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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

prostitute use

337 replies

BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 08:09

I was talking to my DP of two years last night about stag dos and the issue of prostitutes came up. Whilst I am aware that DP received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand a couple of years back, he has always maintained that he was in a bar (drunk) and the lady just got under the table and started doing her thing before he even realised what had happened. He also told me he viewed it as a stupid mistake. Whilst obviously not overjoyed by this, I could live with it because he regretted it and I thought he viewed it just as a stupid mistake.

However, last night it emerged that he also went to a brothel on the same holiday and received oral sex. He claims he hasn't lied to me and thought he had told me about the two incidents. I know this isn't true because it is not the sort of thing you forget really is it? Hmm

When I raised concerns about the fact that I felt he had lied to me he told me that he didn't see anything wrong with what he had done and that the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate. When I told him I thought he was better than that and that I felt he had exploited possibly vulnerable women (who often don't have a career choice) he told me that if he was single he would do the same again, as this is what happens on lads holidays and the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

AIBU to have lost trust in him and be devastated by his attitude?

OP posts:
araiba · 02/08/2015 11:25

some of the ladyboys are gorgeous- its amazing

BathtimeFunkster · 02/08/2015 11:26

It's not really that amazing.

Why wouldn't they be?

araiba · 02/08/2015 11:31

because they are men

fourtothedozen · 02/08/2015 11:32

bathtime- but often transgender women do retain some masculine characteristics, a heavy jawline, prominent brows, coarser features.
Asian man tend to have finer features and a more petite frame, so trans Asian women do tend to have more traditionally female features, and often look very pretty to our Western eyes.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 11:42

"by attitudes to sex, obviously they see rape as wrong ffs. "

What a stupid post.

It is not the THAI people that posters are saying are OK with rape. It is the WESTERN MAN who chose a tiny person to fuck and then didn't stop when he knew he was hurting them, and then laughed about the fact he had caused them pain by fucking them, afterwards.

The fact that you even managed to read into that, that people were criticising the Thai people rather than the Western man when it was entirely obvious speaks volumes TBH.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 11:43

I am baffled by the people trying to turn this into a conversation about ladyboys. So some men look great when done up like women. So what? As far as I'm concerned it always reminds me of Alan Partridge when people start going on about it.

BertrandRussell · 02/08/2015 11:43

"
i did not see any underage prostitutes.

i saw lots of prostitutes, male, female and ladyboys but i did not see any overt underage sex"

How do you know?

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 11:46

You also gotta love the people who say that because something is illegal it rarely happens. Oh yes that makes perfect sense Hmm

And then use this "fact" that "it is illegal therefore it never happens" to say "so there is no problem here".

If the prostitutes were 99.9% over 18 in Thailand, then really all the agencies out there trying to help with exploitation of children etc should come back to the UK because I doubt that stat stands even here.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 11:47

And the UK is not a well-known tourist destination for paedophiles!

(Although people do travel here to access children obviously, same as everywhere).

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 11:48

He was carefully checking their ID, running DNA age testing, and having conversations with their parents.

Obviously.

araiba · 02/08/2015 11:49

"i did not see any underage prostitutes.

i saw lots of prostitutes, male, female and ladyboys but i did not see any overt underage sex"

How do you know?"

i personally checked the id of everyone in every bar/ club and walking on the street in pattaya.

as far as i could tell, i did not see any underage sex workers.

its not like there are bars full of children giving blowjobs under tables

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 11:54

What is also galling is that some people have said that the men should not have laughed about hurting the woman, but not that he shouldn't have hurt her in the first place.

Presumably because that's her job, right, that's what he's paid her for, that's what she's there for.

The attitudes are just sickening. I mean as women we know, right, we know that lots of men are basically not very nice when it comes to sex. And that's why, when we read this, we see what it is. Because we know what men are like and what they can be like. And then we get pissed off. About other women being treated this way and oh well he's paid for it, you know, so she's consented so it's all fine. No it's not all fine.

And like this earlier comment was ridiculous as well:

"There is a huge amount of sexual aggression within our society and we need to wise up to that rather than pinpointing it all in a few men we don't know."

Yes and so when we are told that a man has hurt a woman who he has paid to have sex with and laughed about it afterwards, we know who he is, we know he is one of these sexually aggressive men who that poster says themselves are all over the place. And yet in the same sentence as that is recognised (huge amount) we are asked to give the benefit of the doubt to the man in this story. Why? It is most likely that the story is simply true. Anyone who makes up excuses and reasons, you have to wonder why they are so keen to give a pass to this man.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 11:58

Ah the old "I swear she looked older guv girls these days" with an added seasoning of "asian women all look really young anyway".

Yeah never heard that one before.

A judge let 2 men off having sex with an 11 year old in the park even though in the UK under 12 is supposed to be "no excuses". Men's judgement in these matters is notoriously "poor". Some of the poor dears are even surprised when the girls they try to get to go with them who are in school uniform turn out to be under age Hmm

You see women know, we know what lots of men are like, and hence the way many of us react as we do to this stuff.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 11:59

I say "having sex" that was rape obviously.

Or at least that's what the law says, the men and the judge seemed to disagree.

araiba · 02/08/2015 12:00

at no stage have i said that exploitation of underage children for sex does not happen in Thailand- it does, its awful.

what i am saying is that it does not happen in an obvious manner, tourist hotspots are not full of underage prostitutes.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 02/08/2015 12:05

It's horrible when someone reveals a side of themselves which is so utterly grim. He has a stinking attitude to women, cut your losses.

BertrandRussell · 02/08/2015 12:09

"as far as i could tell, i did not see any underage sex workers"

Ah. bullshit then.

OK, everyone, nothing to see here. Just an everyday exploitation apologist putting the telescope to his blind eye. Nothing we've not seen before.

araiba · 02/08/2015 12:13

"OK, everyone, nothing to see here. Just an everyday exploitation apologist putting the telescope to his blind eye. Nothing we've not seen before."

seeing as you can't even get my sex right with a 50/50 chance, i would take anything you say with a boatload of salt.

i have not seen it myself is not the same as it does not exist. are you that dense?

Itsmine · 02/08/2015 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spanoo · 02/08/2015 12:23

whirlpool of course you would think my post is ridiculous because it was mainly in response to your post at 09.39, which is full of judgemental and extreme assumptions.

I'm not saying let these men off the hook - what I'm saying is that we don't know the full circumstances around the prostitute incident. Obviously it sounds pretty gross whatever happened... But asserting that the DP and his friend were laughing at the rape of a child whilst she cried and winced, because that's what they actually enjoy and intended to happen, is a step too far.

Itsmine · 02/08/2015 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 12:26

You said there a 0.01% chance that the small person who got hurt by that man in the story was under 18.

Now you are saying that just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. But at 0.01% of the time, that is quite rare, right? You stated that only 1 in every 1000 prostitutes in that area is under 18.

I think that figure is unlikely to be true in many parts of the world. Let alone one that is renowned for underage / teenage / child sex.

Now you are calling other posters stupid.

So women who have problems with this stuff, are stupid. Well, never heard that one before. Women don't like it because they know what it is. Because they know what it would be like to be on the receiving end of this and are grateful that they live in a part of the world where they have other ways to make money. But the people who support all this prefer to bang on about agency and choice and oh underage is really rare anyway and pretend that the women who don't like it, do so out of some kind of revulsion with the prostitutes, or because they feel threatened by it.

Actually I do think that the reasons pro-prostitution types make up for women who don't like the global sex trade, are projection in large part aren't they. They don't see the people working as people, really, they see them as "whores", and they assume that is the place everyone else comes from too, when they object.

It's all a bit odd really. But then men do need to stick their dicks into other people whenever they feel like it, so what can you do really. You need to justify it one way or another.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 12:31

Spanoo

You have me mixed up with someone else. I never said that the person in that story was probably underage, and didn't say that in my post.

I did say that if he was laughing about hurting her, she must have done something for him to know that. Like told him, or flinched, or pulled away, or cried, something. Otherwise how would he have known she was in pain?

And yes, there are people who said "he shouldn't have laughed about it" and haven't said "he shouldn't have hurt her" and when they are people who are defending this industry, I'm not going to make any assumptions as to what they might think. The man in the story thought it was fine to hurt her, didn't he, as he'd paid for her. That was maybe part of what he liked about it. It's a common enough trope in mainstream porn. Hardly unusual.

So no I'm not going to give leeway to that man (why make excuses for him? why why why?) nor those who seem to be brushing off any of the posts talking about the harm caused by this industry.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 02/08/2015 12:34

And yes actually don't attribute things to me I haven't said.

I suppose it happens because anyone posting that side of things gets put into a box marked "hysterical woman who probably looks like the back end of a bus" and lumped into together. We're not all the same person though, so don't tell us we've said stuff that we haven't. It's disrespectful.

You were talking about BathtimeFunkster I think, who said:

"Apparently she was about 4 ft 8.

How old was she?

She might have been a child/young teenager. They start them very young in Thailand.

It's part of their "different attitude to sex" hmm

He is an awful man.

He lied to you the first time about regretting it so that you would stay (but still know he was a punter).

Now he thinks he has you a bit more committed, he's trying to get you to accept that it's actually an OK thing to do.

The "sex on a plate" (boak) comment tells you that he won't be faithful to you, even apart from the laughing at underage sex workers being raped."

Take it up with her if you wish.

Itsmine · 02/08/2015 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.