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Would it be a total faux pas to do this on mn?

179 replies

Freeble · 17/08/2015 00:39

We don't hug and we don't hun, right? I think I've got that, spesh from the nm vs mn debate.
But there are a couple of posters in the last few days that I've noticed and I've thought- bloody good point and I like the sound of you.

Do we pm each other and strike up friendships? Or is that way too weird and stalkery and I should without doubt desist?

OP posts:

UrethraFranklin1 · 17/08/2015 00:42

You can try if you like.
It's a faux pas to post this non-aibu here though!


Freeble · 17/08/2015 00:43

So sorry I thought it was an Aibu! Let me rephrase.... Would I be unreasonable to pm a poster. I'm already going off the idea actually!

OP posts:

Fatmomma99 · 17/08/2015 00:46

I've previously contacted MNHQ to request a hug emoticon. So far, my request has fallen on deaf ears, but enough of us ask...

PM if you like, but don't mistake this place for RL, because it isn't. Flowers Wine [hugs]


Bogeyface · 17/08/2015 00:49

I met a very very good friend on a website similar to MN so go for it :)


Bogeyface · 17/08/2015 00:50

that said, dont be offended if nothing comes of it, some people like it to be anonymous and wouldnt reply. No reflection on you, just that we all use MN in different ways.


DonkeyOaty · 17/08/2015 00:50

Ooooh no don't PM.

Post on the thread summat like this:

Great post FM99 and an apposite reminder that RL is real life.



Whiskwarrior · 17/08/2015 00:57

Nothing to lose by sending someone a PM. I've sent them and received them. It's quite nice to acknowledge and be acknowledged.

A huge HELL NO to a hugs emoticon though! I'd love a vomit emoticon (vomiticon if you will) for spewtastic posts and all things Peter Andre.


kaftanlady · 17/08/2015 00:57

Posters do PM each other occasionally, it's what PM is there for!

I've never had anyone try to strike up a friendship with me as such, but occasionally we've chatted off board related to a thread (e.g. asking for more info about a health condition both our children have or showing solidarity & letting off a bit of steam if a thread has gone crazy!)

Friendships are more likely to happen through meet-ups or when an ongoing thread on specific topic means posters get to know each other well over time (e.g. antenatal thread).

Welcome to mumsnet :)


slithytove · 17/08/2015 01:09

I've made what I would call a couple of friends

Chatting on the same thread regularly by coincidence, especially if they are my or their started threads, then a pm for something off board, then a fb request! Friends.

Takes a while though.


Bogeyface · 17/08/2015 01:18

Do you mean RL friends or online?

I have a made a couple of really good friends on MN, but I have never met either of them!

One in particular I hope to meet very soon, so she is in the "real friends" category but I was referring in my pp to people I have actually met!


AnotherTimeMaybe · 17/08/2015 01:20

I think YANBU to send a PM but do remember the MNer that you really agree with this time, might really piss you off on a different thread so don't get too excited!


TheHouseOnTheLane · 17/08/2015 04:59

Pming people in the hope of friendship is a bit weird. I've been here for 6 years now. You can built up a rapport with others via the threads. Join MN local for friendhips.


BecksTroll · 17/08/2015 05:34

Whisk the vomiticon could just be an orange Wink We'd all know the shorthand. Saint Peter of Andre is going to end up on and ruin Strictly for me this year, I just know it


SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 17/08/2015 05:39

Thing is, some people will use MN to share/offer opinions that they never would air in RL.


gingerbreadmam · 17/08/2015 06:28

it wouldnt bother me if someone pm'd me. id happily respond. in fact on the antenatal board i was on someone was local to me and pm'd me a couple of times. she was lovely. we didnt talk lots but on occasion.

i posted on another forum a while ago, one of their members emailed me now we email regularly to see how each other is getting on and its really nice.


AnotherGirlsParadise · 17/08/2015 06:34

I'd rather like to get PMs from posters looking for friends, RL or otherwise. I've had some lovely PMs in the past, after I've posted needing my hand held or whatever. People don't always respond, but I for one have never minded a friendly message at all Smile


Cooroo · 17/08/2015 06:36

Nothing to lose - send the message but don't stress if no reply (though I'd think it rude - people can always say thanks but no thanks).


SophiePen · 17/08/2015 06:40

No don't do it, it's weird.

There are millions of people here. There will be a lot you like, a lot you don't like and a huge number you never even notice.

Get over it! The point is it's a public forum. Public. PMs are for stuff that needs to be said, mainly, not a sort of 'find a friend' service.

The reassuring thing about MN is that conversations and interactions are public and are therefore subject to witness and unless you have been chatting on here openly and coming across one another for quite some time, even years, your sending a PM will likely be perceived with some suspicion.

There are probably other sites that encourage this more but it's a risk when you have no bloody idea who someone is.

Think of your plan as the Western Union of MN interaction. Most of us use Paypal.


poocatcherchampion · 17/08/2015 06:54

Anyone hoping for a pm now?

Oooh pick me!


ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/08/2015 07:09

I think it's fine to acknowledge that you like someone's post or even posting style on thread. It's also fine to PM them if you want to say something extra to them that you'd rather wasn't on the open thread (I've done that when I've thought that a poster needs moral support or extra kindness or something). It's ok to PM people if they've asked for PMs for extra info, because they don't want to put it on the open thread as well.

But I suspect what you're suggesting might be seen as a bit weird and needy, sorry!

I do have quite a few friends I've made from MN - mostly from quiche (MN for clique) threads - we've chatted regularly on a daily basis, got to "know" each other quite well, moved over to FB to a private group to "know" them even more and even met up with some, so it can work!

One of my good MN friends is an American; I have met up with several expat MNers here in Australia. So it can work in RL as well, but it takes time.

Or you can go to your local meet-up whenever one happens. :)


EponasWildDaughter · 17/08/2015 07:22

I've been on MN (under 3 different names) for about 7 years and i get PM'd around 2 or 3 times a year roughly.

So far it's never been anything offensive or weird, and i've always answered.

Sometimes it's just a quick bat back and forth of one or two messages, sometimes it's a more in depth chat about whatever was on the thread. On one occasion we really hit it off and ended up meeting up. It turned out the poster lived very near me and had a good few coffee and cake chin wags in town Grin

It's easy enough for the poster to just not answer, so no big deal in IMO.


icelollycraving · 17/08/2015 07:28

I've sent pms & received them too. It's sometimes been something that could out me on a thread or offer of support. Nothing to lose,go for it.


AndDeepBreath · 17/08/2015 07:31

Depends how you do it surely?

"Just to say I loved your post on xxx - said exactly what I've been thinking and couldn't articulate. There's no 'like' button but I wanted to pass on a personal thanks. It's helped me with xxx and I hope it's all turned out ok for you too" - and a chat might develop?

I doubt the OP was thinking of posting "saw your post and think we could be bffs, come to my house for tea"! (Btw, I like Assam) Wink


00100001 · 17/08/2015 07:33

Where's my PM??? Confused



SophiePen · 17/08/2015 07:38

Time is the key here. When you 'know' someone by sight then a PM is alright in some contexts.

When it's a complete stranger, it's a bit Hmm

I mean if you like the sound of someone's opinions on a thread, say so ON the thread? That's what threads are there for.

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