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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To think people shouldn't say anything if they've nothing nice to say?

215 replies

Laindons · 14/08/2015 13:01

A friend of mine's daughter is 16, and just put up a 12 weeks scan picture on Facebook, captioning ''It's official, baby is on his/her way and is nice and healthy''. This is the first she'd mentioned of her pregnancy on Facebook.

I was astonished by the responses! People said things along the lines of ''you're joking? :O'' ''Lol are you serious?'' One person even had the cheek to comment ''Really?'' Well yes fucking really, otherwise why would she put a bloody scan picture?

For some reason I think these people are completely out of line. Fine, it's okay to think that to yourself. BUT why bloody post it online, on someone's scan picture? Seems very disrespectful to me, no matter how you look at it.

AIBU to be so mad? Her Mum is also astonished as some of these comments were from Mums at the school that her younger sibling goes to and the Mum is friends with them.

Seriously, there was not one congratulations in sight from these outspoken people. Don't you think people ought to put up and shut up?

OP posts:

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 14/08/2015 23:16

FB is like standing on a stage in front of 200 people sharing your news, some will react the way you want , others will not. If a disapprover gets on first, then others will follow. If someone says that's great, well done others will follow. Some people will attract 200 likes for buying shoes others get one.

DixieNormas · 14/08/2015 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbumtheory · 14/08/2015 23:29

They should know better true, and would in an idea world. But this world is far from ideal and people need to realise it and take care of themselves. There's no point thinking that people should no better because a) its a given and b) its not always going to happen.

I should not have been bullied on my own fb but some people are shits so now I minimize contact.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/08/2015 23:35

lemonade

Did I or did I not say that I would wish her well, say I was glad all was well with the pregnancy?

Why are you so hung up on the usage of a particular word?

I'm not "morally outraged" by the idea of teenage mothers. I know a few who have raised lovely children and for whom it has been no barrier as far as I can see, to achieving what they hoped to.

That still doesn't mean having a child when only in your mid-teens yourself is ideal.

lemonade30 · 14/08/2015 23:45

something being less than ideal by virtue of perceived or actual immaturity does not entitle either yourself nor anybody else to withhold the congratulations which you would correctly or otherwise bestow on an older mother.

I'm not hung up on the words 'congratulations'

I do take exception to the principle of it being witheld for no reason other than discrimination on the grounds of age.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/08/2015 23:53

Well actually I'm entitled to say or choose to not say what ever I like within the bounds of legality and common decency.

As far as I am aware, offering a pregnant woman congratulations is not written in statute?

I'd be hard pushed to offer a woman pregnant in her 50's congratulations as well, because that is not ideal either.

lemonade30 · 15/08/2015 00:00

again, I shall reiterate that I take exception to your flagrantly discriminatory attitudes and inherent hypothetical behaviour.

you are of course wholly correct that legally your appraisal of the same is acceptable.

you are mistaken on the grounds of common decency, human kindness and morality.

There but for the grace of God....

FortyCoats · 15/08/2015 00:03

Ffs! I was with you most of this thread L30 but now you're just being persistent and annoying.

Inebriated by the exuberance of your own verbosity by the looks of it!!

lemonade30 · 15/08/2015 00:05

aided and abetted by a fair amount of aldis answer to Jack Daniels

FortyCoats · 15/08/2015 00:06

I was thinking!!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/08/2015 00:07

I personally would congratulate someone who has achieved something that they had seriously worked for and wanted to achieved, passing a driving test, getting a dream job, running a marathon, saving for a house, raising money for charity, it's about having a goal and making it happen. I would assume a 16 year old getting pregnant was not a life long ambition being fulfilled.

UghMug2 · 15/08/2015 00:09

Surely you are inviting people to say shitty things because things being public is opening up to the shits.

No. Inviting someone to say shitty things might be like " I invite you to say shitty things about my good news" - this inviting to say things argument is often used to justify catcalling or vulgar & obscene comments to women & girls because they've chosen to dress a certain way, or just breathe. Those who say shitty things have full responsibility for their actions- you cannot blame someone who is essentially the victim of this behaviour for the way others choose to respond.

lemonade30 · 15/08/2015 00:10

you know what they say about assumption I presume sally ?

I mean I assumed my powers of coherency and literacy would have deserted me by this point in the proceedings.

just goes to show you never can tell....

lemonade30 · 15/08/2015 00:16

at the risk of contradicting my own objections to assumption...

I would personally assume that a healthy pregnancy is something to be hopefully achieved within the span of a female's reproductive lifespan.

Therefore I would find no inherent impediment to offering my congratulations on the successful achievement of this.

then again I'm not a discriminatory, sanctimonious cunt, just a drunken, verbose one

FortyCoats · 15/08/2015 00:18

Christ on a bike! You are on fire!!!

Go to sleep

bigbumtheory · 15/08/2015 00:19

I am blaming no one but the shits howver I am a realist, if you have open facebook then the whole internet can see. Much of the internet is not savoury. Is that right? No. If someone is hurt by it is it their fault? No.

But it is an open invitation for those who want to take advantage and do so. So people should lock down their fb. If they forget of course they are not to blame, that doesnt stop it being seen as an invite to those though.

I was not at fault for being bullied, she was. And while my fb was open she had a great platform to do it and saw it as invitation too. By shutting it down I took away her control. If I opened it again then she, being a bully, would see it as as chance and invite.

Is that fair? No? Is she to blame? Yes. Will that stop her? Of course not. Just because its unfair and annoying doesnt make it untrue.

VerityWaves · 15/08/2015 00:22

I would always wish a woman well who announced her PG in a positive way. Irrespective of age.

why wouldn't you?

lemonade30 · 15/08/2015 00:26

cunt status in the main verity

(but good for you!)

nanight coaty

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 00:34

Surely you are inviting people to say shitty things because things being public is opening up to the shits

I don't think that's what the 16yr old did, because she posted to what are supposed to be Facebook 'friends'.

However, I think that's what the OP of this thread has done (and not for the first time WRT facebook and pregnancy/child birth...inviting MN judgement).

There have been some shitty, arrogant and judgemental posts of both sides of the 'argument' on this thread.

Some people really haven't covered themselves in glory, which makes the thread title 100 times more ironic

lemonade30 · 15/08/2015 00:38

covered in glory/pickled in bourbon.

same thing in my book

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 00:42

FortyCoats · 15/08/2015 00:44

Night night lemonade

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/08/2015 00:45

lemonade

You have little to no knowledge of me, so "there but for the Grace of God" is presumptuous in the extreme.

I'd wish the girl well, not make her wear a scarlet letter. Fairly sure the average woman would be happy with that, regardless of age.

That chip on your shoulder must be awfully heavy.

lemonade30 · 15/08/2015 00:51

fortuitously alis it appears that we match each other in our misguided, yet wholly apparent presumption yet you are distinctly satisfied to be judged as 'average' whilst I........

am distinctly not

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/08/2015 00:53

And yet Lemonade, you are exactly so...

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