however have taken a photo with her in it to be polite.

I remember my friend having her new boyfriend in my wedding photos. He was an arse and they lasted like 11 months. I wish I had group photos of our wedding without him in them. It's not a huge deal but he wasn't a friend or family. I didn't feel I could ask him to step aside though.

Living together and TTC does not make you family. It might in some people's eyes but it doesn't hers. You own a house together, that means very little.

It's about time and the level of importance you have, and right now you are just their son's girlfriend. I get that it doesn't feel nice but it is the truth.

BTW my husband also had photos of just him with his parents and brother. It did not bother me at all.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 03/09/2015 16:18

I don't think that you can fake a migraine. At least not to anyone who has actually seen you suffer one.

TBH I doubt the OP gets migraines or she'd know that. Or she didn't care it was obviously fake.

Reubs15 · 03/09/2015 16:23

They're all family, you're not.
It's just a photo anyway, chill!

borisgudanov · 03/09/2015 16:48

You contrived a fake mograine because ypu weren't in the family photo when you aren't family?

Let me think about this for about 0.3 seconds.

YABFU.

ecuse · 03/09/2015 16:57

Yep - unless there's massive back story you hugely over reacted. It would have been a social nicety for her to take another photo with you in but the rest were all family and you're. .. well, not.

Voovinnie · 03/09/2015 17:03

So when OP has her son's child (she could be pregnant tomorrow), she automatically becomes family, in the same league as his brothers partner?

slithytove · 03/09/2015 18:16

I think if she has his baby, it makes her permanent as that child's mother, whether they are a couple or not.

That doesn't make her family. People have the right to choose who they think of as family if there is no legal connection.

OH mum is perfectly within her rights to think of OP as 'sons girlfriend' or eventually 'baby's mum', though if relationships are ok, the latter isn't very nice.

It does make it different sometimes if there isn't an official in law relationship.

Op why not get married? A child is a bigger commitment anyway, plus it safeguards you financially.

slithytove · 03/09/2015 18:17

and then you can control who is in all the wedding photos

AyeAmarok · 03/09/2015 18:57

OP, you have issues.

Phoebe84 · 03/09/2015 19:12

I don't understand this. You're not family and you can't will yourself to be someone's family. I think it was a reasonable thing for your DP's DM to do. She wanted a family photo, that's the beginning and the end of this. YABU.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 03/09/2015 19:15

Yabu, everyone else has closer ties of course they asked you to take it. And she probsbly thought why would my sons gf care about being in a photo with her bf's family in their new home?

Yabvu to have faked illness and been a best about it.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 03/09/2015 19:15

Brat not best

patterkiller · 03/09/2015 19:21

Weve been married for 17years together 21, we have two dcs. Bil and partner together nearly as long also with two dcs. Last Christmas MIL said she would love a new family photo. Thrusting a camera at me and her phone at my SIL.

We took her family snap for her then took a lovely selfie of the both of us with a knowing smile. We will never ever be her family but she's not all that bad. And she knows where my line is drawn.

ShelaghTurner · 03/09/2015 19:29

Clearly my in laws are completely different to everyone else then. DH and I were engaged within 3 months and from that second on I was family despite us not living together till we married well over a year later. They would definitely have treated the OP as family and probably so would my parents, even if only to be polite.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 03/09/2015 19:35

You are not family. If I were in your position I would not have assumed that I was going to be in the picture. I don't think going home with a pretend headache will have endeared you to the family either really.

Purplepoodle · 03/09/2015 19:39

Perhaps she views married as being family. I'd say grandchild mother gets by ball as she has given her a grandchild

bringthenoise · 03/09/2015 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

99percentchocolate · 03/09/2015 19:55

Yabu and completely over-reacting. My dp and I had been together 2 years when sil got married. She insisted I be in the family pictures but I made sure ahe had some family photos without me as you never know what will happen in the future (not that I ever doubted my relationship, but still, it's just courtesy)

Waltermittythesequel · 03/09/2015 20:02

YABU.

And weird.

You've been with him a wet weekend. Get over yourself.

CakeNinja · 03/09/2015 20:05

You come across as a high maintenance drama llama
And that's without bothering to search out your other threads.
I'm amazed that you managed to have a relationship from it's early stages and have bought a place together within one year as its such a huge step to take - but this doesn't make you family.

FinnMcCool · 03/09/2015 20:12

YABU.
You're the gf of one year. Not long at all.

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BaxterDawes · 03/09/2015 20:42

I think the OP may have got the message that she overreacted.

Liara · 03/09/2015 20:47

DH and I have been together over 25 years, have two dc and he would think it absolutely natural that he take the picture in that situation.

I just don't get why you care.

amarmai · 03/09/2015 20:57

hope you angled the camera just so and clicked when her real nature flashed over her face-it does you know.

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