Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking fuming?

218 replies

LouiseBoo · 03/09/2015 11:08

Before I start, I've been with my partner for just about a year now, but I wouldn't have treated someone this way if they were with someone for 1 minute.

Last night my OH's Mum had all the immediate family round for dinner. This consists of us, her husband and other two sons, her grandchild and her son's partner (BABIES mum). Might I mention that her youngest son is only 10, hence him not having anyone there.

She decided they'd have a 'new home' picture, and surprise surprise, all got into position and as I went to stand next to my OH, was told by his Mum ''Oh Lou, would you mind taking the photo?''

I did, and after it was taken my OH made a comment that his little brother should take the picture so I could be in one, and his Mum did one of those little laughs where you haven't heard what someone's said/ignored it.

I was absolutely fuming, complained of a severe migraine and got OH to drive me home. He's working now so I've yet to discuss it with him.

OP posts:
contractor6 · 03/09/2015 11:23

Couldn't you have set the timer. I would feel miffed and she couldve just taken another picture, so as not to be rude.

HamaTime · 03/09/2015 11:23

Why would you boot your child out of a family photo to include another child's gf? If your bf was that arsed, why didn't her offer to take a photo rather than suggest his brother gets sidelined.

Theycallmemellowjello · 03/09/2015 11:24

Overreaction. It would be more weird if she wanted a gf who has been around for just a year in a family portrait. You're not family by any stretch.

MajesticWhine · 03/09/2015 11:24

A bit miffed: fine. Fucking fuming: YABU.
And why was BABIES in capitals. Is BABIES mum more accepted into the fold because she has a baby? Is that why you're angry? I think you are overreacting. No-one wants to be considered the least important person, but someone had to take the picture, and you were the best option

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 03/09/2015 11:25

Yabu

Jackie0 · 03/09/2015 11:26

I don't think a timer would have solved the problem of not wanting her son's girlfriend in a family photo though.

Quiero · 03/09/2015 11:26

I would have volunteered to take the picture, knowing I was kind of last one in. I do think however; someone should have stepped up and took another one. The mum herself actually, not the 10 year old.

NickiFury · 03/09/2015 11:27

Well I am always a bit surprised by the demands people make to be cared about and prioritised by their in laws. I always think it's rather entitled. Why should they? Their being kind and pleasant and welcoming should be expected obviously but anything more is a bonus.

Annarose2014 · 03/09/2015 11:27

Yabvu.

KitKat1985 · 03/09/2015 11:28

Well I can see why you are miffed BUT someone had to take the photo rather than be in it, and you would have been the obvious choice given that you are not married to one of her sons or mother to any of her grandchildren. I think you are massively over-reacting TBH.

I wouldn't have treated someone this way if they were with someone for 1 minute.

Really? You would have considered someone's first date partner to be the same level of importance to be in a family photo as their spouses? REALLY?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/09/2015 11:29

I'm interested to hear what you actually expect from your dp.

Are you cross that he didn't make more of a fuss to insist on you being photographed within the group?

Hackersschmakers · 03/09/2015 11:30

YABU.

I wante a weddin picture of family without my sisters bf in it. She refused. They broke up.

Now I can't have my family wedding pictures up and neither can my mum as he's in them.

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 03/09/2015 11:31

Presumably the 10yo lives in the new home? So him being in it would actually be top priority?

Thurlow · 03/09/2015 11:31

YABU.

Why are you more important than the 10 year old son?

Maybe they could have taken a few photos with different people in them, but still.

Faking a migraine to leave over this is exceedingly childish.

nocabbageinmyeye · 03/09/2015 11:32

Your way over reacting, you've been together a year, not exactly a long time, perhaps for you and perhaps you are serious but it's not exactly long enough for others to want to stick you up on their sitting room wall.

As others have said someone had to take the picture, she probably felt awkward, her mistake was not taking a second photo just to have but not use, but then when it came to hanging up the photo would you have been insulted then too?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/09/2015 11:34

Did the camera have a timer option? If so, then YANBU. If it didn't, then YAB a bit U, but they could have been polite and taken the second photo with you in it anyway.

Calm down though - explain your hurt feelings to your OH whenever you see him next but dial back the "fucking fuming"ness.

Missrubyring · 03/09/2015 11:34

Sorry, but I think yabu and overreacting. Why should she prioritise having you in the family photos over her own children.
Is there more back story to this regarding the ILs??

Goshthatsspicy · 03/09/2015 11:36

To make matters kinder. I think they should have chosen another time to take the picture. They could have asked a neighbour or friend.
You probably feel hurt, that is understandable in my opinion.
I wouldn't have done it,because although you might not be considered family you'd still be my guest.
Smile

Goshthatsspicy · 03/09/2015 11:38

You do live together don't you?

ALemonyPea · 03/09/2015 11:38

YABU and a tad overreacting. Someone had to take the photo, it was a family photo and you were the least connected person to the family so we're the only one to take it.

is there more backstory to this? Do you live together, as if not, I can see why you're not in it.

IssyStark · 03/09/2015 11:39

I have been in a similar position in the past with my now DH's family (who seemed surprised that we were getting married and wanted kids after being together for almost 10 years during our 20s), and even I think you are majorly over-reacting.

A bit put out that DP's mum didn't want a second photo with you in it, yes I can see that but throwing a strop is ridiculous. You were by far the best photo to take of the family given that you were neither a blood relative nor married to or mother of a blood relative, and what sense does a photo make of the family that has everyone except the youngest brother plus you? It might have made more sense to suggest a photo of DP's parents, DP and yourself.

steppemum · 03/09/2015 11:39

to be honest, the more I think about it, if I were in your shoes I would have OFFERED to take the picture so the family could all be in it.
Of course it would then be nice if another picture had been taken with me in it too, but not essential

abigamarone · 03/09/2015 11:55

You were fuming, faked a migraine and now want to talk it over with your boyfriend? Do you have form for such massive overreaction - she probably has the measure of you.

Floggingmolly · 03/09/2015 12:00

In her place I would probably have taken another one with you in it, just to indulge you; while thinking to myself that you were a bit of a madam who shouldn't need to be indulged...

pinkdelight · 03/09/2015 12:00

YABU. Think how many of her son's girlfriends she's met if that helps put it into context. She wanted a photo of her family. So far that isn't you. Doesn't mean anything more than that. You're being way OTT and deeply insecure.