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DH refuses to have summer baby

274 replies

MayAugust · 06/08/2015 19:30

We started trying for a baby in May. I got pregnant first cycle, then miscarried at six weeks. I didn't get pregnant in either of the two cycles following the miscarriage (I just got my period today).

DH has always said that he doesn't want to have a summer baby because apparently all the kids in his class who were born in the summer didn't do as well academically as those with birthdays earlier in the year. He says there are studies which back this up (I don't know if that's true).

So now he is refusing to try for a baby until January 2016, when the due date would be September onwards.

He keeps saying that he has always been really clear that this is how he feels and that he doesn't want to have a summer baby. This is true. But I think he is being unreasonable. Aside from the fact that his reasoning is completely ridiculous in my opinion, I just don't want to waste all that time given what we've been through so far.

No argument will convince him. I've tried pointing out all the people we know who are born in the summer months and are very successful, or explaining that actually sometimes babies are born several weeks or even months before they are due, or that we might have a child with special needs, or a child that's just not academic whatever month they're born.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

crumblybiscuits · 06/08/2015 19:31

My DH has this opinion too! I was so annoyed but after it hasn't happened for us he's now taken it back and doesn't want to stop trying.


SantanaLopez · 06/08/2015 19:31

You actually want to have a baby with such a tosser?


AnyFucker · 06/08/2015 19:32

Errr, is he thick or summat ?

haven't your (very sad, sorry) experiences with miscarriage not told him that you cannot plan these things ?

he is being ridiculously rigid, and rather cruel


LunchpackOfNotreDame · 06/08/2015 19:32

He's a bell end. Sorry.


RhiWrites · 06/08/2015 19:33

He's being unreasonable by narrowing your conception window unnecessary when you have experienced some difficulties with conception. (I'm sorry for your loss.)


Goshthatsspicy · 06/08/2015 19:33

I think he has a point. If you have time to play with (age etc) ld go along with his plan. You aren't being unreasonable though. Flowers l'm sorry your first pregnancy didn't take.


pinktrufflechoc · 06/08/2015 19:33

I think 'tosser' is a bit harsh. I don't agree with his summer birthday thing but it concerns plenty of people and I know some who don't want a Christmas baby.

We tried to avoid September the one time we planned it


ilikebaking · 06/08/2015 19:33

Statistically, that is correct. Summer borns do tend to do worse academically.
However, in my latest class the eldest child is by far the stupidest (level 1c) and the youngest is the smartest (level 3b). There are 364 days between them.
I think it comes down to nature vs. nurture.
If you have a summer born baby you can work harder to make them have an easier transition to school and support their schooling.

Then again, I can't talk, I stopped trying because I didn't want a December baby. (Got one anyway as I went 18 days over!)


maybebabybee · 06/08/2015 19:33

Utterly ridiculous. Sorry, but what an arse.


ApocalypseThen · 06/08/2015 19:34

Well some of us summer babies did just fine despite the terrible burden. If he thinks he can plan a pregnancy so exactly, hopefully it all stays fine for him and the baby manages to be all he expects.


maybebabybee · 06/08/2015 19:34

PS I'm a summer baby and I have a first class degree.


littlejohnnydory · 06/08/2015 19:35

Yesterday it was confirmed by the DfE that parents in England will have the right to start their Summer born children in Reception rather than year 1 at Compulsory School Age, which is the term after they turn 5 - so your dh needn't worry. Have a look at the Summer born campaign (on facebook - Flexible School Admission for Summer Borns).


Thefacttheyact1234 · 06/08/2015 19:35

It was my birthday last week and I have a PhD


Feline09 · 06/08/2015 19:35

As PP have said he's being an idiot


pinktrufflechoc · 06/08/2015 19:35

It tends to be summer born boys who suffer academically most.

I had a baby recently and I must admit I crossed my fingers for a girl, and she was.


SantanaLopez · 06/08/2015 19:35

A baby is precious no matter when it's born.

in my latest class the eldest child is by far the stupidest (level 1c) a
Are you a teacher? Shock


DorotheaHomeAlone · 06/08/2015 19:36

Ridiculous. Yes, babies born in August do have a slight disadvantage to those born in sept but it's just one of a number of factors not THE deciding factor. To rule out April, May June and July as well is really an extreme response. Does he just want a break from the stress of it all maybe? Or some time to get over previous disappointments?


Artandco · 06/08/2015 19:36

Erm wouldn't say so. I have a February child and July child and both were at the same level by the September they start school ( July one starts this year, and has been reading over a year)

I'm August 21st birthday, Cambridge graduate

I think people with summer horns often just treat them different ' oh he's only just 4 so can't do x y z'. Instead of just saying he's 4, starting school and needs to learn a b c


KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 06/08/2015 19:36

How old are you?


Hurr1cane · 06/08/2015 19:36

I didn't have a summer baby.

My child is 9 and can't read or write or talk well.

He's no less precious to me.v


pinktrufflechoc · 06/08/2015 19:37

Look, it isn't about babies being precious.

Most parents want to give their child every advantage. Some people feel being born in the summer puts their child at a disadvantage and try to plan around it.

It annoys me, as the assumption is always that August born babies will be surrounded by September born giants and ignore the fact that the majority of children in the class will be born between January and July but there we are!

I don't think it makes him a tosser!


Pippidoeswhatshewants · 06/08/2015 19:37

I am sorry for your loss Flowers
Even though, I am on your dh's side. I absolutely did not want a Christmas baby and would have stopped trying to conceive, as did one of my friends.
I know that it is not very rational, and life doesn't always pan out how we want it to, but I do understand your dh...


littlejohnnydory · 06/08/2015 19:37

Baking, are you actually a teacher? Talking about the stupidesr and smartest Reception children and nature over nurture? I only hope you are a wind-up as that horrifies me.


ollieplimsoles · 06/08/2015 19:37

Ha this is ridiculous! Loads of people I know born in summer did amazingly well at school and beyond. You can defer school for them too if you feel they are not ready?


Lightattheend · 06/08/2015 19:37

Nature will decide, if he tries too hard to plan the perfect month you may both miss out. The month is irrelevant, clever babies are born all year round (as are stupid husbands) Wink

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