Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking fuming?

218 replies

LouiseBoo · 03/09/2015 11:08

Before I start, I've been with my partner for just about a year now, but I wouldn't have treated someone this way if they were with someone for 1 minute.

Last night my OH's Mum had all the immediate family round for dinner. This consists of us, her husband and other two sons, her grandchild and her son's partner (BABIES mum). Might I mention that her youngest son is only 10, hence him not having anyone there.

She decided they'd have a 'new home' picture, and surprise surprise, all got into position and as I went to stand next to my OH, was told by his Mum ''Oh Lou, would you mind taking the photo?''

I did, and after it was taken my OH made a comment that his little brother should take the picture so I could be in one, and his Mum did one of those little laughs where you haven't heard what someone's said/ignored it.

I was absolutely fuming, complained of a severe migraine and got OH to drive me home. He's working now so I've yet to discuss it with him.

OP posts:
TravellingToad · 03/09/2015 12:04

I'd want my son to be in our family photo more than my other sons girlfriend.

Sorry but I'm not going to be alone in thinking that!

WeirdCatLadySaysFuckOffJeffrey · 03/09/2015 12:04

Another vote here for total over-reaction.

You aren't actually part of her family, you are dating her son, that is all.

Why do you think that you are more important than her own child? Or the mother of her grandchild?

And as for faking a migraine and needing to berate your poor partner about it all??!!?? Drama-llama.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/09/2015 12:05

And another vote for an over reaction on your part. YABU.

I might be a tiny bit miffed, but not give it a second thought after that first thought.

teeththief · 03/09/2015 12:08

Is this a reverse? Massive self importance issue over reaction either way!

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 03/09/2015 12:09

my MIL does this, i am a member of her family's mother (my kids).
Both the DILs just find it funny.

Lj8893 · 03/09/2015 12:14

I don't think the op is coming back.

Witchend · 03/09/2015 12:15

If it was my ILs then we'd be fighting over who took the camera.

AuroraTeagarden · 03/09/2015 12:16

I kind of see a bit where you are coming from. I wasn't invited to the 'whole family' meal to meet BILs fiances family and celebrate their engagement despite me being engaged to his brother for longer than BIL and new fiance had even been together. I was also left out of several important 'family gatherings' and wasn't permitted to attend my fiances fathers funeral.

However, you shouldn't have flounced out, faking a migraine. That will just reinforce their feeling of you being the 'outsider'

SquareStarfish · 03/09/2015 12:17

Get a grip. A year is nothing. She wanted a photo of her family.

I pointed out bil's gf to my wedding photographer and asked him to leave her out of the family photos at the wedding. Surprise surprise the bil and his gf have now split!

Even if my mil wanted a pic with her husband and sons I'd happily step aside and we've been together 10 years, are married and have a child.

whatlifestylechoice · 03/09/2015 12:24

YABVU

My mother got a professional family portrait done for a significant birthday. Us four kids, my brothers' wives and my partner of seven years. Fast forward ten years, both my brothers are divorced and I have a new partner. My poor mum now really wishes she'd asked for a blood family only photo, but she didn't want to upset anyone.
Sorry, but for long-term photo purposes, blood is, if not thicker, than at least longer-lasting than water. Smile

Thunderblunder · 03/09/2015 12:24

yes the OP was being unreasonable over the first photo but the way I read it was that the OP's OH asked for a second photo to be taken with the OP in.
Would it really have hurt to do a second photo?
When we have everyone together and are taking group photos everybody is included at some point but just not all of us at the same time iyswim.
I do think 'fucking fuming ' is an over reaction though.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/09/2015 12:24

I find your reaction mind boggling and extreme. Is there some other issue between you and your IL otherwise you are completely overreacting. Faking a migraine was childish and attention seeking.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/09/2015 12:27

explain your hurt feelings to your OH whenever you see him next but dial back the "fucking fuming"ness.

^^ this.

GummyBunting · 03/09/2015 12:29

YABU and it was a bit of a faux par for you not to offer to take the photo straight away.

GoblinLittleOwl · 03/09/2015 12:29

I would say your boyfriend's mother has got your measure.

JawannaDrink · 03/09/2015 12:32

You think she should have her sons girlfriend in her family photo INSTEAD of her SON?
Are you quite mad?

And don't fake migraines, its twatty. Just leave.

bettyberry · 03/09/2015 12:37

Cameras have timers even phone cameras. Why didn't you us it? problem solved.

LobsterQuadrille · 03/09/2015 12:40

Many years ago, my DM organised a professional photograph for my grandmother's 80th birthday. My ex SIL left my brother in the interval between the photograph being taken and the 80th party. My DM was apoplectic with rage (we had known her for years) and in particular that she was in this photograph, and vowed that anyone who wasn't "blood" would not be in any similar future photographs. Clearly this wasn't possible to enforce but at my my father's 90th last year, she did make sure that my nephew's girlfriend of a year wasn't in the main "group" photograph - he's had a few relationships or around two years and that was her reasoning.

I don't think either of you were being especially U as she probably had her reasons and your reaction is understandable, if a little OTT.

Pandora97 · 03/09/2015 12:42

Some people won't be comfortable having boyfriends/girlfriends in family photos. My family have had photos up of children that includes boyfriends/girlfriends but I understand that not everyone thinks being their son's girlfriend for a year merits a place in a family photo. She probably wasn't doing it to be unkind but just doesn't like the idea in case you split up which is fair enough.

I don't think there's any need to moan to your boyfriend about it. I'd just forget about it and move on. It does sound like there's some kind of difficult background here between you and his mum that you haven't mentioned. We can always over react to things that appear to be the slightest dig if you have a difficult relationship with someone. If there is no such background, then I'm afraid your reaction is rather over the top, especially with the migraine thing.

londonrach · 03/09/2015 12:47

Yabu. reasons already stated. Shocked you faked a headache. Maybe your bf mum knows more about the relationship then you think. Do you live with him?

SquadGoals · 03/09/2015 12:48

YABU.

I've been with DP for 6 years, we are legally life partners and have lived together for four years.

I would still not assume that I would be in family pictures unless asked. In fact, I would be offering to take the photo.

My DSis had a fiance who insisted on being in all significant photos - ie family photos, 21st parties, her graduation etc. There's a whole stack of photos which we now can't put up because he is in them and is now long gone.

BlahBlahUsername · 03/09/2015 13:14

Well, everyone else was family! She could have been diplomatic and taken a second picture, but the family one would be the one that ended up on the wall.

Have you seen his family much in the year you've been going out? Just don't worry. They'll see more of you, and come to see you as family. Don't stress. And don't create reasons to drag him away from family events, that won't go over well!

hullabaloo234 · 03/09/2015 13:20

OP, I remember your other thread about TTC bad being angry that your DP had masturbated. In both cases I think you know you are being unreasonable, but I understand that TTC can be a stressful time and perhaps that's why you've reacted the way you have. I really hope you get your BFP soon Smile
Don't worry, a lot of parents don't see girlfriends/boyfriends as 'family' but once you and DP have DC it changes the dynamic massively and I am sure you will be welcomed with open arms, as your DP'S brothers girlfriend has Smile

WorraLiberty · 03/09/2015 13:23

Whilst I think you completely over reacted, she could have done the polite thing and just got her son to snap another pic with you included. It's not like she's paying a professional photographer so I don't see why she didn't just agree.

Do you live together?

Original poster
LouiseBoo · 03/09/2015 13:24

Excuse me, but we LIVE together, share bills etc. We have our own home together and we are actively TTC.

I didn't even suggest for one minute that her youngest child shouldn't be in the photo, it's just I was left out and I'm clearly family!

OP posts: