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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for a drink and snack while breastfeeding

236 replies

schoopz · 31/08/2015 18:46

DP just had a huge go at me when i asked him for a cup of tea and snack as i was breastfeeding (10 week old) - he said he was very tired and he shouldn't have to justify himself not doing what i wanted at the drop of a hat -
i then got upset and pointed out i couldn't get up and do it myself
He then got up, slammed the stuff around in the kitchen and made the tea and snack - but told me i shouldn't be so demanding and that i need to exercise more "give and take"
He has now gone upstairs for a sleep while I look after the baby.
Its an ongoing issue that he doesn't find it easy to cater for my 'needs' (ie. food/drinks) - but am i being too demanding? If he's tired should I give him a break and just wait until i can fix it myself?
Hate that i always end up crying and I don't want to be so pathetic, finding motherhood tough as it is and don't always feel i'm doing the best job, so his anger and criticism doesn't help

OP posts:

ceyes03 · 02/09/2015 14:27

Why on earth can't you wait until you've finished then get your own tea?

DragonsToSlayAndWineToDrink · 02/09/2015 14:33

Laughing my head off at sockamnesty's "wanked in the door" typo

Bluewombler2k · 02/09/2015 14:39

sockamnesty that just cracked me up, I'm still chuckling now at the image you have created in my head. Still giggling

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/09/2015 14:43

Im now thinking I obviously typed wanked to much and need to show more imagination when sending naughty texts!

bigbuttons · 02/09/2015 14:51

Surely if the baby starts crying for bf then you make yourself a cuppa and get snacks and then bf. How is that hard?
I don't think you should be expecting your partner to feed you, nice if he offers, but you are perfectly able to sort yourself some grub surely; you are not an invalid.

schokolade · 02/09/2015 14:55

no one likes to listen to a crying baby though. it's just as simple for the OP to feed and the DH to pass her a drink...

Notimefortossers · 02/09/2015 14:59

Next time maybe ask him to hold the screaming baby while you quickly make yourself a cup of tea, y'know, just for comic effect :) x

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/09/2015 15:03

Because no woman anywhere should ever get practical support for herself during the day from the father of her child whilst she's dealing with night feeds and the tiredness that involves

bigbuttons · 02/09/2015 15:05

some most of us have to have a degree of screaming baby at times. It won't do a baby any harm at all to wait for a couple of mins whilst a mum gets herself sorted. What if the mum is the only one at home? either she organisers herself or sits and waits until bf is over. this really isn't an issue
You have a baby, you get yourself sorted. as I said earlier 10 weeks is hardly a new baby.

bigbuttons · 02/09/2015 15:06

What if you have older dc's that need attention? Sitting and bleating about not having food and drink whilst BF is terribly precious imo.

GinLimeandLemonade · 02/09/2015 15:07

bigbuttons - she wasn't the only one at home though?

goblinhat · 02/09/2015 15:12

I wouldn't hold off feeding a crying hungry baby while I make myself a cup of tea and a sandwich.
I feed a baby as soon as he is hungry. It's up to me to have some aforethought and have easy snacks and drinks to hand.

How difficult is that?

Drinking hot tea while breastfeeding is not ideal from a safety point of view anyway- much safer with something cold.

Notimefortossers · 02/09/2015 15:15

Lol. You guys are hilarious x

Notimefortossers · 02/09/2015 15:18

Yes OP clearly you made this baby all on your own so it's only reasonable that you should not expect a single scrap of support from your dp.

:o!!

bigbuttons · 02/09/2015 15:32

Sorry, I can't bear it when women act all helpless.
Op has already identified a problem that her dp doesn't find it easy to 'cater for her needs' whatever that means. Does it mean that because she has a nearly 3 month baby she is no longer able to feed herself? Has having a baby rendered her incapable?
Clearly her dp is pissed off with her. I can't say I blame him actually.

Lurkedforever1 · 02/09/2015 15:34

If he's working ft, and doing the majority of the housework and cooking, then op is bu demanding to be waited on. Yes, it's much nicer to think of each other, but in ops dh's shoes I'd be a bit irritated if op was regularly shouting after me to bring them things.
Really you both need to be more considerate. If you've just come in and baby needs feeding, then yes it would be thoughtful to offer to bring a drink and snack. But by the same token, it would be considerate to plan ahead more/ learn to feed one handed etc so dp isn't constantly expected to wait on you.

goblinhat · 02/09/2015 15:36

THis- exactly.

ThreeBeanRap · 02/09/2015 15:38

Christ. No, OP, you are not in any way being unreasonable, at all. You are doing the hard work! He should absolutely be supporting you. Asking for a cup of tea is not at all being unfair. You are feeding your and DP's child, from your body, asking him to supply some sort of food and drink for you is totally ok!! I can't believe anyone else would begrudge you that, it's bizarre. Yes, if you have made your own drink and snack, great. But if not, you are well within your rights to ask your partner and father of your child to do you this extremely small favour.

PiecesOfCake · 02/09/2015 15:39

Agree with bigbuttons.

Woman-up. Organise your own snacks and stop being so whiney and needy.

Lurkedforever1 · 02/09/2015 15:46

Come off it threebean. Breastfeeding versus going out to work, the housework and the cooking is hardly 'doing all the hard work'. Her dp doesn't sound as though he's sat about doing fuck all.
Being thoughtful is very different to someone taking the piss. And waiting for your dp to go upstairs before calling for a drink is taking the piss in my mind.

mabythesea · 02/09/2015 15:52

He's being a dick.

What kind of man comes home with a crying baby and buggers off upstairs while his partner sorts it out? And then can't even be arsed to make a cup of tea?

Yes, you could be doing it all on your own and you'd just have to manage. But you're not, so that argument is irrelevant.

shiteforbrains · 02/09/2015 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ceyes03 · 02/09/2015 15:56

Agreed. What's so difficult about sitting in a chair with a baby? I don't understand why you need to be "catered to" while you're doing it. Why do you need to eat and drink while you're feeding? Get your own food when you're not feeding. Whiney, needy, rather pathetic.

goblinhat · 02/09/2015 15:58

Is there a reason why he is so tired he is unable to put a kettle on?

Possibly because he works full time, does most of the cooking and much of the housework.

This is not a newborn- and the OP has only one child.

goblinhat · 02/09/2015 16:00

shiteforbrains
I don't think some men understand just how much breastfeeding can tire you out, not to mention tie you to the bed/sofa.

Please. You will have us all confined to the mud hut out back because we are all so incapable.

I have breastfed for a total of seven and a half years with my children- I can assure you I was most certainly not "tied to the sofa or the bed".

Would have been a great waste of 7 years of my life.

Breastfeeding is not an illness.

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