to really not know how to handle this situation with my friend (weight related)?

[WilburIsSomePig]

I put 'sabotage' in inverted commas because it sounds so bloody dramatic.

I am overweight. I started going to Slimming World in December last year and have lost weight very slowly (now at just over 2 stone loss) by trying to alter the way I cook etc. I have very normal meals (all the family do) I've just stopped adding to it with the 3 bags of crisps and about 4 bars of chocolate every day. I've tried very hard and it's coming off very slowly but I'm happy with that. I still have treats and when I go for a meal I will have what I like, drink what I like etc so I really don't feel like I'm on a 'diet' of any sort.

I didn't tell anyone I was starting SW but my close friend noticed I had lost a bit of weight at the start of the year and asked me how and decided to join me at the group etc. All great, it was fantastic to have her company and we supported each other. However, she decided to stop, again, fine by me as it's up to her. Now here's my problem. Since she stopped, the bitchy comments have started 'oh I don't suppose you'll eat anything now' (absolutely not true) and in front of other 'oh Wilbur doesn't eat these days she thinks she's a supermodel ha ha ha'. etc.

Last night I popped round to drop something off to her just after dinner and she said she'd bought some cakes for me and offered one to me. I said thanks but I'd just eaten and I'm maybe have it in a hour or so (which I would have, like I said, I don't deny anything I just have it in moderation). Then she said she'd bought wine for me. She doesn't drink and I never drink during the week, I never have and she knows this. When I said I'd rather have a cup of tea she tutted and muttered 'for fucks sake' under her breath. Er, What? It turns out I'm 'a stuck up cow' and think I'm better than her because I've lost a bit of weight and I need to live a little. I'm gutted. I never talk about losing weight because I get embarrassed about it and to be honest it bores me witless so I don't do it. I asked her what the hell is going on and she said she was sick to death of me in general because 'it's no fun being fat on your own'. (I'm still fat btw). So I left. I've got 3 missed calls from her on my phone which I haven't yet returned but I have no idea what to say to her. Where do I go from here?

I need to go out for a bit now but I would really appreciate some advice here. We've known each other for years and I'm gutted about this.

Sorry op you are grieving for the friend you thought you had. She sounds awful, as the further this goes on, the harder it is for your friendship to ever be the same again. Really even if she apologises today, and is genuinly sorry, I don't think the friendship will be the same again.

I think MrsDeVere is right.

I dont think I could take someone seriously after a passive aggressive facebook fiasco like that

Exactly MrsD op went to her friends for a chat last week, but got it thrown back in her face. Some people love the reaction whether it is positive or negative. Even if you message her, she will twist it for her own means. I would let it go and leave it as it is.

Maybe post 'feel free to pop round and chat about things with me directly. I hardy use FB'. Then hide her status's

Don't accept being treated badly. You are her friend, she should be supporting and treasuring you

She's presently putting you down to make herself feel better

I've been in a very similar position. I decided to let things cool off. When we did bump into each other and I said perhaps we could meet up over coffee and have a chat to sort out a misunderstanding. She then hounded me with texts and phone calls demanding to know what she had done wrong.

Same situation as you only I let it go on too long things got worse....I offered to go and see her straight away and have a chat but her dh said she was in too much of a delicate state to see me!! Anyway I ended up telling her, giving her examples of things she had said and why I was upset. She denied saying any of them. Then she admitted it but said they were a joke...then saying how she felt about herself which I already knew given the nasty things she was saying about me.

Op this friendship is gone. Jealousy has eaten her up and in her eyes you are better than her. This will never work.

Now when I see this woman she can't look at me and she goes bright red. I was a very good friend to her and she has thrown that away. your friend has done to same.

I when i fell pg and she said I hope you regain all the weight and I can be thin and smug.... guess who actually regained all the weight....not me that's for sure!

Walk away op.

I think if you live in a small place, then the slagging off is a bigger deal than if you lived in a city or larger community. I would mention to a couple of friends that you trust not to be shit stirrers what happened. B I think should be avoided being provided with any information, just "it's sad, I hope A is ok."

and I would probably just 'like' all her PA facebook comments

She is worried you will now be slimmer, more confident and move on probably. And jealous she cant stick at it too as it just higlights her failure so she feels even worse about herself. Friendships need some level of commonality (made up word)? If there is big inequality in status/attractiveness etc it can eat away at some people. Just dont discuss weight with her is probably best if you stay friends.

So she's conveniently forgotten the conversation you both had last week about you running off with your SW friends (and when you told her to go forth and multiply)? From what she said to your DH, if she's made any remarks like that to your other friends I think they'll get the picture pretty quickly!

Avoid friend B who does not strike me as a friend at all (I am trying to resist the temptation to ask about her weight and size, oops obviously not ...) but yes, you could let slip to other mutual friends that you did have a conversation and that you both know exactly what it was about but that you are not a gossip or someone who makes nasty remarks about other people behind their back so you'll leave it there high road.

She's making herself look silly. As she's doing such a good job on her own, no need for you to put yourself out to help her along.

'I when i fell pg and she said I hope you regain all the weight and I can be thin and smug....'

she really said that?!

I have read through this thread and my advice would be, based on everything that happened/was said is walk away and don't look back.
Who needs this shit in their lives?
She sounds about 7yr old, and as for friend "b" she seems a fly bastard too!
Move on and forget them, if either were true friends to you, none of this would have happened.

It sounds to me like she's having a breakdown of some sort, if this behaviour is so out of character.

I'd confide in one or two more sensible friends who can put your side to the others without malice. Don't say too much just that you are really upset about it all and wish that she could be happy for you. That you miss her but obviously couldn't put up with her comments. Hopefully most people will see it for what it is. You can set the record straight but in a sensitive and non bitchy way.