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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people shouldn't say anything if they've nothing nice to say?

215 replies

Laindons · 14/08/2015 13:01

A friend of mine's daughter is 16, and just put up a 12 weeks scan picture on Facebook, captioning ''It's official, baby is on his/her way and is nice and healthy''. This is the first she'd mentioned of her pregnancy on Facebook.

I was astonished by the responses! People said things along the lines of ''you're joking? :O'' ''Lol are you serious?'' One person even had the cheek to comment ''Really?'' Well yes fucking really, otherwise why would she put a bloody scan picture?

For some reason I think these people are completely out of line. Fine, it's okay to think that to yourself. BUT why bloody post it online, on someone's scan picture? Seems very disrespectful to me, no matter how you look at it.

AIBU to be so mad? Her Mum is also astonished as some of these comments were from Mums at the school that her younger sibling goes to and the Mum is friends with them.

Seriously, there was not one congratulations in sight from these outspoken people. Don't you think people ought to put up and shut up?

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 14/08/2015 14:08

I would definitely not say anything least of all offering my congratulations. Nothing to celebrate that a 16yo child is having a child.

BarbarianMum · 14/08/2015 14:11

I assure you I ignore all sorts of declarations on Facebook almost every day of my life Hmm It is not obligatory to use it, nor a measure of one's social competance to do so.

lemonade30 · 14/08/2015 14:12

also for clarity;

issuing a congratulations isn't the stamp of approval that some of you apparently regard it to be.

It's simply a kind response to a sixteen year old who is pregnant.

AuntyMag10 · 14/08/2015 14:12

Her mother is astonished Confused well maybe all her friends are not exactly thinking a child being pregnant is something great. Honestly if this was my child the last thing i would be doing is posting pictures and worrying about congratulations comments, more likely wondering where I had gone wrong for this to happen.

lemonade30 · 14/08/2015 14:14

fair enough barbarian if you'd also ignore a thirty six year olds pregnancy announcement on Facebook.

If not then get off of your socially inept, wholly arrogant high horse

scribblegirl · 14/08/2015 14:15

What lemonade30 said.

She has made the decision that she is happy with the pregnancy and she plans to continue it. She's not going to go and get a termination just because someone was critical, the baby is going to happen. The decision has already been made.

People aren't expressing these sentiments because they think it will turn back the clock or have her rethink the pregnancy - they're being horrid to make her feel like shit.

Well done those people.

SueBigFatSue · 14/08/2015 14:16

Oh wow. A pregnancy is NOT the end of the world. Her life isn't over. She isn't destined to sit at home popping out children for the rest of her life because she's having her first at 16. She hasn't forfeited any further chance of education and a career. She is just having a baby a few years earlier than, I imagine, she planned. Some parents accept their children make mistakes and support them. Good on your friend and your friends daughter!

Congratulations to her as well! I hope she has a lovely pregnancy, an easy birth and a marvellous child GrinFlowers

BarbarianMum · 14/08/2015 14:16

congratulations (def) : a message telling someone that you are happy because of his or her success or good luck

I still think wishing them both well would be more appropriate.

trollkonor · 14/08/2015 14:16

Lemonade

I would have reservations in offreing congrats because i don't know how the mother or girl feel about it all.

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2015 14:20

''you're joking? :O''

''Lol are you serious?''

''Really?"

^^ They're not exactly 'horrid' comments though are they?

Let's keep this in perspective. They sound like fairly shocked replies to a 16yr old announcing her pregnancy on a social media platform.

Personally I think the OP's over interest in this is as strange as her threads the other day - also Facebook/pregnancy related.

Now if she was getting abuse/nasty comments on her pregnancy update, I would agree wholeheartedly that you were right to be so annoyed.

Bettercallsaul1 · 14/08/2015 14:21

Whatever the difficulties that may lie ahead for this girl, she has made the decision to go ahead and have her baby so I agree with lemonade that people should congratulate her on her healthy pregnancy. Alright to disapprove if the die had not yet been cast (assuming, of course, you were close enough to the teenager to legitimately have some influence on her) but to show disapproval or withhold congratulations when the decision has been made seems mean-spirited. Having a baby at sixteen may not be the most pragmatic thing but certainly doesn't mean that the mother's (or the baby's) life is ruined. She can get back into education later and, with support from her family, can still make a go of things. What she needs now is acceptance and support.

lemonade30 · 14/08/2015 14:23

and I suppose barbarian that you would be above expressing your happiness that she is herself happy and offering her your kindest congratulations?

I'm seriouslyConfused that you are apparently so very arrogant.

PearHead · 14/08/2015 14:23

YANBU.

She has made the decision to proceed with the pregnancy and is announcing it on Facebook - congratulations are in order. It's simple, really.

It would be best of people did offer their congratulations, but at the very least they should refrain from making rude comments.

What if we refrained from saying congratulations to anyone with an unwanted pregnancy, or a previous pregnancy with serious complications that might reoccur, people with many children already, etc. ? How rude. Just offer congratulations. It's the only polite thing to do.

Original poster
Laindons · 14/08/2015 14:24

You're right Better. And since when was it the end of all things positive in her life? It's just beginning, not bloody ending.

It's far from ideal, but she's happy and wants the baby so I think people should give congrats or shut their faces. FB or not.

OP posts:
PearHead · 14/08/2015 14:26

By 'unwanted', I obviously mean 'surprise'.

muminhants1 · 14/08/2015 14:28

It's not something I would want - 16 is very young and not nice to have to go through pregnancy at that age quite apart from having to then look after a baby when you're not very mature yourself. But as someone said above, it's not like dying and it's her grandchild!

BUT I'd rather be 30 with a 46 year old mum than 30 with a 70 year old mum. Ultimately no age is ideal to have a child other than a small window between 25-35 maybe and even then someone will find fault? So yes you are right, if you can't say anything nice, just keep quiet.

muminhants1 · 14/08/2015 14:31

Sorry I thought the mum had announced the pregnancy rather than the daughter (read the OP properly) but even so.

My mum always said if I came home pregnant in my teens she'd throw me out. I believed her at the time, but she said of course she wouldn't because it would have been her grandchild.

Feline9 · 14/08/2015 14:31

Why are people on here referring to a 16 year old as a "child"? They are a young person.

Heels99 · 14/08/2015 14:36

Children having children is nothing to be congratulated.

Her friends on fb sound like they think she is joking, no unpleasant comments have been made. She needs to get a whole lot tougher and quickly. Send her a link to how contraception works op.

Itsthevibe · 14/08/2015 14:36

Easy, lemonade.

Barbarian said she'd post something along the lines of wishing her and the baby well, that's hardly...er, barbaric.

Save your outrage for me, who'd post nothing at all. Grin

AuntyMag10 · 14/08/2015 14:38

Well if the girls friends making these comments then it shows that they don't think it's a great idea at 16 either. Anyway posting on fb means you're inviting opinions, so she can't really complain if they aren't what she expects. And a 16yo having a child? She can't be that surprised at the comments.

lemonade30 · 14/08/2015 14:39

I'm not outraged vibe.

I do feel sorry for you though.
much more sorry than I do for the pregnant sixteen year old as it happens.

GooseDressedAsMutton · 14/08/2015 14:39

If any woman of any age posts a photo of a scan and announces that the baby is officially on its way and "healthy" then I think the natural response should be "congratulations" or at least a "like." A healthy baby on the way is an inherently good thing. If the mother is announcing it as a positive thing then the assumption should be that the mother is happy about it.

What sort of sour-pussed, lemon-sucking biddy would automatically react otherwise?

Itsthevibe · 14/08/2015 14:41

lol. No you don't.

trollkonor · 14/08/2015 14:43

Muminhats

I was co fused about who was posting what too. If I am coerrect, the 16 year old posted and friends of her Mum replied.

The 16 year old needs to tighten her settings or not be FB Friends with her Mums friends.

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