To be fucking fuming?

[LouiseBoo]

Before I start, I've been with my partner for just about a year now, but I wouldn't have treated someone this way if they were with someone for 1 minute.

Last night my OH's Mum had all the immediate family round for dinner. This consists of us, her husband and other two sons, her grandchild and her son's partner (BABIES mum). Might I mention that her youngest son is only 10, hence him not having anyone there.

She decided they'd have a 'new home' picture, and surprise surprise, all got into position and as I went to stand next to my OH, was told by his Mum ''Oh Lou, would you mind taking the photo?''

I did, and after it was taken my OH made a comment that his little brother should take the picture so I could be in one, and his Mum did one of those little laughs where you haven't heard what someone's said/ignored it.

I was absolutely fuming, complained of a severe migraine and got OH to drive me home. He's working now so I've yet to discuss it with him.

[YouAreMyRain]

How old are you OP?

How long has your DPs brother been with his GF?

[Despondentlyyours]

I was at my ex's brothers wedding and included in all the official family photos. I cringe to think that I on a wall smiling down on them somewhere! We were together 1.5 years at that point....

Op Yabu, childish and petulant. The new home picture was clearly as special moment and your DP's DM wanted her family to be in, her children at that.I would have offered to take the picture in your shoes tbh. This doesn't minimise your commitment to your partner (that presumably your DP's DM isn't orivy to).

[MadrigalElectromotive]

I think you need to reassess your reaction here. You have only been together for a year and she (presumably) doesn't know you are TTC.

My ILs were actively hostile to me (I don't see them any more) and so I know how it can feel, but in the grand scheme of things, this doesn't sound like major hostility to me. Perhaps your DP's Mum is rather thoughtless, but don't let it get in the way of the possibility of building a good relationship with her if you can.

And don't take it out on your DP - that way only misery lies.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

I think thatg going off your reaction here that there is more to this. Possibly linked to your attitude? You sound trather aggressive and perhaps that shows through in real life also?

[Floggingmolly]

Maybe she wanted the grandchild in the photo, but wrenching him/her from the mothers arms just to keep the mother out of a photograph seemed like overkill, voovinnie?

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Ah, I see other posters are talking about another thread of yours? You don't seem to be coming across well and people are mentioning controlling. Perhaps your mil picks up on that, along with your aggression?

I am baffled as to why you think being together one year would automatically mean you could be in the picture? A year isn't actually that long. Why are you in such a rush?

[SaucyJack]

But if the brother and his partner did split up, she will still always have a role in the family (ie GC's mum). Even if the split is acrimonious she will still always be linked to the MIL.

No one's going to be looking at her picture in twenty years time and trying to remember her name or who she is.

[WeirdCatLadySaysFuckOffJeffrey]

OP, the fact that you are living together and trying to have a baby STILL doesn't make you family. You ARE just his girlfriend.

As others have said, I feel quite sorry for your boyfriend, you sound like very hard work.

That isn't going to endear you to his family who, I am quite certain, will have seen through your ridiculous sudden migraine and will know you threw your toys out of the pram.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

And yes, your fake migraine fooled no one. I suspect if you have behaved like that before it might be part of the reason you weren't in the picture to start with!

[Devilishpyjamas]

You do sound hard work.

Faking migraines is ridiculous, especially for not being included in the photograph. Very needy. I have a family member who fakes migraines. I have pretty much zero tolerance for it now.

[Topseyt]

His mum could perhaps have been a little more tactful about it, but you have seriously over-reacted here.

It is just a photo ffs. Why get so het up over it? I would have been relieved not to have been in it, but I don't like being photographed anyway. No particular reason, I just don't.

As your DP's girlfriend of one year, it is very presumptuous of you to refer to yourself as "family". You aren't, even though you own a house together and are trying for a baby. If you have a baby and get married (perhaps not in that order) then I guess you become part of the extended family, but not until then.

You are talking as though a year is akin to a lifetime. It is really just a very short time in terms of a relationship, and I do hope you have a very long and happy relationship, including as many babies as you want and perhaps marriage if you want it.

[SoleBizzzz]

Dramallamaitis.

[Snoopadoop]

OP you really need to calm down, this is a photo taken on a crappy iPhone not some once in a lifetime photo opportunity. I have been with my DH for 20 years (married 8). In this situation I would have volunteered to take the photo of I was the only 'family' member not linked by blood. You are fuming when you have been with your partner for a year and showing your immaturity but faking migraines.

[YouAreMyRain]

Do you actually suffer from migraines, OP? I do and I have never faked one. No wonder so many people are suspicious of migraines being fake when people actually do fake them.

[MadrigalElectromotive]

Yes, good point Rain - I worry that people think I'm faking when I get a migraine.

[needastrongone]

I have been with DH for 20 years. I have an adorable MIL, we are very close and always have been. But she is nobody's fool even now in her 80's. We are both good judges of character and can figure folk out pretty quickly. It's interesting now most of her grandchildren are adults and their various partners change. You can suss out a good one easy enough, she says. I was a keeper

Just wondering if your partners family are seeing something that you maybe are not?

[Lj8893]

Very good point rain
I don't think it's even possible to fake a migraine!!

[HamaTime]

I should have also mentioned that the neighbours were round at the time, so could have taken the bloody photo!

I don't mean to be rude, but I think your pants are on fire. If there was another person there then why did your DP not suggest that they take the damn photo, instead of his 10 year old brother.

BTW, if you are gathered in a group and only one person is a child then suggesting 'adults only' is singling out one person.

[KanyeWestPresidentForLife]

OP, come on, be honest. It sounds like you are struggling to conceive and feeling upset about it. Is the thing that is really upsetting you the fact that the partner who has a baby is being treated like family and you're not? Is that pushing on a sore point as far as struggling to conceive goes?

[LovelyFriend]

massive overreaction.

Did you or your DP ask one of the neighbours to take a photo of you all on your phone? No? Why not?

And yet you are fucking fuming with your boyfriends Mum for not thinking of something you didn't think about?

[BoredAdminGirl]

Hmmph, You have only been together a year. Imagine you broke up and him and his family would have to look at that photo !

[SaySomethingCool]

One of those rare threads where the sympathy lies completely with the "MIL"for once. As PP have said, I bet she has the measure of you.

You're not family yet and I bet MIL is hoping you never will be

YABVU, and very hard work from the sounds of things.

[Spilose]

You may be family in the eyes of your OH, but this is your OH's mother. You are not family to her, everyone else she has permanent ties too, you are the obvious choice to step aside and take the picture. YABU

[Tiptops]

Jesus. You are not family after one year OP!

I don't think anyone will be able to rationalise this with you though. Buying a house and TTC with someone you've been with for a matter of months is lunacy. I don't blame your MIL for being sceptical about your relationship at all. She seems to have more sense than you and your boyfriend put together.