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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

prostitute use

337 replies

BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 08:09

I was talking to my DP of two years last night about stag dos and the issue of prostitutes came up. Whilst I am aware that DP received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand a couple of years back, he has always maintained that he was in a bar (drunk) and the lady just got under the table and started doing her thing before he even realised what had happened. He also told me he viewed it as a stupid mistake. Whilst obviously not overjoyed by this, I could live with it because he regretted it and I thought he viewed it just as a stupid mistake.

However, last night it emerged that he also went to a brothel on the same holiday and received oral sex. He claims he hasn't lied to me and thought he had told me about the two incidents. I know this isn't true because it is not the sort of thing you forget really is it? Hmm

When I raised concerns about the fact that I felt he had lied to me he told me that he didn't see anything wrong with what he had done and that the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate. When I told him I thought he was better than that and that I felt he had exploited possibly vulnerable women (who often don't have a career choice) he told me that if he was single he would do the same again, as this is what happens on lads holidays and the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

AIBU to have lost trust in him and be devastated by his attitude?

OP posts:
CalmYourselfTubbs · 02/08/2015 10:21

well.............. he's a tosser for sure. no pun intended.
who clearly love his bit o' oral sex.

i'd have scarpered long ago.
stay if you want, but it will be lie after lie after lie.

Spanoo · 02/08/2015 10:22

Some of these posts are getting way out of hand...

Of course laughing at hurting a prostitute conjures up all sorts of horrid images but they are that - imagination - we don't know that the woman was actually crying or in pain or whatever. We don't even know that the man is indeed big - he may have been boasting. Maybe he was actually tiny and she was telling him something to make him feel all big and powerful so that he would give her a better tip! Again - that's a particular imagined scenario and will sound ridiculous to some of you - which is my point.

I agree that it's a horrible situation for the OP to be in and she may be better off without her DP. But only the OP knows her DP - it doesn't sound great but we can't make a decision for her based on all sorts of assumptions about this bloke.

It's also true that there are many many men use the sex industry and the use of prostitutes itself is not a black and white issue.

There is a huge amount of sexual aggression within our society and we need to wise up to that rather than pinpointing it all in a few men we don't know.

Itsmine · 02/08/2015 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettyCatKitten · 02/08/2015 10:30

This man was laughing about his friend hurting a woman, this reveals a lot about him. He has no respect for women and finds it amusing if someone hurts them. I wouldn't want to be with a man who thinks like this.

KungFuhrer · 02/08/2015 10:30

I don't think it's bizzar, I'm just showing an example of "consented" sex with prostitutes in Thailand. I don't really expect anyone to cluck it but I think those who believe the women do it because they love it should have a look.

KungFuhrer · 02/08/2015 10:32

(So they see the reality of what the women actually go through)

BathtimeFunkster · 02/08/2015 10:33

There is a chance she wasn't underage, but prostitution in Thailand involves a lot of very, very young girls, including children.

Providing children for men to fuck is also not "sneered at".

Any man who goes to a country where women and girls are forced into prodtitution by poverty, frequently sold into it as children or young teenagers, picks a very "small lady" and then fucks her while she is in pain is a rapist.

He has deliberately ignored several points at which establishing free consent was impossible.

Being deliberately careless and reckless about whether the woman/girl you are with consents isn't a rape loophole.

If you can't be sure that it's not rape, then you shouldn't be doing it.

Itsmine · 02/08/2015 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ubik1 · 02/08/2015 10:43

Araiba - you are posting on a thread about Thai prostitutes on a work laptopShock

Op - plenty of men manage to visit Thailand and do not use prostitutes even with the "different attitude" to sex which obviously entices innocent western men into these situations.

Spanoo · 02/08/2015 10:43

kung watching that link is not going to help the OP in any way is it?

I'm not interested in watching it as there are lots of awful things on the Internet. But I don't see how they relate to the OPs post. She's already struggling with all the imagined worst case scenarios.

KungFuhrer · 02/08/2015 10:43

Most not all. There have been a few on the thread, you can find them if you just RTT.

BertrandRussell · 02/08/2015 10:46

OP- when somebody tells you what they are like- listen.

"maybe she was small because she was 90 years old and has osteoporosis"

Whoever said this- just fuck off.

Itsmine · 02/08/2015 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KungFuhrer · 02/08/2015 10:47

No one is forced to click the link, I have put a warning on it. If you think I've over stepped the mark then report it and it will get removed.

KungFuhrer · 02/08/2015 10:49

And I apologise to anyone who I have caused upset to (apart from the happy hooker posters).

araiba · 02/08/2015 10:49

there is a huge chance she wasn't underage- like 99.9%

underage sex is very much against the law in thailand (18 being age of consent) and there are very harsh punishments for those who pay to have sex with anyone under age.

pattaya is famous for its sex industry. but you will not see any underage girls there. you have to go looking for it in some awful places and open yourself up to all sorts of trouble - blackmail, theft, criminal action etc- you can't "accidentally" find underage girls- you have to look for it. like in every other country

BathtimeFunkster · 02/08/2015 10:58

there is a huge chance she wasn't underage- like 99.9%

LOL

Itsmine · 02/08/2015 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudiansSlipper · 02/08/2015 11:03

Have you been to Thailand arabia? I struggle to believe you have

Harsh laws mmm yes also harsh laws regarding drugs that are so easily available and an extremely corrupt police force

Money talks far louder than any threat of harsh laws

araiba · 02/08/2015 11:08

yes. i have spent a lot of time in thailand

FreudiansSlipper · 02/08/2015 11:14

Really Hmm

And you were blind to the openness of young girls being exploited in Pattaya of all places

It's the only place in Thailand I would never return to it's beyond sleazy

Jen1610 · 02/08/2015 11:16

No you are not unreasonable.

its also debatable in Thailand IF they were even women. Especially the one in the bar that got under the table and managed to unzip his trousers, undo his buttons on his boxers or slip his part out if they didn't have buttons and put it in their mouth before he realised!!! And when he did he just continued anyway.......

araiba · 02/08/2015 11:19

i did not see any underage prostitutes.

i saw lots of prostitutes, male, female and ladyboys but i did not see any overt underage sex

araiba · 02/08/2015 11:21

im also aware that thai/ asian women seem to look quite young for their age.

fourtothedozen · 02/08/2015 11:22

I agree- it was more likely to be a ladyboy.

And I have lived in Thailand.