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AIBU?

DH refuses to have summer baby

274 replies

MayAugust · 06/08/2015 19:30

We started trying for a baby in May. I got pregnant first cycle, then miscarried at six weeks. I didn't get pregnant in either of the two cycles following the miscarriage (I just got my period today).

DH has always said that he doesn't want to have a summer baby because apparently all the kids in his class who were born in the summer didn't do as well academically as those with birthdays earlier in the year. He says there are studies which back this up (I don't know if that's true).

So now he is refusing to try for a baby until January 2016, when the due date would be September onwards.

He keeps saying that he has always been really clear that this is how he feels and that he doesn't want to have a summer baby. This is true. But I think he is being unreasonable. Aside from the fact that his reasoning is completely ridiculous in my opinion, I just don't want to waste all that time given what we've been through so far.

No argument will convince him. I've tried pointing out all the people we know who are born in the summer months and are very successful, or explaining that actually sometimes babies are born several weeks or even months before they are due, or that we might have a child with special needs, or a child that's just not academic whatever month they're born.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
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CruCru · 08/08/2015 08:46

Problem with this thread is, who admits to timing conception so that an Autumn baby is born? Where I live there are STACKS of kids with September / October birthdays so someone must be doing this.

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BeautifulBatman · 08/08/2015 08:48

My dc is due in October. Purely because I conceived in January after ttc for 13 months. Nothing contrived. We just wanted a baby and would've taken any due date.

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Nonnainglese · 08/08/2015 08:52

Gordon Bennett!
Be grateful you can actually have a ba You!

All of my and DH's family have November and December birthdays and personally I hate mine being 2 days before Christmas.

My DCs are spring and summer birthdays thank goodness.

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madmother1 · 08/08/2015 08:53

My daughter is quite academic. She 15 soon. She hates being the youngest in her year. Some of her friends will start being 16 when she returns to school on September. I've told her that one day she'll be pleased she's the youngest...when she's in her 40's.

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Nonnainglese · 08/08/2015 08:53

ba You ! Baby of course Hmm

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SoozeyHoozey · 08/08/2015 08:53

What if it doesn't happen in January? Is he going to delay it another year and so on so that you have a minute window every year in which you hope to conceive and carry the next one to term?

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LilyMayViolet · 08/08/2015 08:59

Well I did actually start trying to conceive in January for this reason. I was using a donor so it was a bit different in some ways. I teach little ones. I just think it can be hard for them when they start school at barely 4. I know my Dd would have found that very hard.

As it happened I conceived right away and she was born in October. I think if I'd struggled to conceive I'd have abandoned any such worries though. In my experience most summer born children catch up pretty fast if they were struggling to begin with. I don't think your DH is mad for suggesting this but I don't think you're wrong for objecting either!

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formerbabe · 08/08/2015 10:22

I think summer babies are a great idea...get them packed off to school early Grin

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Nonnainglese · 08/08/2015 10:25

So what happens if you conceive a summer baby........... Divorce? Abortion?
Absurd me thinks.

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ollieplimsoles · 08/08/2015 10:28

Is he really going to be disappointed if you conceive a summer baby?

I would just get going tbh

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tiggytape · 08/08/2015 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 08/08/2015 10:43

Sept and Oct babies come along exactly 9 months after Christmas parties, Christmas holidays and New Year celebrations

Completely true happened to me

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Northernlurker · 08/08/2015 11:04

As has been said many times already - there is evidence on his side. I think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable when you say 'all that time' because you're 29 and we're talking about 5 months. I also kind of think that a bit of a break from ttc after a miscarriage is a good thing though I appreciate it's not what you want at all.

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dontbemoredog · 08/08/2015 13:30

Haven't read the whole thread but I'll assume as ever it's filled up with people who don't understand the difference between an anecdote and statistical data.

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WhatKatyDidnt · 08/08/2015 17:39

dontbe Yep, a worrying number of whom are summer-born Oxbridge graduates Grin

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mrspremise · 08/08/2015 17:52

Ridiculous. I'm an August baby, AND I missed a full year of primary schooling because of a move from Scotland to England. Desoite my disadvantages, I went on to get 10 GCSEs 4 A-Levels, a degree and several professional qualifications. And I speak three languages. Hmm and a Biscuit to your DH, Wine and Thanks for you, OP

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lottiegarbanzo · 08/08/2015 18:39

Yes there's evidence on his side. That's a reason to have a preference. The worrying thing here is his rigidity, his idea that reproduction can be controlled to fit preferences and an apparent unwillingness to compromise in the face of experience showing this isn't the case.

Let's hope all goes smoothly and he doesn't have to compromise. That would be a win win. Otherwise, something's got to give and Mother Nature is a lot bigger than him.

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maybebabybee · 08/08/2015 18:53

I really don't understand why anecdotal evidence isn't valuable.

Either way the OP's DH is being a tit, HTH.

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Northumberlandlass · 08/08/2015 18:59

My DS is Sept born, one of the eldest in his year, has speech delay & has struggled at school
It's a bonkers argument!

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Baffledmumtoday · 08/08/2015 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShadowStar · 08/08/2015 21:03

maybe - I think the issue with anecdotal evidence is when people say or imply that statistical evidence is nonsense or can be ignored, because they know (or are) someone that's an exception to what the statistics say.

E.g. on this thread, people saying that because they personally are a very academically successful August born, so it's ridiculous to worry about statistical evidence that shows August born babies are more likely to struggle in school.

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TheDowagerCuntess · 08/08/2015 21:21

I really don't understand why anecdotal evidence isn't valuable.

Because it doesn't prove anything, and doesn't change the statistical evidence to the contrary.

Statement of fact, backed by research and evidence: Smoking is bad for your health.

Random person's anecdote: 'Um, well, my grandad lived to 95, and smoked 20 a day'.

Smoking is still bad for your health.

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InQuiteAPickle · 08/08/2015 21:26

My DD1 is a summer born and she's one of the top in the class, according to her last teacher. She got level 3s in her SATs in year 2 and is a "bright little button" - her teacher's words. Smile

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InQuiteAPickle · 08/08/2015 21:31

Ok, so maybe anecdotal evidence doesn't prove anything but it's still a bonkers argument for not having a summer baby!

I'm a September baby and although I'm not thick as pig shit (I hope I have a reasonable amount of intelligence), I didn't do that great academically (lazy). My sister is April born, so not quite summer, but she's done much better career-wise than I have. I wouldn't say that she's more intelligent but the time of year she was born in certainly hasn't held her back Hmm.

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Pico2 · 08/08/2015 23:23

Statistical evidence us of course very useful, but inevitably a parent only ever actually ends up with a little anecdote. You might look at your own traits to try to work out what your baby anecdote might turn out like. If I had thought more about DH and me and the traits our children might have from being ours, I might well have paid less attention to the statistical evidence of problems for summer borns, I might have predicted that DD1 would be tall, confident and well able to hold her own as an August baby as DH and I would both have faired ok in the academic year above.

Your baby is far more likely to turn out like you than to turn out like the statistically average baby.

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