Would it be a total faux pas to do this on mn?

[Freeble]

We don't hug and we don't hun, right? I think I've got that, spesh from the nm vs mn debate.
But there are a couple of posters in the last few days that I've noticed and I've thought- bloody good point and I like the sound of you.

Do we pm each other and strike up friendships? Or is that way too weird and stalkery and I should without doubt desist?

this is social network we are all chatting we are all strangers if its stalky and weird whats the difference in an open forum

The difference is obvious. In an open forum, other people can see what you're writing and what the other person is writing.

This is the reason that those with a more dubious agenda often migrate from an open thread to PMing those they may perceive as being more likely to agree with them, to try and get their point across or try and establish some support.

This is also why those PMd by the poster then often come back to the open thread and say 'I have just had a PM from such and such'.

These discussions between strangers benefit from being in public. It maintains a safer and freer arena in which to write.

If it was all done by PM there would be no community 'policing' or moderation, far more problems, people taking advantage of others and so on.

That's why people won't always reply to an unsolicited PM. They basically don't know who the hell you are so they rightly refuse to enter the metaphorical private room with you.

It's like meeting someone at a bus stop and instead of just chatting there in front of other passengers, asking them to get into a private car with you as you like the cut of their jib.

Ridiculous.

And I don't want to sound harsh as I know exactly what loneliness is about, and I am sympathetic, but I am very clear in my attitude to your idea. For your own good as well as that of others.

Fair enough you are right but you can ignore any private message and report it if anything makes you uncomfortable

I don't see the harm in a casual PM, sometimes a friendship will develop, sometimes not. But I would never think of someone as weird for PMing me, unless the content of the PM it self was weird.

I wouldn't find it strange or stalkery either, I have had a few pjs from posters relating to the thread we are on, it's not bothered me at all.
I wouldn't see it as a way of making friends though.

I totally do PMs if someone's in trouble on a thread or similar - to offer support, no strings attached, just a comment.

It's when you expect something back that it becomes both unnecessary and unwelcome.

As I said - what is the point of it? What do you want to happen when you have sent it? To begin an exchange of views via PM? Why?

People are free to speak to you without pressure on any thread at any time and on any subject.

By taking it into private territory you bring into it all the pressures of a social engagement - they may feel rude if they don't respond or keep up the conversation, they may feel a misplaced loyalty to you when 'out in public' as it were, they may simply disagree with you and not know how to say so.

Totally different dynamic and IMO not what the system is there for. It's a backup, not a network in its own right.

I have mumsnetters on my facebook unlikely to meet them but friends they are they are just women not weird or stalkery

I started a thread about this type of thing recently

Here

I often use PM but I thought it would be nice to draw MN attention to people for positive reasons rather than only just having a report button which is often only used when someone needs to be deleted.

I thought a 'Thanks' button would be a quick way to notify the person via PM that you found their post helpful and would also notify MNHQ so they can see if people are generally nice on the site or are just GFs if they're getting lots of reports about someone.

does the Pick Me dance

I would like a like button too, but I wouldn't want posters to be able to collect likes. I'd like the like to stand for each post. Not to be like stripes on the posters lapel.

I've PMd people when there is something I can relate to and the response I want to give is a bit too personal.

I used MN a lot years ago (returned recently with a name-change) and made LOADS of friends. Some I've met, some I haven't, all of them I class as real and genuine friends.

Maybe MN is different these days; it's certainly bigger, and maybe that means that friendships here aren't so easy to find and maintain. But if you've chatted with people here and get on well, why not PM them for a chat?

I think a Like button might turn in to a bit of a popularity contest if it was displayed. I was thinking of something more private.

I would like it.

I have had a few PM's thanking me or asking me for more information. A PM because someone wants to strike up a friendship would make my day.

Crikey, Sophie, you're rather invested in telling the OP she's being weird and stalkerish, aren't you?

I've got quite a group of friends from here. All online friends, some on Facebook, probably never going to meet up because we're all over the country and some in other countries! But we chat about things light and serious and no, we don't agree on everything - how dull would that be?

See if you run into them again on other threads and if you still 'get along' as it were.

I pmd a poster to say how I had loved a post, and was met with tumbleweed.

Hell it hurt...........

Go for it, but be prepared to be ignored.

You need a tough hide sometimes on here.

U2

I'm tempted to PM you to strike a friendship
reality is I'm not even on here as much as I used to be, because I have/want just too much to do.
I just couldn't keep up with all the friends in here as well as family & friends in RL.

but do wave to me when you see me next time. I'll be your secret friend

we are all actually people hiding behind a screen, if you want to PM a poster and say 'oh i share your point, or 'what you said is something that resonates with me' then do it.

what does it really matter. people can pm me if they want to ask something about what i wrote, i am leaving myself open to debate. It's a pm, not a hand written invite to a friendship.

Not weird or stalkery. imo

Zing ! That made my day

We see each other on Hayday. I need to talk more on there.

And you spend so much time on Hay Day Mistress Zing

Sophie, you sound like you have some social difficulties