to ask for a drink and snack while breastfeeding

[schoopz]

DP just had a huge go at me when i asked him for a cup of tea and snack as i was breastfeeding (10 week old) - he said he was very tired and he shouldn't have to justify himself not doing what i wanted at the drop of a hat -
i then got upset and pointed out i couldn't get up and do it myself
He then got up, slammed the stuff around in the kitchen and made the tea and snack - but told me i shouldn't be so demanding and that i need to exercise more "give and take"
He has now gone upstairs for a sleep while I look after the baby.
Its an ongoing issue that he doesn't find it easy to cater for my 'needs' (ie. food/drinks) - but am i being too demanding? If he's tired should I give him a break and just wait until i can fix it myself?
Hate that i always end up crying and I don't want to be so pathetic, finding motherhood tough as it is and don't always feel i'm doing the best job, so his anger and criticism doesn't help

[TheMenagerie]

It's very common for the letdown to trigger thirst, mine always did but I'm rubbish at getting a drink sorted before I sit down. When you have a desperate baby that's all you think of until the thirst hits, and then there's nothing you can do! I don't think it's too much to be brought a drink at least when bf; it's hard work, actually. I always offer to get one for a bf mother. So Yanbu in my eyes unless you were rudely demanding rather than asking nicely!

[futureme]

Id always get a glass of water for a bf mother if i was enar one. People did for me in their homes. I think most people do don't they?

[TheDowagerCuntess]

It can take along time to feed a ten week old - half an hour, I'd say, was normal.

I'd have a chat about it at a calm time, and just try to get on the same page as each other.

Fully sympathy - a small baby is hard.

[SalemSaberhagen]

Aunty I was always horrifically thirsty when breastfeeding, I know a lot of people felt the same too. Plus it's important to keep hydrated when breastfeeding.

I would have said it was a given too, whenever I've breastfed I've had people offering to get me a drink, including people in cafes.

[SalemSaberhagen]

When breastfeeding a tiny baby, should I say. I don't now, but she's almost 1 and doesn't feed for longer than 10 minutes any more.

[pinkje]

At 10 weeks I would have thought you'd be in a reasonable day time feeding routine to get yourself sorted for drinks and snacks before settling down for a feed.

(and I think when mine were 10weeks I could walk, put the kettle on etc whilst BF)

[TheOddity]

Yeah been there! I used to be fantasise about a cup of tea when breastfeeding in the middle of the day. Never got myself properly sorted (who has time to make a flask?!) and often DH came home and I was still trapped into a marathon feeding session which would end in big tears if you pulled them off, plus you are too knackered to move. I know he probably is tired too but I do think an inward sigh is all your DH is really allowed. I would start looking after number 1 if he is going to be arsey. Tomorrow, go to Asda/Sainsbury/wherever, buy yourself a lovely little flask and a thermal mug, a nice comfy pillow and a huge amount of snacks, both nutritious and unnutricious. Set it all up on a table next to where you feed on the sofa, ensure tv is all set up. And that's you for the day. While at said supermarket, buy yourself a nice ready meal for one and fuck him! He can sort his own tea out!

[Koalafications]

But it doesn't take that long to breastfeed

Hahaha, DD used to BF for up to four hours in one evening.

[SalemSaberhagen]

10 week feeding routine pink? Mine didn't have one at 10 months! I think it depends on the baby.

I've never been able to feed standing up or walking, due to my massive (and sadly very droopy) breasts.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

It usually takes around three months to get breastfeeding properly established - it perfectly normal not to be in a predictable routine at 10 weeks.

[LookingUpAtTheStars]

If you were to ask my Dh how a father could get involved with breastfeeding he would tell you that it's the dad's job to keep the mum fed and watered while she feeds the baby! So yanbu imo.

[PegsPigs]

YANBU. My DD2 is 11 weeks and I'm sat here breastfeeding. My DH has brought me a block of fudge and cut it into handy slices without asking and a glass of squash. He's now said he's putting his headphones in to concentrate on work but has our other DD1 on the monitor in case she needs him to go up and after checking I'm sorted. You are definitely not asking too much and he should appreciate that it might just look like you're sitting there on the internet doing nothing but creating sufficient breast milk to sustain a growing newborn for the first 6 months of life is actually quite draining and energy intensive. Liquid in = liquid out. Energy in = energy out. I've been here an hour including eating my dinner on my lap. It's not easy but only you can do it. He should appreciate that.

[KanyeWestPresidentForLife]

It would be nice if he looked after the OPs needs while she's feeding if she needs it. However the catering for her 'needs' and ' give and take' comment doesn't make it sound like that is the issue plus it sounds like it predates the baby.


Also given the 'don't have to justify myself comment' I doubt that the exchange beforehand was as benign as the OP has suggested.

I tend to agree with the partner about the give and take. Yes he should be helping her, but by the same token breast feeding doesn't involve a complete loss of faculties all the time which neccesitates another person 'catering to your needs'.

The OP really did make it sound like she expects him to wait on her. An 'ongoing problem catering for my needs' doesn't imply a healthy attitude towards her partner.

[LumpySpaceCow]

yanbu, my DH saw it as his role to keep me hydrated and fed in the early months when baby is constantly attached (especially during the dreaded cluster feeds!). After DD1 I was extremely anaemic and after the MW stated that liver was rich in iron, I had liver and onions for about a week! He has always just appreciated me doing all the night feeds
On the other hand, now dd2 is older, if DH asked me for a drink or snack I wouldn't have a problem getting him one and vice versa.

[Hellochicken]

I think the best bf analogy is its like driving. In that you look like you are just having a sit down but actually you are doing something. For me it is mildly draining.
Say me and DH had been tidying up/ making food and then I sat down to bf, my DH would have behaved like I was having a rest and a break, when I would say I was still being busy! So I keep explaining the driving analogy and i think he gets it or 4th DC and 4 years of being later he doesn't ever want to hear me say analogy again

YY to putting snacks and a water bottle by side of sofa so you can help yourself.

[thenightsky]

Bloody hell... the thirst I got when breastfeeding was all consuming. I needed a drink and I need it right then! It's 22 years since I last breastfed DS, but I'll never forget that desperation for liquid within 2 mins of sitting down!

YA soooo NBU.

[Hellochicken]

Being = bfing

[slightlyglitterpaned]

Pretty and at the "ooh, doesn't take long to bf" lot - it varies a colossal amount. At that age, DS was utterly unpredictable - could be "just" an hour, could be 5.

I thought it was pretty normal to offer water to a bf woman. Common courtesy, isn't it?

[CharlotteCollins]

Yy, I think it should be a given that when a woman starts bfing she's given a glass of water.

[selsigfach]

I think OP is getting a harsh response here from many. I felt faint whilst BFin the first few weeks and would request supplies during feeding sessions if they weren't to hand. It's a different kettle of fish now baby is 9 months and only feeding for a few minutes at a time.

[ocelot41]

Agree he is overacting but at the same to save future drama, maybe its easier to have snackbars and packets of juice in bags next to where you BF. His job can be to keep them stocked up!

[Duckdeamon]

there's something upsetting and vulnerable about an argument or someone being arsey while your breastfeeding - feels awful inside. Something about feeling trapped, exposed, fuzzy headed.

[ProvisionallyAnxious]

I don't think the OP is over-reacting! DH and I don't have DC but he's always perfectly amiable should I ask him to make me a cup of tea because I'm being a lazy arse I've had a knackering day and just want to sit down -- and vice versa! I'd never begrudge doing something to make my partner's life a little easier and certainly don't think the OP is BU to ask her partner to help her out when she's looking after their child.

[steff13]

he said he was very tired and he shouldn't have to justify himself not doing what i wanted at the drop of a hat

I may be reading it wrongly, but this ^^ makes it sound as though perhaps the husband had initially said "in a minute," or something like that, and the OP objected. Hence the "drop of a hat" comment. If that's the case, then I don't think he's totally unreasonable.

[ghostspirit]

my baby is 19 weeks and still feeds loads. and he wakes anything from 3-6 times a night.

your partner comes across very selfish.