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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking fuming?

218 replies

LouiseBoo · 03/09/2015 11:08

Before I start, I've been with my partner for just about a year now, but I wouldn't have treated someone this way if they were with someone for 1 minute.

Last night my OH's Mum had all the immediate family round for dinner. This consists of us, her husband and other two sons, her grandchild and her son's partner (BABIES mum). Might I mention that her youngest son is only 10, hence him not having anyone there.

She decided they'd have a 'new home' picture, and surprise surprise, all got into position and as I went to stand next to my OH, was told by his Mum ''Oh Lou, would you mind taking the photo?''

I did, and after it was taken my OH made a comment that his little brother should take the picture so I could be in one, and his Mum did one of those little laughs where you haven't heard what someone's said/ignored it.

I was absolutely fuming, complained of a severe migraine and got OH to drive me home. He's working now so I've yet to discuss it with him.

OP posts:
Nonnainglese · 03/09/2015 13:24

She wanted a family photo, so YABVU and behaving like a petulant, spoiled brat.

It wouldn't have even occurred to me that I should would have been in the photo. I bet several of those present are wondering how you'll behave the next time there's a family gathering, assuming you even get asked after this prima Donna episode.

Jackie0 · 03/09/2015 13:24

I'll get flamed but,
Please have you eyes open to the vulnerable position you are putting yourself in having your boyfriend's child without being married.
Or maybe you plan to be in which case ignore me.

gobbynorthernbird · 03/09/2015 13:28

You are not 'clearly family'. You are a girlfriend.

steppemum · 03/09/2015 13:30

you were also the Op of the TTC thread.

Wow. You are seriously high maintenance.

I feel sorry for you dp.

If you are actually interested in what people say, read the posts. Nearly everyone said you have over reacted. Same on the other thread.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/09/2015 13:32

So are you fuming at your dp for not insisting that you were photographed and what is there to discuss when he gets in from work?

InimitableJeeves · 03/09/2015 13:36

I didn't even suggest for one minute that her youngest child shouldn't be in the photo, it's just I was left out and I'm clearly family!

But you suggested he should take the photo. How was that not suggesting that he shouldn't be in it?

Original poster
LouiseBoo · 03/09/2015 13:37

The reason I was so upset is because we own a house together, and we are always round their house as a couple so it seemed strange. Yes, we live together.

We are also TTC. I didn't asks for her son to step aside at all, that was my OHs suggestion to have another photo taken with just adults, so it's hardly leaving him out?

I get that "fucking fuming" was a little over the top, but it still doesn't sit right at all with me.

I should have also mentioned that the neighbours were round at the time, so could have taken the bloody photo!

I don't understand how I'm not family.. I seem that way in every other aspect. We have a bloody house joint to both names.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 03/09/2015 13:37

To be honest, if my son had moved in with someone within a year of getting together and they were actively ttc when they still barely know each other (a year is nothing) I would assume that you won't be together in the long term and want at least one photo without you. I would be polite and have one picture with you in though. YABU to be fucking fuming though, it surely isn't that much of a big deal?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/09/2015 13:38

You need to calm yourself and stop getting so het up.

Are you going to give your dp an ear bashing when he gets in?

Pity the poor chap.

Jackie0 · 03/09/2015 13:42

But you really aren't family, no matter how much you wish you were.

SavoyCabbage · 03/09/2015 13:42

So who should have taken it?

In your position I would have said 'I'll take the photo Marion'.

slithytove · 03/09/2015 13:42

Yabu, you aren't family, you are a girlfriend

browneyedgirl86 · 03/09/2015 13:43

Living together doesn't automatically make you family to your ILs. You say you have been together for just about a year, your already living together and trying for a child?
It seems incredibly quick. I'm just saying. That's probably why you aren't regarded as family. It needs time.

Jackie0 · 03/09/2015 13:43

If you want to be afforded your 'rightful' place as a family member marry him.

flapinko · 03/09/2015 13:44

I think that is really rude of your partner's Mum actually. Even if she just had a version taken by neighbours/other son, that never saw the light of day, it would have been the polite thing to do. I don't think that you come across as 'seriously high maintenance', I'd have felt rather awkward, and as if DP's Mum was trying to make a [very passive-aggressive] point about something too.

PerspicaciaTick · 03/09/2015 13:45

But I don't expect that anyone else apart from you and your DP know you are TTC (because sharing that would be weird) - so your partner's family won't have factored that in.

TBH, in similar situations we've taken several pictures with different people pressing the button so we end up with everyone being included in the pictures one way or another. It is a bit rude to take one photo and miss someone out. But not as rude as faking a migraine and leaving.

slithytove · 03/09/2015 13:47

You own a house together.

That doesn't make you family of your OH mum, dad and brothers.

You are their sons/brothers girlfriend, that's all.

My sister lives with her long term boyfriend, same terms as you bar the ttc. He isn't my family, not my brother in law, not my kids uncle. He would not be included if I wanted a family photo. Though I wouldn't be a bitch about taking a photo with him in it if I already had the one I wanted.

slithytove · 03/09/2015 13:47

And yes, it's far too fast. How soon did you buy a house together!

Incidentally, were the neighbours in the picture?

BastardGoDarkly · 03/09/2015 13:50

Oh so now the neighbours were there Hmm

MTWTFSS · 03/09/2015 13:50

Why did the camera not have a timer?!?

Justmuddlingalong · 03/09/2015 13:50

Perhaps your Dp's mum knows more about your relationship than you think she does.

YouAreMyRain · 03/09/2015 13:51

You've been together one year and bought a house together?

You are not family yet.

How old are you btw? I'm asking because you assuming that you should be considered family suggests that this is your most significant relationship to date, but in most people's eyes (I'm in my 40s) one year is no time at all to be with someone. Older people, like your DPs parents will perceive time and the significance of relationships differently.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 03/09/2015 13:51

I'd love it if I was left out of a staged group photo. No matter how hard I try I always end up with boggle eyes, a lopsided grin and at least eight chins.

But assuming you like having your picture taken you are still BVU. There are real problems in the world. Perhaps if you didn't fake migraines and strop off then your boyfriend's mum might warm to you? I'm not being flippant, just suggesting you try a little harder.

5Foot5 · 03/09/2015 13:51

Hmm! I too am in the camp that think a year is awfully quick to be buying a house with someone and deciding they are the love of your life and the person you want to have children with. Perhaps it is a bit soon for them to think of you as "family".

And even if you felt a bit insulted you were definitely OTT to fake illness and strop off like a drama queen.

Original poster
LouiseBoo · 03/09/2015 13:52

Well yes the camera did have a timer I suppose, it was her iPhone.

I don't see how she could know, OH doesn't talk about it at all, just to me and we'd like it kept that way. We're both grown adults and if we see it fit to try for a baby, why not?

OP posts: