to ban DD's boyfriend from the house or worse.....

[Lucyneedspeace]

DD 15 has been with her boyfriend also 15 for two years. Which is way longer than I expected! They don't see an awful lot of each other. He doesn't really talk to me which I put down to him being shy however having overheard a few conversations recently I feel like smacking him in the face.

I wasn't being intentionally nosey much but I have heard him swearing at DD quite a lot of late called her a "dumb bitch" "stupid cunt" amongst other things. A few nights ago I heard him being so vile I went in and hung up after screeching a bit ! DD won't finish it with him as she said she "loves him to much and would be to upset" I have tried reasoning with her saying she is worth way more etc etc but she just won't leave him and takes her anger out on us rather than giving him a kick into shape! I can't bare to hear her being emotionally abused by the little fucker but it seems I can't force her to dump him (which is what I really want and am still persevering). Would I be unreasonable to message him or his mum?! Or just ban him coming here (which I have already kind of done but its not had desired affect). What would you do?!

im shit at dates and ages. the real thing still stands though...

'expatinscotland those circumstances are a bit different to the ones you mentioned a while ago hmm'

Being what, Wayne, that I didn't provide my life story in one post so you immediately concluded I was full of shit? We are a dual national family with strong ties to my sister abroad, I saw no need to post a biography in one post, hence, posting that I would send my DD to my sister's right back atcha.

Opyour last post sounds good & with you off on holiday will give dd time & space,.which i am sure will be beneficial, sounds to me as your dd probably knows the bf behaviour is vile & unacceptable, & will put an end to this, as you have previously stated
Dd does not spend all her free time with bf, & should hopefully be easier for her to cut of contact, as she has friends/interest so is not consumed by spending all her time with bf.
For what its worth op, I think you are doing fine & please do not be upset by, frankly some quiet bizarre & hectoring posts on this thread, i wish you & your dd well.

Crust your making a whole story up now to fit your opinion its fucking weird. Your so sure this is the way its happened. Why?

I think spotting the 12yo child who later becomes a verbally abusive 15yo is harder than it sounds. And to suggest that the OP or her DD should have been able to spot the signs years ago us vetging on victim blaming. But it must be nice to live in such a simplistic world.

Loads of kids have boyfriends & girlfriends in primary for several yrs solid, never mind early high school, it's pretty ordinary stuff. They might be "going out" for 3-5 yrs before they actually kiss, though.

I can believe that the boy has changed. And OP's DD changed, too.

DD is nearing 14 & her temporal lobes have flickered & mostly switched off in last few months. She's suddenly wildly more interested in sex, risk-taking & generally pushing-boundaries behaviour. Logically I know it's hormones, this is what teens do. They ride a roller-coaster and parts of their brains really do get disabled at times. The threshold to feel any pleasure (in brain) shoots up which means they wander around in permanent frustration because life has become deadly boring except when things are very risky (ridiculously risky by adult standards). It's a bunch of chemical changes, they have to learn to deal with it.

This is why teenagers say & do stupid things. They also swear at each other like banshees given half a chance. Both the boy & OP's DD are on a learning journey.

You are a real delight Crusts if children are a result of their environment I worry for yours. I came here for advice not to be blamed! It might be my fault somehow, it might not. You know nothing of my life and experiences but have barged in like a bull in a china shop. I will not entertain you any longer so troll away.

You really are bat shit crazy Crusts

I damn well hope so wayne

I also know that the OP all of a sudden has a huge handle on this problem so not sure why she posted in the first place

glad to be of assistance op...

Thank you to those that have been helpful. DD is generally sensible and sensitive and I am confident (ish) that the holidays will give her the opportunity to ditch him and I think that's what he wants hence his behaviour. She has many friends and hobbies he is a tiny part of her life so hopefully she'll see that.

And crusts, WTAF?

I probably shouldn't be but I'm and double at the 'fuck off' 'no, you fuck off' contest between crusts and wayne........

glad that this thread has brought the best out in you OP. Lets hope that it continues and you never ever let a boy call your daughter a cunt ever again.

Iljkkwell said i remember those days well with my dd she is now married to a delightful chap, i did sometimes dispair of some of her previous bf, especially when she was much younger, but kept the communication going always always
told her she had choices & that she was loved & that i would always be there to listen/advise/support, & if your children know this, then hopefully you can reslove issues/problems worrys etc.

I think Crusts won, the triple fuck off got me

Wayne

thats entertainment i guess far

Give me a 'fuck off' contest any day over a 1000 post argument that goes nowhere!

Thanks dontcallmelen I'm hopeful she will make the right decision. If she doesn't I'll have to think of a plan B !

I may cause a bit of a row but im sure the OP is having a think about things right now.