To find it very irritating when parents will go to any length to avoid upsetting their child?

[Audrella]

Even when it means upsetting others in the process just to avoid their precious little flower from being upset.

Yesterday I took DS out with a friend and her DS, who is the same age as my son. My friend spoils her son a lot; he is quite demanding (the boys are 7), and she will do things like start talking to me and he'll make the smallest demand murmur and she will never make him wait, she'll just walk off to do whatever he wants. Anyway, yesterday my friend's DS suddenly started saying that my son's name is short for a really horrible, old fashioned name that was obviously going to wind my DS up. DS came over to me with the other boy and said "My name's not short for X is it, mum?" and I said "no, of course it's not". The other boy then started crying and my friend soothingly murmured "Yes darling, it IS short for X". Rather than tell her son he was wrong!

DS also recently had a party. One child had a tantrum when I gave out the party bags because he didn't like what was in them. Instead of telling him that it was tough luck, the mum kept being all softly softly with him, and hinting to me that he really wanted something else and trying to find out if I had something different he could have (I didn't)

AIBU to find this behaviour annoying and think that we are going to end up with a generation of spoilt, pampered kids!!

It sounds irritating but you have to balance it against all the parents who really don't give a shit about upsetting their children.

You're right - those two examples are appalling! Find you something better for your party bag? Yes, that name is short for a stupid name? What on earth are these women doing?

I think it just teaches you which parents to steer clear of. Their children will only become worse over time, so it's a win-win situation if you avoid them now.

Maybe, Iggi, but if they upset someone else's child whilst making their little darling happy it's not much better than those that upset their own kids....

I do actually agree with what you're saying, but not from those very mild examples.

YNBU about these particular incidents, but YABU to generalise about a 'generation of spoilt, pampered kids'. There will always have been some people who treated their kids like this. Doesn't mean society is doomed.

YANBU, it's very annoying.

She sounds annoying but I don't see how an anecdote about one child suddenly means that we are going to have an entire generation of spoilt children.

Oh YA soooo NBU. We're on a family holiday where this is driving me mad!

Nothing wrong with my examples. The mum telling her son that he was right wasn't particularly kind to my son as the other son then smugly kept on calling DS that name.

ladygracie, we went on a family holiday recently too where there were lots of parents like that. They're not doing their kids any favours.

WRT to the name thing...

Just say you christened your son 'Terry' and the other boy was saying "That's short for Terence".

He's right because it is short from Terance...just not in your son's case.

He got upset because he knew he was right. What his Mum or you should have said was, "Yes, you're quite right. Terry is short for Terance but not in his case".

I agree, OP. YANBU.

I think those two examples are shocking actually, and it makes me wonder what sort of behaviour other people are witnessing if they don't seem extreme!

Whilst you're not being entirely unreasonable, I agree with Worra with regard to the name.

To be fair, when I wrote my post I was going off the OP, where it didn't mention that he carried on calling the OP's son that name.

DS came over to me with the other boy and said "My name's not short for X is it, mum?" and I said "no, of course it's not". The other boy then started crying and my friend soothingly murmured "Yes darling, it IS short for X". Rather than tell her son he was wrong!

You see that sounds like a misunderstanding to me, and just needed "But not in this case" added to it.

My son's name is not a shortened version of the name anyway...

The other child was just being unkind.

The child was doing it in a horrible way. Not in a curious way.

I would have told him off for teasing my child then

YANBU

Well, the mum should have said 'yes darling Alfie is sometimes short for Alfred but your friend Alfie is just Alfie'. Small children can be pedantic and this is something that would upset my Dd if she knew she was right.

The party bag thing was rude... Perhaps she was just trying to avoid him kicking off? But it would have been better just to make a speedy exit I think.

Yes they are raising stroppy teens who can't cope in the real world. What's wrong with saying ' you know saying x makes child Y unhappy.. So stop' he may be right ... But it's causing upset. Similarly with the party bag . 'You are being ungrateful, say thank you and we'll speak about this later' ....

Teasing is not on. I would have asked the child to stop it if the mum wouldn't.

What was the 'horrible old fashioned' name?

I try to avoid upsetting ds when I am out because I don't want a meltdown that I can't contain but it would it would be unlikely to effect others apart from leaving places quickly/ not having conversations.

Don't ask, Madam! At least one of us will be mortally offended.

He knows this ^^