to ask for a drink and snack while breastfeeding

[schoopz]

DP just had a huge go at me when i asked him for a cup of tea and snack as i was breastfeeding (10 week old) - he said he was very tired and he shouldn't have to justify himself not doing what i wanted at the drop of a hat -
i then got upset and pointed out i couldn't get up and do it myself
He then got up, slammed the stuff around in the kitchen and made the tea and snack - but told me i shouldn't be so demanding and that i need to exercise more "give and take"
He has now gone upstairs for a sleep while I look after the baby.
Its an ongoing issue that he doesn't find it easy to cater for my 'needs' (ie. food/drinks) - but am i being too demanding? If he's tired should I give him a break and just wait until i can fix it myself?
Hate that i always end up crying and I don't want to be so pathetic, finding motherhood tough as it is and don't always feel i'm doing the best job, so his anger and criticism doesn't help

[ThreeBeanRap]

Whichever fucking ridiculous poster said her OH is pissed off with her so she is clearly doing something to warrant it (words to that effect), how is it possible you can mean that? She is pissed off with OH too so why doesn't that automatically mean she is completely right and he is completely wrong?

And please stop asking why it wasn't possible for her to get herself a drink in those 30 min. She had asked for a drink and was settled feeding her baby, which she is struggling with. She thought a drink was coming.

goblin you say people do things for you 'maybe because I don't demand it'. She hasn't either. She asked for a drink. That is not demanding. It is perfectly reasonable for a struggling parent to ask for help in the form of a cup of fucking tea from their partner who is in the house and supposed to love both the OP and the child she is feeding. I really can't imagine the sorry state of people's lives where this is seen as some sort of heinous drama queen princess request from a sofa dweller pampered whinger who's lost the ability to walk. Again, it makes me incredibly grateful for what I had previously thought was my normal relationship as it turns out I am married to a prince amongst men who not only would make me a cup of tea if I was breastfeeding, but on any other day if I so wished. Pampered fucking spoilt bitch that I am.

[GinLimeandLemonade]

Bloody hell, some of the replies on this thread are absolutely disgusting.

[helloelo]

Disgusting replies, would have been an entirely different story had this been posted in parenting.

OP of course YANBU and loads of

[GinLimeandLemonade]

I've messaged you OP, hope you're alright

[ceyes03]

The OP said in as many words that she thinks her husband should "cater to her needs". Princessy much? I still don't know why she thinks she needs a sandwich and a cup of tea while she's feeding, and why she can't just wait until after she's finished like most normal people would.

[ThreeBeanRap]

'I still don't know why she needed a drink and snack'

Because she was hungry and thirsty. For the same reason that the baby needed feeding. Because it was hungry and thirsty.

Of course by catering to its needs she is setting it up to be a right spoilt pig so she really should have a care.

[bigbuttons]

Her baby can't feed itself though, the op can.

[ceyes03]

Has she lost the use of her legs through giving birth, then? Or the ability to wait a few minutes for a snack and a drink?

[ThreeBeanRap]

ceyes the questions you're asking have already been asked and answered throughout the thread so I assume you're just being goady.

bigbuttons I can make myself a drink. Should I never ask anyone to make me a cup of tea or grab me a glass of water, honestly? Is that how life works? Once you're able to do something for yourself you should never ask anyone else to help you with it, even if you are tired/ill/busy/otherwise occupied/having a shit day?

I asked DH to pick me up from the station this evening. I'm perfectly capable of walking. I had a heavy bag with me. I'm perfectly capable of carrying it though. I asked DH as a favour and he said yes, because he likes me and wants to do nice things for me when it isn't putting him to great inconvenience. I would do the same for him, or a friend, or family member, or neighbour, because I'm not an arsehole.

Making a cup of tea for someone as a favour falls into that same category for me, particularly when they are a new mother, struggling, and feeding someone else.

[bigbuttons]

I think partners should indeed help each other and do favours yes. I keep coming back to the initial op though where it is suggested that the op's oh does feel put upon. There is a reason why he feels this way. She asks if she should give him a break if he's tired and wait until she can get her own food. The answer is of course'yes'.
In all my years on MN I see a huge bias in favour of women, the man in any situation will always get more stick than the woman, just because he is a man. If a bloke came on here complaining about his wife not making him food and drink when he was looking after the baby then he would get told to man up.

[TheOddity]

If a bloke came on here complaining about his wife not making him food and drink when he was looking after the baby then he would get told to man up.

If a bloke came on here saying he'd mastered the art of breastfeeding, he'd be given a bloody medal. Until that day, he can deign to make a cuppa for his wife who is trapped under a baby feeding. Either you have never been in this situation or you have the momory of a sodding goldfish.

[bigbuttons]

Perfect logic, again.

[ThreeBeanRap]

A huge bias in favour of women...completely against societal norms then bigbuttons so long may it continue. I hope women continue to support each other through this site at times in their lives when they need it most and aren't put off by people like you.

shiteforbrains I think you're right. Will leave this here in the happy knowledge that I don't have to live like these people seem to.

Good luck OP if you're still reading, I really wish you the best and hope you get all the help and support you need from your partner in future.

[schoopz]

This was my first time posting on man and I feel pretty overwhelmed by the comments. And the assumptions made which are so wrong.

Person who wrote this: weird fuckers fantasising about a totally invented OP, because what OP actually said doesn't fit the evil parasitic bitch preying on long suffering poor Man With A Responsible Job narrative.

Is right.

My OH works part time self employed from home. So do I, at the moment. (I usually work full time + in 3 jobs) And I also do housework! Day in question was a bank holiday, anyway and neither of us were working.

I am not a needy princess, but I AM finding it hard, as I am sure a lot of first time mothers and fathers do.

I think the most important thing as some have said is to love and care for each other and since posting I've talked with DH about both our needs for support and care for and from each other.

Will stop there in case anything else is just fuel to fire but please those who posted v vitriolic things be aware that people who post in vulnerable states maybe not always be in position to step back and not take your comments to heart.

[bigbuttons]

I have bf 6 and never been trapped under any of them. My last stopped at about 4. I suspect the majority of mothers round the world aren't either.

[bigbuttons]

Lol

[TheOddity]

Sounds good Schoopz. It is hard work for everyone involved with a newborn/small baby and is totally normal to get into the 'tiredness competition'. I can assure you it gets easier the less frequently they need to feed and the more regalarly they sleep! Well done talking to DH later, it is best to get it all straightened out before it causes resentment.

[Topseyt]

Bloody hell, there are some goady and bitchy posts on this thread.

A new mum who admits to struggling with a 10 week old is being called a pampered princess who should just suck it up!!!! Seriously??? I remember still feeling overwhelmed with my first baby when she was 10 weeks old, and such thoughtless comments would have driven me over the edge.

It is perfectly normal at that stage to still not feel totally in control, and to need support. I know I did even though I had had to give up on breastfeeding after a very short time before it destroyed me (no exaggeration).

OP, you were not being unreasonable to have asked your DH for a drink and a snack. Ignore the bullshitters on this thread. They must all have had perfect babies who just took easily to things and never got in the way of them getting anything for themselves at all. Clearly they were all supermums, who could "do it all" effortlessly.

[InimitableJeeves]

Unhappyuser, the fact that you seriously contend that all babies sleep for 80% of the time, and that if the don't it is the parents' fault for sticking to "daft fashions" is in effect an announcement to the rest of us that you know virtually nothing about babies and feeding. I suggest you go away and do some research.

[InimitableJeeves]

I must admit to enjoying the fact that goblin and big buttons enthusiastically applauded Lurked's post at 19.58, saying how "spot on" she was, when actually it was based on a number of assumptions and omissions. She's assumed that OP's DH has gone back to work full time and OP is not working; whereas the reality is that DH is working part time from home, whilst OP is also working part time whilst breastfeeding and looking after a 10 week old baby. She assumes that the husband had gone upstairs to rest, but there's nothing in the information supplied that indicates that that is necessarily the case or that OP knew it if it was. And finally, in trying to envisage how this would work out if it was the husband formula feeding, she has wholly left out of the equation the fact that formula feeding doesn't make the feeder thirsty.

Still, for some people, any material is grist to the mill if you want to attack a vulnerable OP, no matter how many wild assumptions it is based on.

[ProvisionallyAnxious]

and an absolutely massive , OP. I hope things go better after your chat with your DH.

Also, please don't let this put you off posting on MN for support - though some of the more specific boards may attract less goady fuckers be a bit calmer than AIBU.

[Lurkedforever1]

inimitable I also left out the normal expectation that by 10 weeks breast feeding doesn't render you incapable of walking to the kitchen and co-ordinating a tap and a glass. But yeah lots of assumptions to put it from another angle in order to demonstrate how hypocritical people are being. Everyone pander be supportive because op sounds a bit unhappy, but bollocks to her dh and his actual depression he needs to pull his socks up. My empathy, or indeed sympathy, isn't based purely on whether they have the same gender as myself, regardless of the rights or wrongs. Sorry if that breaks some unwritten female code where we all encourage each other to be as dependent and feeble as possible.

[Oysterbabe]

YANBU in any way.
Also I just asked my DH to make me some tea and toast because I can't be fucked to move. He's doing it now.